I need my hubby to help out more with the house. He gets upset when I say anything. How should I bring it up ?

Question

He goes to college full time, but I work long hard hours at a very stressful job. He will help me sometimes when I ask him to, but he ends up mad. I 'd like to be able to relax on my time off too, but the house is in a wreck when I get home.

Answer 1

Do things for yourself..he can do his own things until he helps you..you are not his mummy.

Answer 2

First make sure you are not being too picky about the work he does do. Just say "thanks!" and let it go.

Secondly, if he is messing up the house, then he should be responsible for picking it up (duh). What I used to do is pick up all the crap that my spouse left around the house and I would dump it in front of his closet door. (Or you can pull that trick that you do with kids - hide all the toys until there aren't any left!) Chances are your husband just doesn't see what you see.

Third I think you need to sit down and divide the labor. Do you have a yard, etc, that he counts as a part of his share of the housework? I think it's time to say look, we both have full time jobs away from the house. Therefore we need to split up the housework. Make a list of the chores (walk through the house as you do it) so that he'll realize the size of the task. Let him pick what he wants to do (mine prefers to do the laundry, for example, while I put the dishes away).

This whole point of this exercise is to make it so you don't have to ask. As I used to tell my kids, "hey if you don't want me to be a b#$(% then do what has to be done without my having to ask!"

There are certain things they will ALWAYS do and you just have to learn to let it go.

By the way you also can hire a housekeeper. Is there a "treat" that you spend money on every week or every other week? Tell him that's going away unless he pitches in because you're hiring help!

Answer 3

Start with baby steps. Tell him very nicely how much you would appreciate him taking care of one small chore. Threatening him is not the answer and will just cause more turmoil which doesn't solve the problem. If he goes for that, the next time work up to a bigger chore and say something like "wouldn't it be fun to do this together?" "If we work together, we can get it down so much faster and then we can both relax". Always use a sweet tone in your voice and don't get demanding. Trust me. Taking the negative approach usually turns the other person in the opposite direction. My husband does this to me all of the time. However, if he wants me to do something and asks nicely, I'm more than happy to do it. Try it.

Answer 4

You cannot truly change anything except you and how you react.

Good relationships consist of: Commitment, Communication, Comprimise, and Sacrifice.

Are you effectivly Communicating how much it is bothering you? How about how important a change is to you?

Is he willing to Compromise? If not then you are left to the first sentence in this post, or perhaps a drastic move.

Are you and, or he willing to sacrifice for the relationship? Ask yourself what you can put up with as far as messy goes. Will he ask the same about helping you?

If none of these are true, then you have other problems beyond cleaning. It MAY be time to take a hard look inside, and at the relationship and see what each of your true needs are.

Good luck...

Answer 5

Oh, man, this is the age old dilemma. Some men are engrained by their childhood homelife not to help out around the house. Many marriages fail because of it. My in-laws have been married for 30 years and it's still a problem. If you are both busy and he won't work around the house, you need to sit him down and explain the conundrum. But don't expect an easy answer...men like that usually want a momma, not a wife.

Answer 6

It might just be how you're approaching him with it. It's hard to say, not knowing either of you. But whatever approach you've been using hasnt worked yet, so try something new. Make sure not to be accusatory, and be sure to acknowledge that you understand that going to college full time is stressful, and that he needs time to relax too.

Answer 7

Well, your lucky he's a college boy. He can read and write!!

SO, both of you sit down and make a chores list just like mom use to and post it on the firdge!! IF he finds this childish, you can remind him it won't last as long as he does his CONSTANT help!!

Let him know you don't like being the only resonsible partner any more.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Give him SPECIFIC things to do, and start slow. And write it down. Give him a certain job like "throw all the darks in the wash, when done, put in dryer, and then fold and put away", or "unload the dishwasher then put in dirty dishes". When he does this, hug and kiss him and tell him how wonderful it was that he did it and how he did a great job. I know it sounds childish, but sometimes you gotta play that card if its what works. Good luck!

Answer 9

tell him that you have hard days too and maybe you guys can designate a certain day were youboth clean and get things done like sunday. Or you can take turns on different days. Help each other out. Teamwork

or tell him to get off it

Answer 10

Tell him you miss having time with him. Then tell him you came up with a great idea ;o) This is when you hand him the furniture polish and continue to say "we can do some housecleaning together" with a smile on your face of course ;o)

Answer 11

I think hubby needs to grow up . He must realize that you and him shoyuld share all things. This even means cleaning the house. Perhaps he would assist you if youi wore a 'french maid' outfit while cleaning. . cant hurt to try it ..LOL