Grandparents - pushed put?

Question

Our daughter in-law has post natal depression, we think so anyway.
She does not want to visit us with our son and grandchildren and says she 'feels uncomfortable'.
We really feel like we are being pushed out.
Anyone else have this experience or similar.

Answer 1

Have you accepted her into your family? Been nice and helpful to her? Talked to her, done things for her?

Answer 2

aaahhh yeah...the in-law...I didn't get to see my gn-daughter for about a year because of our son in-law being a jerk. I hung in there he's gone, so I see the kids when ever I want.
Post natal d. sometimes can really get nasty. Hang in there, be supportive and show love by example. Give it some time. I know how it feels. As long as your son knows of your love, right now that will account for a lot. Without hearing both sides this is all I can offer for now. May be a need for some counseling in the future....Good day

Answer 3

If she feels uncomfortable. One of the most common points that comes up is that grandparents are full of confidence in bringing up a family and quite rightly so. The confidence they have can sometimes comes across as patronising. Have a wee think in case that’s you and if you could ease the situation.

STOP AND THINK
Grandparents
1) Learn to bite your tongue. It’s their way, it may not be yours.
2)Don’t dominate, suggest. Be prepared to accept no.
3)Remember the children are the responsibility of their parents.
4)You raised your family your way, let them do it their way.
5) Let the parents build up their own confidence.
6) Be friendly, you don’t have to love or like somebody to be civil.
7)If able, be prepared to help when asked, step back when not.
8)If you are estranged, try writing to the parents.
Stress that it is the whole family you would like to see, not just the children. The adults can feel left out, so befriend her or him especially. Be prepared to ‘give’ a lot if you want to get back into your grandchildren’s lives.
9)Find out about Mediation is in your area. Be prepared to attend.
10)The situation can be delicate, never lose your temper. Be prepared to accept you can be wrong - agree to disagree.
Give your children a better chance. Call us we can help - Grandparents Apart Self Help Group Scotland 0141 882 5658

Answer 4

yes i have had this for the last eleven years.but i would no let my daughter in law push us out, every week i would and still do, send her a miss you card, or thinking of you card,each week i put i pound into a money box for her she has had some great things out of that money over the years ,the have a computer so i e-mail her every week now she's old enough to come and stay with us once a month ,just keep yourself interested in the child they might come round mine did.good luck don't give up.

Answer 5

Go round to their house and visit, try and take your daughter in law out for lunch, take your grand kids over night so that she can relax.

Depression is an awful thing, if need be get your son to take her to the doctor and see what they can do for her.

Answer 6

I think we Cypriots have the monopoly the exclusive on this problem..
I am in the same boat.. but i have a grandson also who is being used along with my son as a weapon against me and my wife.. she refuses to visit.. or let my son and grandson call on us..I feel like taking legal action to have rights to see my grandson ..but then it will get nasty..it may come to that ..hang in there..

Answer 7

You're not a pushy grandparent are you? Like the ones who visit every weekend for hours on end? Maybe she is fed up of you?

Or perhaps she has got PND, and you should discuss your concerns with your son. Either way I'm sure you can work it out. :-)

Answer 8

Have u spoken to ur son n told him how u feel??
If she is sufferin from post natel depression she will need time on her own....I knw it will be hard but give her time

BUT _ most of all speak to ur son n let him knw how u feelin

Answer 9

Surely your son should be inviting you around. Why don't you go round?
Sometimes "new" parents need time to adjust before introducing other family members? I don't knoe maybe you should talk to your son!

Answer 10

i had P.N.D and i had it in my head that my inlaws didnt think was looking after my boy properly i fell out with them big time like silly things they say like oh do you know hes got a birthmark on his leg?duhhh of course i do hes my boy.wat to do is take a step back and dont try to hard or she will think your just saying stuff to be nice.get your wife to share some of her stories of when your kids were little.let your duaghter in lwa know that your not trying to undermine her and babies are hard work.
she will be okay in the future god me and my mother in law go shoppping together now but she can still say stupid stuff like oh the wee man liked that sort of soup when he was younger like i was that ill id forgotten.

Answer 11

Uncomfortalbe about what?
Ask your son to bring the baby to your house instead.