My fiancee said our relationship is going down the tubes...Is it true HELP?

Question

We have been through so much together and we have been arguing alot lately. I believe I am suffering in depression and I have back sliden significantly in my walk as a Christian. We went to Vegas for a weekend trip with all of our friends and one night I got really drunk and yelled at him and berated him and told him "I felt like beating him up or leaving the Room". Needless to say I had a reason to be upset but not to express myself in that manner. I felt ashamed and foolish. I also got really insecure and starting begging him not to be mad at me and not to leave me. He then said, "since we have been engaged I feel our relationship as gone down the tubes...all we do is fight". I immediately sensed that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Since then he has not talked to me and has not come to bed for two days. He hasn't asked for the ring back he hasn't asked me to leave, but he is totally ignoring me.. He keeps saying to "leave him alone". I am trying but it is really hard

Answer 1

You need professional help if you are going to save your relationship - and more importantly, save yourself. You are definitely no longer in control of your depression or your drinking.

Go to your pastor/priest and ask him to recommend a therapist and/or support group. Go to your doctor and tell him/her about your depression. Take action based upon their recommendations. Then go to your fiancee and tell him about the steps you are taking, and ask him to attend couples/premarital counseling with you.

Don't wait, don't make excuses, don't put this off. Get help nnow and get yourself back on the right track. Good luck!

Answer 2

First, think why you wanted to marry him in the first place. What made you say yes? If you're arguing so much, what would you say to someone who asked you why you were still together?
The Vegas incident is your fault, although you might have had reason to yell what you said hurt him. The first order of business is trying to fix that hurt. Fighting is indicative of other things being wrong so the best way to fix it is to communicate- this means not using "You" statements ("when YOU do this" or "I don't like when YOU..."). Those make people defensive and its a sure-fire way to get into another argument. Try talking to him with phrases like "I feel hurt when..." or "I don't feel...", "I'd like it if..."- things that put a little on you too. Its a two way street, if he does things wrong you've got to be able to admit that you do things wrong as well. The fact that he's not talking to you indicated that he's still hurt. If he won't respond to you, try writing him a note. In it, make sure it is very clear that what you want is to be with him and that you don't want to argue, what you want is to communicate and work things out. If you're still 100% committed to the relationship, then you can still fix things.
Good luck.

Answer 3

You made a mistake and he's trying to assert his dominance over you as a male. He's trying to break you down right now with a "Dont you ever talk to me like that!" attitude.

He wants to be in control and this is his way of being in control. I highly doubt he seriously wants to call off the engagement otherwise he would have left or told you to leave by now. Hes just upset and probably a bit of a control freak from what it sounds like to me.

If alcoholism or consistent drug use is involved seek counseling ASAP. I would also seek help for depression and honestly ask yourself if he is possibly a source of that depression.

Answer 4

aww man, im sorry to hear that girl!!! but it looks like he may be either thinking of it hard about staying or going. cau think of it, why would he still be ther if he dosent care. yall been together 4a long time, i dont think he'd let this love that yall had 4this long time end like that. to find out sooner instead of driving ur self so craz you could do this: prepare a lunch or dinner(depending on what time he gets home normally , to surprise him ) a candle light time, slow music>when u hear him coming in throgh the door(play the song yall have together) and wear his favorite out fit, what he likes. and fav.perfume. b4 he can say ne thing, bring him 2da table and start to serve him the wine, food, and tell him what dessert is(his fav,) and ask him what he thinks? how was ur day,night? then when u see that is working and he luks calm,drag it ou of him

Answer 5

Try talking it out find the reason be hide all the arguing . Let him know you love him and don't want to lose him . That you love him enough to work on the problem .Listen to what the arguing is about.

Answer 6

You need to learn how to control yourself and by that I mean on how you express yourself. When you were angry at him, you can express it, but be careful how you do it. Also give him his space, he is probably thinking of what to do and if you are all up inhis face, he may decide to just bail on the relationship.

Answer 7

you should sit down and try to talk about it if that doesnt work you and him should spend a day or two away and think about your relationship and how much it means to you last thing is he write for you

Answer 8

1st of all, u need help. not in ur relationship, that is secondary. primary, YOU need help. you need to start working on what kind of Woman u want to be. what kind of woman do u think a man wants? can respect? can love and admire, til death do you part? =T love can only get u so far, and it can turn into hate like THAT.. u have to nurture, grow and respect your relationship. that starts with Yourself.. if u don't know how to take care of urself, how can u possibly take care of ur husband? =T this does NOT bode well for u. u have to prove to him that u will do what it takes to become a Good Woman, Good Wife, and future mother.

also, my advice to u regarding ur christian walk... Everyone makes mistakes. it's what u do AFTERWARDS that counts! Read Romans 5-8.. it really changed my life. i learned that Jesus died for our sins: past, present and future! that means, no matter what i have done, or will do, i am Forgiven thru God's Grace. there is no more need to feel Guilty, Depressed, Useless, or Punish yourself... Jesus died so we don't need to be Punished anymore!!!!! and because i truly accept and appreciate that, i can now REJOICE in it!! i can live my life as Joyfully, Happily, Fulfillingly as possible in order to give Thanks to Jesus for His Sacrifice. that is the FREEDOM that Jesus wants for us.. to stop punishing urself for messing up once in awhile.. it's not about being perfect.. but it's about a perfect Attitude. being able to stop dwelling on the negatives.... and focus on the positives!

i also learned that this is Quite like a marriage: now u are FREE to give and receive love without Fear of Rejection, Punishment, etc. this man will pledge to Love and Commit and Trust you NO MATTER WHAT. and you will pledge to LOVE and Commit and Trus him NO MATTER WHAT. instead of thinking of this as scary, or fear that ur not up to it, you need to REJOICE in the fact that u've found someone who will love you like this. that means, appreciating and rejoicing in his love, you WILL BE TRUSTWORTHY. you Will want to be good to him. u will want him to continue trusting u. u will want him to be able to count on you..and that means making good decisions, not treating him badly, not getting so drunk u hurt his feelings, etc. it is a responsibility yes, but one done WILLINGLY and Joyfully. if either of u don't feel this way, DO NOT GET MARRIED.

good luck, and do ur best to be the best Woman u can be... and encourage and inspire him to be the best Man he can be.. and u will have a wonderful marriage if u continue to preserve, appreciate, and GROW your love. always work on it, because marriage is Work---a fulfilling, voluntary work that can be extremely wonderful.... of course there will be obstacles, but if u truly trust and love each other, u can get thru anything. right now u are going thru an obstacle...if u can get past it, Appreciate that and work hard on making the marriage a solid thing.

Answer 9

Try to give a little space, apologize then just wait he will call be patient....