How can I get my 8 and 4 year old to stop fighting with each other?

Question

No matter what I do they will not stop bickering and fighting, my 8 year old tries to do things that don't look like she is being mean, and my four year always wants her own way. I am seriously at my wits end with them any ideas? Also do your children fight alot? Please tell me its normal to feel so stressed out over this. Any idea would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance

Answer 1

If there's an answer for this, I'd like to know also! I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old and they are constantly fighting. I really think its the age. And eventually they should grow out of it. I get very stressed out about it too. They are constantly at each other, always pushing each other to the limit. I try to find ideas of things they HAVE to do together. Agreeing on the same movie, same activities. And if they can't agree then they can't do them. Most of the time this works, but it takes a lot of paitence on our part! Eventually as they grow older, and more involved in their own things they won't be fighting so much. Try a dance class they can do together, or something along that lines. Good luck

Answer 2

I have three that fight; they are twins almost 5 and an almost 3 year old. When they fight I deal with it according to what they are fighting about. If it's a toy I take the toy away and no one gets it. If it's just being mean to each other, I make them hug and say sorry then hold hands until they can get along. If it is a really bad day and they just won't stop, I make them lay down in separate rooms with no TV for at least 30 minutes. If this still doesn't work, I start giving them chores to do so they stay busy and away from each other. A lot of times mine fight because they are tired or hungry so maybe make sure this isn't the cause for yours too.

Answer 3

My brothers (7 and 10) have been fighting all the time for at least three years. It's normal. My mom has tried everything and they still do it. The pattern: younger one starts it. They start bugging the older kid because they want attention and they don't know any better of just can't really control themselves. They just get carried away. Then the older one reacts. Then the younger one cries. Then it starts again.
But don't worry, with my brothers it improved massively. They are both so much better now and there is so much less crying, it's great.
By all means try to teach them that fighting is wrong, but as long as they only do it with each other and nobody is getting seriously hurt, expect it to keep going and let it. They'll grow out of it.

Answer 4

Mine are 13, 10, 8, 3 and 1 and somehow they always find something to fight about or disagree on. Honestly what can a 13 year old and a 3 year old fight about???? They do though. Sibling rivalry is normal, I know that. I also know that it's a disservice for me to get involved. No matter what I say or do it will be unfair to someone, picking sides etc. I got advice about 3 years ago that was to not get involved and ignore it (unless of course someone is hurt) and that has saved me a lot of stress. I hear it, I listen and I wait...but most of the time it resolves itself and I didn't have to yell, or get involved.
It's normal to feel the way you do. Who wouldn't? Just know that you're not alone and we all go through it to some extent. Let the girls pick their battles and work it out on their own. They will, as soon as they realize calling for Mommy isn't going to help. ;)

Answer 5

Can't keep them away from each other in school- but then, they won't (problably) be having sex at school. After school and the internet is the issue. Since she has disobeyed and had secret contact on the internet with a boy who wants sex (try to get over the urge to kill him), then I would make the internet off limits (you can make it so she needs a password for the account or she can only use it during certain hours when you are home and the computer is in the same room you are). Obviously, you'll have to monitor where she goes, with whom, and check that she's really there. Life will suck, she will hate you, but someday she will appreciate it! I'm a mom who has been there, done that, and have great relationships with my kids now. At one time, I took a chain saw to one of my sons bedroom door- he smarted off and locked it- he never did that again! Mama don't play! Reading the responses- maybe I'm old fashioned but since when do the kids make the rules and decide what they will do? And since when is it OK for kids to do the wrong thing because "you can't stop them"? I'm a single mom- and I bet that my one son (who's a cop) will arrest kids whose parents think like that, my other son will book them and my daughter in law will be their probation officer. Thay now totally agree with how I raised them- and I was NOT their friend- I was their mentor, their councelor and the LAW- they had lots of friends- they only had one mother.

Answer 6

It is very normal, when you need a break ask someone to watch them, I understand sometimes, all you need is an hour or even ten minutes to yourself to soak everything in, I am the only girl in the family, I have 4 boys. That encloses my husband, and it is very hard. My boys are are all toddlers and I try to picture what it will be like 5 years from now and sometime i think how scary it may be. But then I think about all the things that will be great.

Answer 7

I have the same problem. My kids are 4 & 7. I try hard to keep them busy. If all else fails I put them in there seperate rooms so the fighting will stop. I tell them no playing again until they say they are sorry. I just keep doing this and it seems to work. I hear them talking to each other saying lets not fight or mom will put us in our rooms. I understand you getting stressed out about it. Just tell your kids how it is going to be and they will have to listen to you or they will face the punishment. Good Luck!

Answer 8

My children fight, but it seems they fight less than my niece and nephew. We have a color system in the house even though they are 11, 7 and 7. We have faces cut out of green, yellow, and red paper. If they misbehave, they drop their clip. The clip is just a clothespin with their name written on it. At the end of the day, they write their color on a calendar. (They each have one). At the end of the month, their allowance is based not only on their chores, but their behavior as well. It seems to work and if they ever hit, which is really rare, they go from green straight to red. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Yep it is normal. I have a 13 and 11 year old and they fight all the time. The only time they don't fight is when they are asleep in their own beds and when one is away at grandma's house.
I get along fine with them individually but when they are together it is WWIII. I just hope and pray my husband doesn't get in to it with them. I have to give everyone a time out before I kill them.... So yes you are normal.
Good luck. You will need it.

Answer 10

I have a 6 y/o and 3 y/o. I let them fight as long as they're not being unsafe. i try to pick my own "battles" with those 2.
When I was growing up my stepmother would make her daughters stand nose to nose without touching, you tend to get sick of seeing eachother. Also when my younger sister and I were teenagers; my stepmother would call a family meeting and make my sister and I beat the crap out of each other in front of everyone!!!