Trust ISSUE...?
so my boyfriend and i have had a rocky past... more so for me than for him. 2 years ago we had some "complications" and since then i've had some what of a trust barrier. nothing has happened in the two years since, and i have forgiven him, but i have not forgotten. now we have TRUST ISSUES. is it my fault that i have a problem trusting him completely, or should he accept that what he did had consequences, and realize that it's going to be a little more difficult to earn all of my trust back?
2006-11-07 02:31:49 · 12 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm not saying that I haven't done anything wrong... but not to the degree that he has. I have not broken his heart, I have never given him a reason to fear losing me! Coming from him... what I do wrong is basically (from my veiw of what he tells me) care too much.
2006-11-07 03:02:01 · update #1
He needs to realize that he broke your trust and now has to earn it back. Do not feel forced into trusting him again. Take it at your own pace. Good Luck!
2006-11-07 02:34:26 · answer #1 · answered by Lt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A vase that is broken can be glued together. Some people will look at it and say, "WoW' it's really still beautiful. Others will say ; 'Throw the thing away, I can still see the cracks."
It sounds like he's trying to focus on the beauty and as much as you want to, you just can't get by those cracks..
If you want a future, you'll need to choose to TRUST him completely again, and he will have to choose to REASSURE you as many times as it takes to show you the beauty of that vase yet again. Till you both believe in the integrity of that vase, no amount of pretty flowers is going to light up your home.
THe thing about forgiving is yes, you have to retain the lesson. If you cannot look past the lesson, though, you will miss the love. It's a choice. May I suggest sit him down. tell him it really still hurts and is still a little raw, and yes, you have trust issues because of that, and then choose together to work on the beauty or focus on those cracks. It is possible to move forward after breach of trust, but you both have to believe in a future together enought to want to smell the flowers.
Good luck. Hope it makes sense to you.
2006-11-07 10:39:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sugar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well............. once you have a big issue argument with eachother, there would be a barrier for ever, It happened to me, not for trust. but about money. listen. any sensitive issue in our life, can affect us for the rest of our lives. you would maybe forgive him today but next month, or next year. it might happen again. and he applogize.. bla bla. its over. love spark has gone, even you might both miss it. u miss being happy again. but everytime u happy, you quickly get that feeling and memory comes back reminding you how horrible its been between you.. and ur heart breaks again.
whatever breaks, never can never be put back together again. it would stay forever weak and breakable.
Its better to move on, I know its hard or nearly impossible. but belive me. thats better for you and him. Explain to him the situation and say good bye. break your heart after 2 years better than 10 or more years. find someone else. you can love again.. and next time.watch out and learn from any mistakes.
good luck
2006-11-07 10:38:31 · answer #3 · answered by Maria 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's fine that you still have trust issues... what may not be fine is if he's been honest for 2 years then you're going to have to find a way to let it go.
You have to forgive and go on or get some therapy to find out why you can't.
Forgive does not mean it was OK or that you'll ever forget.
2006-11-07 10:36:15 · answer #4 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've got the right idea. He needs to realize that from now on, things are going to be a little different. You have every right to still hold on to that uncertainty. Let him know he's just gonna have to earn your trust back.
2006-11-07 10:34:32 · answer #5 · answered by edu_jr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes work on both of your parts. He can't demand 100% trust when he's already broken that trust BUT you do have to get over it, especially since he's been a good boy for so long.
2006-11-07 10:34:25 · answer #6 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He should realize he will have to earn your trust back, but if you forgave him thats on you. why be with someone if you cant trust him. Jealousy can ruin a relationship and thats not fair to him especially if he trusts you. Explain to him how you feel honesty is main ingredient in having a relationship with anyone. good luck
2006-11-07 10:36:32 · answer #7 · answered by lilmomma91206 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if u truly want to forgive u must let it go! if u insist on REMEMBERING his faults and not moving on u will stay right where u are... if he has not done anything questionable since i think ur being anal. I guess u NEVER did anything wrong?? or is it that u haven't been caught yet? Ur morals should allow for some forgiveness and caompassion if u truly love him...
2006-11-07 10:42:35 · answer #8 · answered by ~Niecee~ âË» âË» ♂ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me - if after two years the trust hasn't come back then it's never going to come back and that is going to drain you emotionally and ruin the relationship. You deserve to be with someone you trust and he deserve to be with someone who trusts him even if he did screw up a few years back.
2006-11-07 10:42:12 · answer #9 · answered by eightieschic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I so agree with you, he does have to earn it back, and own up to his mistakes, and take the consequences, theres always a consequence for every negative thing you do!
2006-11-07 10:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by Sassy H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋