Can somebody please make me laugh???

Question

I need it.

Answer 1

The Building of the Fire-department-Academy is on fire.

Answer 2

i was sent this by a friend hope it helps!!


Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.

He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to a radio

station in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience

contest.

She won.



Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office.

I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would

share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.



Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a

few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to

the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel-powered industrial

water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the

sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the

diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times

with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose

and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with

warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a

few seconds my bum started to burn! I pulled the hose out from my back,

but the damage was done.

In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked

up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't

stick to it. However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the

jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five

other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted

the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops

totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin

my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass

helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running

down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum

as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I

couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much

worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ****.

Now repeat to yourself, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a Jellyfish Bad

Day?

May you NEVER have a Jellyfish Bad Day!!!!!



Best Regards



Andy Tait

Answer 3

Rio's Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

1. Chocolate always tastes good.
2. Chocolate is always consensual.
3. You can eat chocolate in the back of a cab and no one will care.
4. Your significant other won't care if you eat chocolate with someone else.
5. No one will care if you're white and you prefer dark chocolate.
6. You don't have to fake it with chocolate.
7. No major religions frown upon chocolate.
8. No one waits to get married before they eat chocolate.
9. You can't get pregnant from chocolate.
10. You can't get STDs from chocolate.
11. No one has to use protection when eating chocolate.
12. The sheets stay clean when you eat chocolate.
13. No one frowns upon movies with two men eating chocolate together.
14. The government knows to stay out of our chocolate lives.
15. You don't have to pay $150 for chocolate.
16. You don't have to go out to a club wearing a crop top and Daisy Duke shorts to get chocolate.
17. You don't need a pill to enjoy chocolate.
18. It only takes a few seconds to get pleasure from chocolate.
19. The size of the nuts doesn't matter with chocolate.
20. Everyone swallows with chocolate.

Answer 4

hopefully this will help and if your easily offended then im sorry but i got it in an email when i needed it and i laughed so i hope it helps so cheer up and best wishes to you.

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you
are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots
whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in
the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying
that...that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman
responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's
house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out
in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away,
Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

Answer 5

A Cowboy was caught by the indians. As was custom he was given a last request.

The Chief said, "What you last wish?" The Cowboy answered, "I want to talk to my horse!"

The Chief says, "Strange, but your wish" and brings the horse over to the Cowboy, who whipsers into the horses ear.

Just then the horse bolts off across the field over the horizon.

Later as evening aproached, and the indians were preparing to light up the Cowboy, his horse, and 100 naked screaming women come running from the distance into the india's camp.

Well as one could expect, the indians saw this and could not help but drink, dance, and have an orgy all night with the women!

The next day the now tired and worn out Chief says to the Cowboy, "You give such good party last night, we give another wish before you die."

The Cowboy tells the chief he wants to talk to his horse again.

The chief says, "Strange wish again, but okay." The Chief brings the horse over to the Cowboy.

The Cowboy leans over to the horse and says: "I said Posse damnit!"

Answer 6

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogy in it. : )

What do you call sea-bound escargot?
A Snailer : )

A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel tied to his zipper. The bartender asks why. The pirate says "Dar , she's driving me nut's"

A Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks "Why the long face?"

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Damn (Dam) : )

Have you heard about the new pirates of the Caribbean movie?
It's rated "Darr" : )

I hope I helped. : )

Answer 7

Maybe someone will tell you a funny Dating story, since that's the category...I do think there's a humor or jokes category though somewhere...surf over there and see if some of the posts get a giggle out of you...

A lot of the post here, are more glum...people needing dating advice or wanting to heal a broken heart...

Answer 8

Cow Pat Lip Gloss

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."

"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."

Answer 9

I hope this helps.......
Everyday at the coffee machine a male employee would always stand very close to this particular female co-worker, take a big sniff and tell her how nice her hair smelled. After weeks of this she became fed up and went to human resources to file a sexual harassment complaint against him. Puzzled, the human resources manager asked why did she consider his smelling her hair sexual harassment. She replies..........because he is a midget.

Answer 10

Watch this
http://louhi.kempele.fi/~skyostil/archive/dump/flash/endofworld.swf