A friend of mine committed suicide: help me understand?

Question

the Christains I spoke to told me that because he took his own life, he would burn for eternity in punishment for throwing away god's gift.
But I don't understand why a loving god would make life so horrible for any of his creatures in the first place.
PS before you answer note that both he and I are devout pagan, and that I loved him like a brother. I just want to know why a "good Christian" would tell me such things by way of comfort.

Answer 1

I am truly sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend a few years back to suicide (and it took massive amounts of therapy for me to get over survivor's guilt). I'm Roman Catholic and I think I may have some answers for you.

Yes, it is the popular belief that suicides burn in hell. However, I have a firm belief that God is more merciful then us humans. While I do not think that suicides are ushered into heaven on arrival, I do think they wait in purgatory (a spiritual waiting room, a Catholic belief). There, we can pray for them to reach heaven while they do some kind of penance for their sins. It is a Catholic belief that many of us wind up in purgatory because we fall short of heaven through human error.

NOt all branches of Christianity believe this. Many just have heaven and hell.

You said you and your friend were pagan. Surely you have a version of death that your friend is in. Reincarnation, Elishian fields or something like that. Don't let what others say bring you down. Be it your version or purgatory, your friend is not suffering and will want you to be happy.

If it helps, I will add you and your friend to my prayers. I hope your life gets better and you can smile again. It's hard loosing a friend like that. YOu have my greatest sympathy.

Answer 2

Whatever your friend's scruples were, those are between himself and the man upstairs.

Please understand a few things about religion though. Religion is another unifying and identifying force as much as any other which guides a community to pursue a certain lifestyle. As far as God condemning your friend to hell for eternity, that's hypocritical. When a person commits suicide, he doesn't do so because he can't forgive himself, but because he doesn't see a way to fit in the real world with whatever burdens him. When he's judged, God will ask him if he forgives himself, and I suspect he'll say yes because committing suicide allowed him to escape whatever plagued him.

Still, we don't know what death is like, and we most likely never will. We don't know what happens to our will, perception of time, or our sanity, so it's very difficult to say death can be relieving. More so, by dying an individual can no longer contribute to a community and will only create waves which can depress everyone else. The Christians you talked to are basically saying (in conjunction with their faith), "Don't worry yourself sick over him. Doing so will only hurt and distract your mind as well as keep you from enjoying life."

This doesn't mean you can't reflect upon him or respect what he did while alive. Just that sometimes, its not worth our while to discover what was wrong either because the answer will come naturally with experience and maturity, or because our efforts can be invested better elsewhere.

Answer 3

I'm a Christian and I do not think or know if he is actually going to burn for all eternity, while it is a sin to take your life that your Heavenly Father gave you, I, as well as any other Christian are not capable of determining your friends Fate, or should not try to GOD/JESUS are the only ones who are JUST enough to make such a decision.

Answer 4

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure you are hurting at the present time. I've had good friends that have died also over the years and I miss them a lot. I'm a Christian and I hope that my brothers and sisters would have given a comforting explanation to your question.
I believe God wants the best for all of us and that He loves us all like a father. Christianity does not teach that God is responsible for the terrible things in the world. We are taught that these are the result of man's rebellion and not knowing God.
God can not work in the lives of them that won't allow Him to. That's the way it has to be.... we all make a choice.
I pray that your grief will subside and your wounds will heal.

Answer 5

I don't know why a "good Christian" would choose those words for words of "comfort." We are told to "speak the truth in love." The truth is that God judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. The truth is that God "is not willing that any should perish, but that all would come to repentance." The truth is that God has revealed himself to all people through creation and that he calls all people to himself. And the truth is that not all will listen or respond and that we will either spend eternity with God--if we choose to respond--or apart from God--if we choose to ignore God. The truth is that no one but God knows for sure what was in your friend's heart when he died or where he will spend eternity. The truth is that you can't do anything now to change the fate of your good friend and "brother," but you can consider God's offer of forgiveness through Jesus Christ. You can decide to choose to spend eternity with God if you want to. That choice is yours to make. The truth is that if you reject God, he will not force you to comply and you will spend eternity apart from him and all the good and wonderful things that are a reflection of his character.

Love means being gentle and kind, but not pretending things are different than they are in hopes of making you feel okay about the loss of a dear friend.

Answer 6

God is a loving God but a jealous God as well. We need to put him first. He is clear about the choice that we have to make--it's either heaven or hell. I am so sorry that you lost someone so close to you in such a tragic way--but do you see how important it is to witness to people and give them the opportunity to accept Christ. If your friend was living for the Lord--he would've turned his problem over to the Father. In Christ, nothing is impossible. As Christians, we need to speak the truth, like Jesus did when he walked the earth. Thou shalt not kill is one of the commandments and that includes ourselves. We don't have the power to take a life---only God does. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and I pray that you find peace in the Lord, so that He can direct your path, and you can be a testimony to others who are in a suicidal state.

Answer 7

from a SPIRITUAL point of view ,the God i understand also understands that a person who has committed suicide is usually deeply disturbed in some sort of mental capacity .
so God recognises sickness and death from the physical so surely he also KNOWS when it is from the mental ..........so no your friend is not going to hell mainly because there really is not one ........
also my belief system also allows for the soul of this person to have come here to GIVE his life so that other souls in his soul group will LEARN from his life .................yes i am talking reincarnation .....................so no soul shall perish ,,,,if you realise that people and children who die or suffer really made the choice with those around them to choose to this sort of life experience that it was all agreed on before hand ,then you know we are all made of love and give and give so that we might learn to become enlightened through the experience on the heavy planet we call earth ,,,,,it is the school of the universe ,,,no where else is there such heavy negative lessons .
anyway take care and know your friend lived for a reason and also that he is NOT in some eternal hell ............................

Answer 8

Obviously you did not speak to a good christian. No one can definatively say your friend will burn in hell. I believe God is the only one who can judge that and God judges us on what is in our hearts. Who can say which way God will judge. I am sorry you are suffering the loss of a friend. My heart goes out to you. I realize you are a pagan but I will still pray for God to help ease your grief. Whatever your belief system, I feel sorrow for your pain. Wish I understood a little more about what exactly you follow but I guess I can look it up. My sister is a shaman who follows the I AM discourses and her live in boyfriend is a wiccan. So we practice lots of tolerance in my family.

Answer 9

I don't know why any one would tell you that much less a christian. I don't know what the next life holds for your friend. I know I lost a friend in 7th grade who shot himself with a shotgun. I wish every day I had been able to do somthing to help him. I don't know what the next life holds for people that take their own life. I do know that God is just and merciful. What ever happens will be both of those things. To say otherswise is to deny the very nature of our Father in Heaven. Be of good hope. He is in God's hands now. He will learn and understand why he felt the way he did. He will find the truth and learn to apply it to all that he now is. Somday he will stand next to you and take you by the hand and teach you all that he has learned.

i hope that some day I can do the same with my child hood friend.

God bless.

Yes I am a Christian.

Answer 10

to be honest pagan or christian no words to console you, you have lost a great friend. try to cope with it the best you can,look at photos remember the good times... you will never stop missing your friend, there will be reminders everywhere.. .see a therapist if necessary.i honestly don't know why that partucular ans would be of comfort to you....i hope one day that you accept christ as yoru savior but that was not the right time or place for such a thing(actually no time is in my opinion). pls forgive that person-i apologize for that ignorant brother in Christ....pls don't think we are all that way!