What would you do?

Question

A few weeks ago, I was having a discussion with a guy that I've been seeing for the past two months. He told me that he had something he wanted to tell me and he hoped that I wouldn't be judgmental. I assured him that I am not that type of woman - I handle people on a case by case basis and I wouldn't want to date anyone willing to hide things from me.

One night, he revealed to me that he's on probation. Eight years ago he was the driver in a car crash where the passenger, one of his closest friends, was killed. He sustained serious injuries and nearly died himself. Drugs and alcohol were not a factor; rather, he was speeding and lost control of the car. He plead guilty to vehicular homicide and was put on probation. I am sure that he has learned a tragic lesson. I know that it took a lot for him to tell me that and I appreciated it.

He and I know a lot of the same people. One of those people knew him before and after the accident. He mentioned that the guy I'm dating did go

through therapy and that for all the stuff he's been through, he's doing very well. He went on to obtain a bachelor's degree, is working two good jobs and is starting an MBA program next fall. Truthfully, had he not told me about the accident, I would never have thought that anything was wrong with him.

The problem is when I told my mother, she suggested that I don't get too serious with him. Another friend - she's like a mother to me - said the same thing. She thinks that the accident is the reason why he's still single. She also mentioned that he's a walking time bomb - you just don't know when he'll snap. Of course, now I'm a little afraid that they might be right. I want to be rational about this and make the right choice. Any advice?

Answer 1

Don't make an issue of it. He suffered enough from this, learned from it and went on to make something of himself. He sounds like a good guy and one worth keeping.

Answer 2

I guess I missed something. I don't understand the walking time bomb.
It sounds like he has been through an awful lot, and that he is living with the guilt, of the car accident every day. It sounds like he is doing all the right things and trying to get his life together. He needs support. He must trust you a lot, to share the information that he did. He didn't know what your reaction was going to be. I don't see a reason why you can't be friends. Who knows what the future will bring.

Answer 3

well if you he would have never told you, you would have trusted him, and its nice that he trusts you and respects you, and if he is doing so well now, I am sure it scared him so much he realizes his life is better now then before the accident, I would stay with him but assure him if there is anything on his mind he can always talk to you, keep the communication line open at all times, if I were you I would stay with him, cause he trusts you so much by telling you the truth, where he could have hid it from you, then you finding out down the road what he really was like and cause a conflict in your relationship, he may blow the bomb one day, and if he does hopefully you can work it out, and were all single for one reason or 2 as well, we all have our defaults in life and manage to work around them, and move on from the experience that we caused and sometimes learn not to do it again. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I dont think it is fair to judge him due to an unfortunate event that took place in his life. He sounds like he has responsibility and is working towards bettering his life. Accidents happen and as long as he has or is dealing with what has happend it is not right to automatically consider him a walking time bomb. If you care about him and want to see where it goes I feel you should be a little more supportive of him for telling you...he could of kept it from you.

Answer 5

Snap? Just because he was in an accident. Though your mother and friend are wishing you the best, it sounds like they have their heads up their rears, collectively speaking.

Judge him as anyone that's made a mistake and had a serious emotional event happen in their life. There was no hint of anger issues in your description, so I see no reason to judge him on what he's told you and what you've observed of him.

Answer 6

He doesn't sound like a walking time bomb to me. Sounds like he made a mistake, someone else paid the price, but it was a mistake. He's gone on with his life and is doing the best he can. We've all made mistakes where someone else paid some kind of price. His is just a little more extreem. I wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 7

well, based on what you said about him, it seems like he's trying to put his life back together. it definitely took a lot of courage to tell you the truth. do you feel like he's a walking time bomb? you really have to listen to your gut on this one. when i met my husband, i knew i wanted to be with him no matter what. it was very hard in the beginning, but we have a wonderful relationship now because of it. all the outward signs in the beginning were bad, but i followed my heart and am very happy now because of it.

Answer 8

Sounds like he made a mistake and is trying to do better with his life. I say give him a chance. I would hope if I had a similar situation others would do that for me.

Answer 9

you have to give him a chance, it is something that happened eight years ago. he has to wake up and every day and face the consequences of what he has done, he should not have to be punished for something that he has already being punished for and something that he will never leave behind him.

Answer 10

I would trust myself you need to follow your heart in this case. I do believe that people can change though and he has done everything in his power to prove and do that for you!