Why isn’t he excited about our wedding?

Question

My fiancé asked me to marry him back in 2003, and we are stable enough to set a date (February 23, 2008), but every time I try to talk to him about it, or if I have an idea, he will listen, but it doesn’t seem that he cares…I know a wedding is a ‘girl’ thing, but is it normal that he doesn’t want to discuss it?? To me, it doesn’t seem that he cares…

I have asked him about it and he said that he does care and he will put in his 2 cents but I wish that he was as excited as I am about this.

We have been together for 6 years now, and I am ready for the next step, he says he is too…

The reason that we waited so long to set a date is because we both had a lot to finish before making such a huge leap.

I meet him right out of high school, we both went to college and we are not stable to set our date and start planning.

Answer 1

HES A MAN!!!!

Answer 2

Why aren't you married already? I feel you should have already tied the knot. That was 3 years ago he ask you to marry him, wow talk about a long engagement. You have been together for 6 years, doesn't it bother you that you are not married yet. I know you do have a date set but thats about a year and a half away that would make you with this guy for what 8 years. Thats crazy unless you were in high school it is unexcetable. I'd be setting that date for Feb, of 07. If he acts disinterested its because he really is. Men don't want to be bothered with weddings move up the date take a wedding destination ceremony instead and plan a reception for later. Good Luck:)

Answer 3

First of all- Congrats!

Now to your problem, your fiance wants to get married, but in his mind you have over a year to plan for it and that's more than enough time to figure out all the details. At this point, I'd only discuss those issues that need to be addressed now like the budget and wedding & reception location(s). Do not discuss details like food, guest list, clothes, parties etc... yet. Those will come later. As you slowly get closer to the date, hopefully he'll become more and more excited and more involved in the planning.

Another piece of advice... don't obsess about your wedding. During this time, try to maintain some sense of normalcy with him. If all you talk to him about is the wedding between now and 2/08, don't be surprised if becomes more distant and you suddenly hear yourself being called bridezilla.

Answer 4

My now husband did the same thing. I've always said the wedding belongs to the bride but the honeymoon to the groom. Accept and be grateful for what input he does offer. My hubby could have cared much less about what colors complimented each other or what time the flowers would arrive. It wasn't that he wasn't excited, or didn't care, he just didn't concern himself with the same things I did. When I appeared at the top of the aisle and he saw me in my dress for the first time his expression was indescribable and priceless. I knew he had definitely been excited about it.

He later explained that I seemed so excited about it and did so much planning, he felt that what he offered as a suggestion might change my perfect day. He recognized that I had a day in my mind and he didn't want to change that. He wanted things to be perfect for me, and if that meant letting me make all the decisions, then that's what it meant. He didn't want to mess anything up or make me compromise my vision so he just didn't do anything. Of course he was wrong and I would have relished his ideas but the sentiment and care behind his inaction was actually, in a weird way, sort of touching.

Answer 5

Is he not excited about the "wedding", or about the "marriage"? I'm sure he's ready for the next step, but believe it or not the next step is "marriage", not "wedding". He may not be excited about the ceremony, but I'm sure he's looking forward to the married life.

But the whole "wedding" deal is a girl thing, really. Heck, I'm a girl, and I did NOT want to do the whole wedding thing, it's a real pain in the neck. So, if you're going all out on the "wedding", just do it, it's understandable that he doesn't get too excited.

Answer 6

Camille, Camille, Camille. He is not as excited about the marriage as you because it seems so distant to him yet. Wait until, sorry but it's what I think, there is about 6 months left then he will begin to show some excitment and committment to helping you. By that time though you and your girlfriends will probably have most everything done, so won't be a lot left for him to do. Try and include him in on most decisions as there may be some that he wants a say in. Good luck and give your poor guy a chance before getting to upset with him.

Answer 7

Camille,
Your fiance's lack of interest in the wedding plans doesnt read into more, trust me on this. Men really are not that interested in the wedding, they are interested in the marriage itself.
Youre planning an elaborate and generally formal party. Flowers, dinner, dancing, etc... would you get excited about the plans if it were a road rally? Probably not.
The point is, different people find different things interesting, and men (generally) do not find weddings all that interesting. Just ask him what parts of the planning he really has an interest in and consult him for those parts. For the rest, find another girl that will enjoy going over it with you (maid of honor? mother? mother-in-law to be?)

Answer 8

The wedding is a big day, yes, but it is only one day. He is probably more concerned with life at large, and providing for you and his future family. As long as he loves you and wants to be with you then that is all that matters. I hate to say it, but all the wedding really is is nothing more than a big formality. So, deep down I am sure that he really does care about the wedding, because that will finalize the relationship you two have entered into, but overall I am sure that he just wants to get it behind him and really start his life with you. Thus, he is allowing you to enjoy all the excitement, while he is excited about life eternal after the wedding. Congratulations, and good luck in the wedding planning!!!

Answer 9

Listen sometimes guys don't go all out of the way on excitement because of things. The thing with guys and of course I am speaking from experience is that they don't act like we do and that is the bare fact. He might be excited about it and then who knows...We cannot say that he doesn't care and neither should you because he did ask you to marry him didn't he? So obviously he does care...Just because he doesn't act like it that doesn't mean that he isn't...He cares it is just not what you have expected him to act just let things take it's course and you bride to be calm down!! I know that you are excited so he might be enjoying watching you!! You don't know!! So just be happy and relax and most of all Congradulations!!

Answer 10

Men are weird, no question about it. However, he will enjoy the party and YOU! for the rest of his life and it IS a long way off in the distance. Give the guy a break. If he doesn't show enthusiasm a couple of months before the happy event, then I would wonder. Also, about 6 months before you get married, try some pre-marital classes. Those can be fun and it will certainly get him to think!

Answer 11

Honey, it's so obvious he doesn't want to marry you. You dated him 6 years and you're just now talking about a wedding that is still 2 years away? He is doing everything he can to push it as far back as possible. Do yourself a favor and just end it now. Accept the fact that you're just not the one for him.

My husband asked me to go ring shopping after 1 month of dating and proposed 3 months later. At the time I was 25 and he was 33. He planned most of our wedding - had simply amazing ideas from the centerpieces to the party favors - and he even made our wedding cake (he's a pastry chef with over 15 years experience so it was an incredible masterpiece, 5 tiers). When the guy wants to get married, he does everyone possible to make it happen.

Wise up and see the signs.