How do i say no without hurting her feelings?

Question

I have been pressured massively into allowing my boyfriends mother be at the birth of my first unborn child. However this isnt what i want and really do not want her there but am scared to say. How do i tell her without making a fuss?

you should also know that this woman is very rude to me, she tries to bully me and she knows i am vunerable and that she can scare me into things easily

Answer 1

Let her know the doctor said there needs to be as few people in the room as possible, or that there is only one or two people allowed, and it should be the father of the baby and YOUR mother.

Answer 2

I guess I am curious why you don't want her there?

Trust me when I tell you that you are not going to care if the entire U.S. Army is in that room when it is time to deliver your baby.

I understand that it is a very private thing and the idea of her being able to see you exposed to the world is anything but a comfortable thought, however, is it worth the uncomfortable feeling you will be creating by telling her you don't want her there??

Try to think of it as an honor! You are giving birth to her grandchild and she wants to be part of that! You will be allowing her to create a bond with your child which is and will always be very special! It will not take anything away from your experience! You will still bond with your child in the same way, and you will still be Mommy!!!!

I'm not trying to convince you to change your mind, just maybe look at it in a different way! She may be able to help you through it more than you think. And, you may even feel closer to her when it is all said and done!

Life is about sacrifice! You are about to become a mommy and you will discover a whole new meaning to the word sacrifice very shortly! Maybe this could be where you start!

Very best of luck to you and your new baby!

Answer 3

This is a wonderful and exciting time for YOU as the mother and your boyfriend as the father. Even if u wanted your OWN mom there- this is YOUR DAY! I would politelye just tell her: I love u and think the world of you- but this is my first child and I want to share the full experience with my babys father. I hope u will understand! Let her know she will have alllll the time in the world to spoil her new grand child! Let her be a part of it once the baby is here- ask her advice every so often and so on. But just be honest with her and let her know its not because u dont like her or want her in the babys life but its just because you want him by your side not her. Assure her like I said that she will have many many many days of baby sitting ahead of her! Congradulations and good luck!

Answer 4

Oh sweetie, do I understand this! When my son was born, I had not only my (ex-now) husband's mother, father, and sister in the delivery suite, but several of their "family friends" as well. I hardly knew any of these people; and there I am, stuff out for all the world to see. I would've been okay if they had visited after the fact, but no. Please, for your own peace of mind, say NO now. I expected my husband to control these people, and it didn't happen. The birth of your baby should be a wonderful experience for you, your boyfriend, and your baby. Please talk to him now and don't allow anyone to put you through what I went through. If all else fails, inform the hospital staff that she's not allowed in the room. I wish you the best and congratulations on your new baby.

Answer 5

Instead of telling her, just ASK her nicely if she wouldn't mind letting that moment be private just between your boyfriend and you because you are uncomfortable knowing that she will be viewing you in such a vulnerable and personal moment. If she says she wants to be there anyway, she is rude and not keeping your best interest at heart and then you have the right to TELL her NO!

Labor is an intense experience and you and you alone have the right to decide who should be in the room.

Answer 6

Just say no and mean it...your boyfriend should start putting you first with this impending birth, his mother should take a back seat and she'll just have to understand this. Surely she will settle for being at the hospital while you give birth and can then see the child after it is born? Best of luck with the labour...ouchy ouchy.

Answer 7

i have got the trick for you we had to do the same thing not with a mom but an ant so what we found out was the doc. makes all the rules ! and he can do what ever he wants.

so tell him what is going on and how you feel and that you just are not willing to have her there and make him the bad guy he can say that there can only be 2 people in the room your mom and your hubby. that way way there is not fuss ! congrats !
~¿Ô

Answer 8

why should you be scared! just tell her that you dont want that, you must be as relaxed and comfortable as possible during birth and having that stressing you out wont help. it is the birth of your child and it should be exactly how you want it, just tell her the truth about how you feel about it, it is a very special moment for mother and baby, dont be pressurised into agreeing with something that may spoil it for you. good luck to and your little bundle x

Answer 9

Just tell her the truth,it's totally up to you who you want to be there when you give birth and people shouldn't be putting pressure on you. Good luck with the new baby x

Answer 10

you need to talk to your mate. tell him that you want the two of you to share in this moment not anyone else. also tell him that you don't feel comfortable having his mother looking at you while you are in a vulnerable state such as this. ask him to tell his mother that the two of you have decided that know one is going to be the room with you. she will have no choice but to except this. also if you have to, and it comes right down to it, you are the one that decide who will be in the room, your the patient.