Please help...total shock and confusion. Please.?

Question

I dont know if this is even the appropriate forum to ask this in....

Last night I tried calling my fiance. Couldnt reach him for a few hours. It was an emergency so I needed to reach him asap. I knew he would prob be at the coffee shop studying so I drove to the coffee shop and thought I would catch him there. No big deal.

When I pull into the parking lot and as im walking past a restaraunt right beside the coffee shop I see him sitting there having dinner with a woman.

So I walk in and confront him. Maybe I should have trusted him and not said anything and waited. But I couldnt help it.

Come to find out he met a bunch of people from work because they just closed a big deal and they were all having dinner and they ended up being the last two to leave. This girl was his intern. I am completely humiliated.

What would you women do? Would you believe him if hes never given you a reason to not trust before? I am so confused and hurt. I dont know what to think.

I forgot to mention. His intern is married. He didnt get defensive or anything. He asked me if he could come stay with me and I ended up staying at his house. He told me he understood and loved me and didnt want anyone else.
I dont mean to make him sound like a dog. Just want some sincere advice

And when I walked up to the table he greeted me by "Hi Hunny" and introduced me.

Answer 1

It's understandable... there's so much cheating going on within relationships these days that it's hard to know for sure who you really can trust.
If he's never given you reason not to trust him before... if he's a trustworthy person, give him the benefit of the doubt & trust that he's telling the truth about the incident.
To help him understand your position... tell him to put himself in your place>>> what would he honestly think if he called you for 3 hours, couldn't reach you & found you alone with another man?
He may say that he wouldn't have reacted the way you did, but he's only human... & he could've made the same assumption... he's not above having doubts concerning you being alone with another guy.

Answer 2

Why couldn't he call you and tell you? That's not overreacting. He couldn't even give you a courtesy phone call and let you know. Another thing, did you check out the scenery? He told you it was a bunch of coworkers, right? Was the table big enough for more than 2 people? Did it look as if there were other people there? When you got there, did they just start eating? And if they were out celebrating, then why was it just the two of them? What happened to everybodyelse?

On the other hand, if your fiance were to cheat on you, would he take his intern to a place where you will be able to find him or spot him. I don't think so.

What was her reaction? Did she seem shock? Did he introduce you as his fiance? What were they doing when you showed up? Were they all over each other? These are all things you need to take into consideration.

You are not wrong. I think any woman would do the same especially if they weren't advised of this dinner. I know he was probably busy, but he still could've called you or at least, picked up your calls.

Answer 3

Was he sitting at a big table that would seat alot of people? If it was a table for two I would be a little more leary. However, if he has never done anything before not to trust him then I would believe him. He will be in situations sometimes when he will be talking to a girls (and now especially if that is his intern) and you can't assume the worst every time. Say your sorry, you were just needing him and got caught up in the emergency and that your emotions were all over the place. Don't start accusing him of wrong-doings until he gives you a reason too. Maybe he should get a cell phone so you can contact him easier.

Answer 4

You love him. Tell him how hurt and angry and bewildered you felt. Make it a rule to let each other know in future when you are having dinner with workmates.

It's not okay for him to stay behind with her, whoever she is, without you knowing, however, but don't go batty over it just yet. Tell him how you felt. You sound like you have some issues with trust wich have nothing to do with him and I'd encourage you to talk to him about what makes you tick when it comes to trust. Setting a rule to tell each other before or during (cellphones have a use after all) is not about policing, it is about building a firm foundation of trust so that you know when you say something, you mean it.

I would believe him, because I think you are dealing with trust issues from the past. It's just a gut thing from the way you put your question. ALso, weddings are huge deals and marriage is a huge step and people do get ultra careful and ultra sensitive - especially us girls. It's okay to feel bewildered and totally freaked out. Now go put the kettle on, have a cup of tea, sit down and remind yourself of why you are marrying him. If you can't remember, well, then it's time to have a different kind of conversation, but it sounds like you just got sudden cold feet and had a huge fright and just over-reacted. Talk to him calmly and sweetly, and if he loves you (I think he does) then he will reassure you and you will be okay - but remember the rule, see?..

Answer 5

ok im a guy. and i can tell u that almost 60% of the times we are lying. If ur bf has not given u reasons to doubt him earlier, it might simply mean that he was not caught. Also it does not mean that u break off wit him based on this one instance, but u need to be on ur guard. Let no one take u for granted and play around with u. check his phone, try to talk to him wen he says is out for too long and does not want u to call. basically dont end up being a fool. Hoping all ends well for u guys. cheers

Answer 6

Depends if they were they at a large table with dirty dishes left from the other diners, or a cozy table for two. Given that he was legitimately on business and you not knowing, I would've done the same thing. Thankfully, since you didn't know she was his intern, I assume you won't be seeing much of her. As far as him, you two will be laughing about it one day very soon. I'm sure the frustration of not being able to get ahold of him made you more edgy. Just apologize to him and let him know you do trust him.

Answer 7

Wow, this is a tough one. If you have a nagging feeling that he is lying, then he most likely is. Us girls have very good intuition about these kinds of things. I'd say it was normal for you to react the way you did. He could have called you and let you know what he was doing and with whom. The fact that he didn't answer his cell for you is not a good sign. Just do some detective work. You know, check the cell phone, text messages, emails if possible. I don't care who says that's an invasion of privacy. If you have suspiciouns that your fiance is cheating, you should know for certain before getting married and committing your life to him. Good luck hon and I hope he is being faithful:)

Answer 8

OK for a start i think you had a right to question him , also i wonder why him and this women were alone as if it was a work dinner wouldn't you leave as a group, why stay and chat when you have a partner at home, this seems a bit weird to me, i think you should ask why he was still there with her when everyone else had left!

Answer 9

This could really go either way, he is lying to cover his *** or he is telling the truth. Trust your feelings on this one. It sounds legit. So give him the benefit of the doubt, but if it happens again. Then I'd be a little suspicious. Especially if it is the same woman. Good Luck hun!

Answer 10

I think you should trust him.

Had I been in your shoes, I would have just walked up to him and said hello. Since you don't know the girl, he would/should have introduced you.

You can't just jump to conclusions because you see him talking with another girl. Give him the benefit of the doubt.