Dealing with looks?

Question

I am not the worlds most attractive person (I have heard comments regarding it a few times) and this is seriously affecting my love life.

I have friends and have no personality problems and have never recived a complaint before about that and have no problems at all with tlaking to people I am quite confident.

However whenever I try to go for a girl I am always massivly nervous about being put down because I am out of their league. Its not even like I go for the good looking one its just I feel they are all out of my league.

I have been with women before but those relationships have just 'happened' and it been about 6 months I have been waiting around for another and I need the confidence to try and jump start another one.

I was just wondering is there any way to tell if a girl is offended by your looks before asking in a way or just any ways I can get my confidence up to do this as I enjoy life I would just like someone to share it with.

Answer 1

Do you really want to be with a woman who you think is 'offended by your looks'?

Answer 2

I like bettdavi's answer and agree with it.

But, think of your situation this way. You think that people are judging you on your looks, well, some do ~ by varying degrees, but then, you are doing just the same as them ~ by aiming 'low' (as it were) wherein you describe something re 'League' tables.

If you like the looks of a girl, then take a chance, she can only say 'No,' and one of these is NOT 'the end of the world,' though I appreciate that it might feel like it.

Those who judge 'on looks alone' (or money or ..whatever) are probably very shallow , and I doubt that you'd want to spend any time paddling about in the shallows, would you?

Ok, it's easy for anyone to say, 'Just be yourself,' But it's the truth. If you try to be anything other than that, then you are being a liar, uninteresting and very liable to fall flat on your face in the tangled web you'd end up trying to weave.

Sash.

Answer 3

Hey, nobody is perfect. In general any girl would be flattered if you started to talk to her or show an interest in her, and if she is offended by your looks, then quite frankly, she's not worth talking to.

Please don't be put off by other peoples comments, most of the girls I know would go for Personality over looks any day - myself included.

As long as you are kind, polite and have a sense of humour you will have no problems. There is no need to ask a girl if she is offended by your looks, you are who you are, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just keep smiling and go for it.

Good luck x

Answer 4

You have to love yourself first and foremost, not in a narcissistic, arrogant way, just be happy with what you have. Believe me there are plenty of medical journals out there with photos to prove you are not as ugly as you think!!!!
I was an ugly duckling and for a while it brought me down, then I thought to myself, sod it why am I making myself into a recluse, because people can't see past the skin. I stopped looking for love and just got on with having a great time with my true friends, I lost that scent of desperation the single man wears and started having fun, and that is the aphrodisiac, girls started asking me out!!! Not because of plastic surgery or a trinny and susannah make over but I was happy with myself, level headed, kind and having a good time with my friends. The looks were immaterial, you've had relationships that have 'just happened' it is a universal truth that you always come across what your looking for when you've stopped looking for it.
Best of Luck

Answer 5

I am certain you have an inferiority complex - people can be mean with comments, and I wuoldn't mind betting you are not so bad! I am attractive with good boobs and hair - but I am overwieght and I have had comments about that! You are what you are, and we can't live up to other peoples expectations in this world of shallow imagery so don't worry. The right one for you will come along, ( they always do - really!) just keep your chin up and try to stay cheerful - so that when she does find you, you don't chase her off with any self - obsessed misery!

Answer 6

You just need to put yourself out there....don't take any notice of anyones opinions on your looks, just because you aren't their type doesn't mean that a few girls out there who will think you are drop dead gorgeous.

Everyone gets a few knock backs when it comes to relationships, it makes us a stronger person after we get over the hurt/pain/mistrust etc.

Don't go out specifically looking for someone, I didn't and I met a guy who I have now been with for almost 10 years.

Answer 7

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so just because some people have made remarks doesn't mean everyone feels the same.Try and relax one of the most attractive thing about a man is if they make you feel relaxed and happy.

Answer 8

The one sure way to tell if a girl is interested in you no matter what you look like is to try a make eye contact. If she looks you in the eyes and lingers or smiles then she likely to be receptive to conversation. Once you start talking to her, its more about what you say than what you look like. Most women fall in love with their ears. Guys fall in love with their eyes. It's likely you are much more self conscious and critical about your looks than a woman would be.

Answer 9

believe it or not there are ppl out there that dont care what u look like. Im sure u dont need to find someone who cares what u look like if everyone went for other ppls looks i dont think love wise that is that they would ever find thier soul mate just approach who u like or start simple conversation if they are not interested oh well its thier loss. dont worry about what ppl think about u just go for it and im sure u will find someone who cares for u and that u can care for as well best of luck. to the world u may be a person but to one person u may be the world just remember that k. best wishes to you.

Answer 10

I feel your pain. I'm also not very physically attractive. It also severly hampered my dating and love life.

My wife was not attracted to me because of my looks, she says she was attracted to other aspects of who I am. It wasn't my confidence either - when I first met her I was as insecure, shy and screwed up as the next ugly guy.

All to say that confidence does attract women who, based only upon looks, might not give you the time of day. But true confidence isn't rooted in arrogance, it's rooted in growing comfortable with who you really are, strengths, weaknesses and shortcomings intact. And that takes time and a growing maturity and knowledge of who you really are.

Best to you.

Answer 11

I say, before you even go up and talk to her you should try to make eye contact. If she looks back at you and smiles, go for it. If she turns away, she's probably not interested. Read their body language before you put yourself in the vulnerable situation of getting shot down.