How should I deal with my 9 month olds tantrums?

Question

My 9 month old throws tantrums if he doesn't get his way. I have tried to distract him by redirecting him to a new activity but it doesn't seem to help. I don't want to give in and give him a toy( or whatever he is screaming for) because I don't want him to think that by screaming he will get what he wants. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Tantrums typically start at 12 months so it could be that he really needs something, rather than having a tantrum. i guess you would be able to sense the difference.
there is a very good book called Baby Hearts, which is based on the latest research and you might like to read.
But basically they advocate: first of all trying to avoid cause for tantrums first of all by...
* stating clearly what you want your child to do;
* talking in positive language (e.g. sit down not don't stand up)
* distracting (although you say this has not worked): e.g. you can't have that knife, but here is the spoon
* praising your child for good behaviour rather than only pointing out bad behaviour
* give reasons e.g. No you can't have that knife because it can hurt you
* giving words to his feelings (apparently the reason they get frustrated a lot is because they can not express themselves) - so for example.. I understand you are angry that you can't have that knife, but it can hurt you)
Finally don't say No over and over again, just state the case very firmly and calmly e.g. We need to go now. OR put that toy down now please.
If nothing else helps: you can try time out, e.g. putting child in room/or cot /or quiet corner. MAXIMUM 1 minute per year of age - so in your sons case, about half a minute.

Answer 2

First ask yourself if your little one needs something. Does he need his diaper changed, food in his belly, something to drink, is he tired, or does he have gas? Once you've done the process of elimination, and decide it's none of these than he is just doing the normal thing that baby's do. They cry, fuss, and throw fits sometimes for reasons beyond us, it's just what they do.
It's true that this is something that you will just have to go through. It's possible, I suppose, to have a child who doesn't go through this tantrum stage, but for most of us it is a reality. My son did his fair share around that age and I would let him do it. I mean, think about it, how are you going to stop him. YOU CANT. My suggestion is, let him do it, don't give him any special attention while he is doing it because that will only fuel the fire and definitely don't give him whatever it is that his is throwing a fit over. Believe it or not it's actually good for them to just be able to cry it out every now and then. This kind of gets into the whole self-soothing thing. Anyhow, good luck, it does get better.

Answer 3

Tantrums are only effective if there is an audience. Leave the room when he starts and completely ignore the tantrum. You may find that when you leave the room, he will stop, find you and start the tantrum back up.

The worst thing you could do is to give into him and give him what he wants or coddle him. This would only reinforce the behavior because he gets a response from you.

I know it is frustrating but it won't take him long to figure out that a tantrum just won't work.

Answer 4

I think at that age, they're too young to throw a real tantrum (oh, just wait until he's two!) They are becoming aware of their limitations and get really frustrated. They want a toy, and cannot reach it, they want to walk and (most) cannot...

There are two books called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". The author has a slightly unconventionaly method, but I took some good points from the books. For example, we try to distract our babies when we don't want them to have something. He equates that to going to the doctor to tell him you're sick and having the doctor say, "Oh, look out the window...an airplane!!" Go to Amazon.com and you can preview this book to see what you think.

BTW, 9 months is WAY too young for formal discipline. And spanking? Good grief...I don't know what people are thinking!

Answer 5

You are absolutely correct,DO NOT GIVE IN! I have 2 children and eventually they figure out that the tantrum thing does not work. Some a little longer than others. With mine I would usually put them in their room until they calmed down, then go in and let them know that they are in there because of the tantrum. Now, if the tantrum thing starts I just have to look at them, and they know if they keep on, they definitely won't get whatever it is. It just takes time.

Answer 6

Good grief! a) redirection doesn't often work, not unless you catch the issue BEFORE the tantrum is under way. By then it's too late. b) discipline him! Put h im in his crib and go away and don't come back until he stops crying (or falls asleep). Then, since kids this age don't evenr emember what they were fussing about by then, just go on wtih the day as if nothing happened. You are teaching him that a tantrum gets him ignored, and that you will come get him when he is calm.

Answer 7

Ignore it. He'll eventually understand that it won't work. Whatever you do, do not give in. My husband's idiot friend's idiot wife has pretty much trained her kids that if they pitch a fit they'll get whatever they want. I've seen those kids throw a tantrum till they threw up just to get their way because they've already learned that pitching a fit works.

Answer 8

This is a delicate issue. I wouldn't spank him. But he most definitely is not too young to try to manipulate you. A child will try anything to see what works as far as getting what they want. If he gets plenty of love and attention, doesn't need burping, and isn't hungry or ill, let him throw his fit, and sooner or later, he will see that throwing a fit isn't going to get him his way. No is the first thing they need to learn. Do not underestimate his intelligence. Babies are smarter than most people give them credit for.

Answer 9

How come you won't let him play with it? Just curious. It could be part of his personality. He could be just really attached to that toy. You can't really do much now...he's too young. Then what the other poster said. You take away the cell phone, fine a replacement toy to distract him.

Answer 10

Make sure he is in a safe environment (like in his crib) and ignore it. You are right. If you give in to his tantrums then he will learn that that behavior works to get him his way.