Trust ISSUE...?

Question

Trust ISSUE...?
so my boyfriend and i have had a rocky past... more so for me than for him. 2 years ago we had some "complications" and since then i've had some what of a trust barrier. nothing has happened in the two years since, and i have forgiven him, but i have not forgotten. now we have TRUST ISSUES. is it my fault that i have a problem trusting him completely, or should he accept that what he did had consequences, and realize that it's going to be a little more difficult to earn all of my trust back? I'm not saying that I haven't done anything wrong... but not to the degree that he has. I have not broken his heart, I have never given him a reason to fear losing me! Coming from him... what I do wrong is basically (from my veiw of what he tells me) care too much. In my veiw it's either all or nothing, it's been 3 years, after that long a relationship can't just be a "you do what you want, I'll do what I want" kind of thing, am I right.

Answer 1

IF YOU AND HIM HAVE TRUST ISSUES AND YOUR NOT MARRIED THEN FIND SOMETHING NEW. MOVE ON SISTA!!!!

Answer 2

I feel like I should of been asking this question myself. I'm in the same boat as you. I'm not sure how your situation is but I do know that mine has never been as good as it once was.

The big problem is that now that I'm still with him he figures that he's got me hooked and that I'll never leave him. This is a problem because now he thinks he can treat me any way he pleases and that I'll put up with it. Well, he's got another thing coming.

I hope that you find the strength to move on. I still haven't found mine but I know that you do need trust and need to be treated right. You should always come first.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Yeah you are particially right in a way wanting to to what you want attitude and he do what he wants but that is really not the issue here you have a trust problem and that I find nothing wrong with it at all we all at times have that ...I know I have a couple of times and so has my husband but that is something that you and only you will have to work out for yourself remember we all have that feeling of not trusting people because it is the only way to defend ourselves from being hurt...Listen do what your heart says and just be who you are..

Answer 4

When a guy tells you that your problem is caring too much, thats another way of saying stop caring for me, because he's cheated or is cheating on you, and he feels guilty, and wants to break it off, but hasn't come out and said it for some reason or an other, You need to re evaluate your relationship with him, is it benefiting you or him? if so how?, is the relationship too one sided? why are you still in a broken relationship if so can it be fixed or are you just fooling yourself?

God Bless
RS

Answer 5

Tough question. Trust is an issue with all relationships. If that trust is broken it is VERY difficult to regain. If you plan to stay the course of this companion then I would focus on where I can trust him. Then let the other trust issues grow over time.

Answer 6

u know i got on today to ask a very simular question, buy, i ran into ur question first. im real good at giving advice and seeing from all sides of a situation, so i decided to respond to ur question, and by doin so, it helped me w my issue. so, first off, i wanna thank u for showin me something.
but newayz, bk 2 tha point. i know how hard it is to fully trust sum1 again after theres been problems, belive me. ive been married 6 yrs, seperated 2 of them 6, and for the past 3 yrs weve been 2gether and have had another child. now, i have forgiven him and him me, but i still sumtimes find MYSELF thinkin bout tha past. the i start to wonder, worry, w/d myself, fight more often, and i mean..., its all in MY head, b/c i mean hes not even remembering or thinkin anything bout the past, but about the future, and i still havent let go. trust has to be earned, but..., it has to be given FIRST! if u truly luv him and want to move forward, u should be able to belive that all thats over and past, and never again. just know....! ur mind plays tricks, but, ur heart never lies! pray bout it, good luck!

Answer 7

His fault for losing your trust, however your inability to forgive and forget point to trust issues that extend beyond your boyfriend. Talk to someone that can help you to figure out where these issues stem from (trust me, it probably goes WAY back..like childhood) and come to terms with them.
In the interim, give him a break. Good luck.

Answer 8

My advice is to never stay with someone you have trust issues with. All you do is waste your life trying to monitor their behavior and search for "clues". 3 years is long enough to know this isn't going anywhere. Rocky past = rocky future.

Answer 9

he needs to realize that it's not going to be as easy for you to trust him now. you should be working on getting better at it though. because if 5 years down the road you're still wary of him it's not going to end well. maybe you should attend counseling to work through your problems so that you're relationship will get stronger