One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" !
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
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What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A Rumor
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
2006-11-07 01:32:52 · 34 answers · asked by chantelle d 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
stunning collection.. allow me to add a few for ya
1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
2. Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a sl*t.
3. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
4. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.
5. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
6. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.
7. Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
8. Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
9. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
10. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A widow
2006-11-07 19:21:00 · answer #1 · answered by miz Destiny 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good - really liked the one about swapping positions lmao
2006-11-07 03:58:03 · answer #2 · answered by PAUL H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll be smileing from here to sunday! They are very funny indeed!!! Your definatly a genious!
2006-11-07 04:22:07 · answer #3 · answered by roooof 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Those jokes were great! Thank You for the Laugh!
2006-11-07 02:32:30 · answer #4 · answered by Gigi 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
LOL. Yes, indeed! LOL.
These are oldies, but goodies. I love'em.
Thanks for the laughs.
2006-11-08 08:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by jfmm 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an amazing collection!will have to remember them, i don't know nearly enough slagging off men jokes!!!
2006-11-07 01:40:01 · answer #6 · answered by stevethekangaroo 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
OK so where did you hide the mike, seriously though - very good if somewhat hurtful!
2006-11-07 01:41:10 · answer #7 · answered by billtheangler 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I called my (now ex) husband "thrombosis"
- because he was a bloody clot!
When I was being nice to him I called him "treasure" -
because strangers used to ask "Where did you dig him up from?"
2006-11-07 01:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by A Teesside Smart**** 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
lol i woke up in such a bad mood 30 minutes ago but this made my morning lol and they're very true....
2006-11-07 01:42:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
hehe so true.. loved the one in the garden for money.. sure thats what my neighbouirs would think too haha
2006-11-07 01:42:44 · answer #10 · answered by missnikid 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋