Why does my mother hate me so much?

Question

My mother absolutly hates me, this is not just an insecure response to feeling unloved either. She has actually told people horrible horrible things that have no shred of truth behind it. She aims to make my life miserable. I am an adult now married with children, she even says horrible things about how i care for my children. Why is she like this?

Answer 1

Its hard with a mother like that i would ask her why she says these things and confront her about it and tell her if she continues to make you feel miserable then you might be better off without her. Its not always the best thing to do but sometimes you have too

Answer 2

Sometimes its jealously. No matter what, a mother will not hate you. Seeing you go away and start your own family can be very dificult for a mother. You have to understand where she is coming from, also. Saying things about how you raise your kids is definetly rude, however. Try telling her that you know what shes saying and its really rude. And the pain that she is causing you. May be jealously and you may be able to talk to her about how each of you feel .talkings always good. Best of luck!

Answer 3

We could be sisters except for the fact my mother passed away last month. I have come to realize over the years that some people, like my mother and apparently your's, aren't happy unless they are unhappy. They seem to get some kind of joy out of causing unhappiness, it's like they "feed" off the negative energy. My solution was to move away from my mother physically, mentally and emotionally. I moved 400 miles away so that she couldn't see, talk about or interfer in my day-to-day life. Mentally, I decided that my mother had loved me the best way she could and even though it wasn't enough, she was still my mother. I also took the time to write my mother a long (9-page) letter to explain my point of view about my childhood and life up until then, and where I would like to see my life and my relationship with her go. For almost 10 years, I had nothing to do with my mother -- no phone calls, no emails, no letters. That was my choice to protect myself from her emotional abuse. When I felt strong enough and brave enough to reopen that chapter of my life, I contacted my mother. It took every bit of that 10 years plus a few more for my mother to begin to realize the value of having a friendship with her daughter. Unfortunately because of her death, we won't have the opportunity to further that friendship into a real mother-daughter relationship. Get some counseling, talk to you mother, and do what you need to do to get on with your life. Some people, you just can't make happy. Good luck.

Answer 4

For whatever reason, she is insecure about her own life, and how she has raised you. You know the things that she says are untrue, the only thing that you can do is explain to her that as long as this behavior continues to happen that you have to cut her out of your life, this will only bring you and your family pain if you continue to let her have any control of your life or of your happiness. Raise your children with love and understanding, let them know that there are things that are just out of there hands, and remember that there are things out of yours. I know that everyone needs there mother, but sometimes we just have to move on with the things that we want but can't have. Good luck!

Answer 5

I agree with kc (thirteenth answer).
My mother gets by on making us feel unworthy and tried to use my children against me. ( When my kids didn't agree with her and stood up to her she called them ungrateful, awful kids and blamed me for it). She has not changed and probably never will.
I have had move on with my life without her only because whatever I do will never be enough for her.
Surround yourself with people who love you and don't look back. You can love your mother for many things that are good but it doesn't mean you have to like the person she has become.

Answer 6

Talk to mom and ask her why. You guys need some serious discussion together.
Tell her that you love her no matter wat she says .This would really melt her heart and makes her realize.
I think the most importaant thing is you need to have a long conversation with her about the past or present which might have relation to her feelings.

Answer 7

I don't know you back ground but maybe your father left her and she is taking it out on you. Or maybe she got pregnant at an early age and she blames you for it. Or she could just be a b*tch!!! And love nothing better to do then complain.

Stand up for yourself and tell her off! Tell her just how you feel.

Answer 8

Seems very hard to believe. And equally hard to condemn another w/o truly knowing the particulars. Do you have siblings?
If so, do they feel as you do? Obviously something is not right here. Simply because you feel as you do.

Answer 9

Could she be jealous of you? Would she be open to family therapy?
It sounds like maybe a third party mediator might be what's needed.

Answer 10

Be as far as her as possible, if this is not possible, then try don´t feeling bad with her words, don´t let her win. I feel sorry for you, with mothers like this , who needs enemies?