Single mothers: whats the father been like?

Question

I would love to hear your experiences of us blokes, good or bad. Did you see much of him, was he helpfull, did he make things difficult?

I have a pregnant ex-girlfriend giving birth soon, unlike an awfull lot of single fathers I want the best for both of them.

Whats it like being a single mum and what would be the ideal way you would like the father to be like?

Answer 1

My mom's a single mom. We made out just fine. My father was there when i needed him most of the time. He wasn't at graduations or anything like that. But he took me to my first job interview when my mom couldn't. We talk. he lives in the us and he sends me stuff every now and again so i guess it wasn't that bad.

Answer 2

The Father Of Three Of My Kids Is GREAt And I Love Him To Death He Os Absolutley Perfect. He even Claims My Baby Which Is Not His!!!

My Ex Husband However The Father Of My Baby....Is...Um...Nowhere To Be Found To Put It Nicely. My Baby Had Problems, Had To Have Surgery, His Dad Saw Him the Day He Was Born, The day He Had Surgery And Two Other Times In The Hospital. He Watched Him One Time After He Was Released And Ended Up Sending Him Back To The Hospital For The Flu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hasn't seen Him Since Which Has Almost Been A Year.

Honestly What I Wish For Him Is Just To Be There For His Son. Financially Would Be Nice But I Am Not Asking That, But NO, He's Still Not Ready, But Will Be "Soon".

Answer 3

I have two daughter both have different fathers and both relationships ended when pregnant. Father 1 was not part of daughters life until she was about six. He now has 4 more children and has grown up a lot he blames me for not allowing him to be at the birth as the reason he never bonded with her. So I would recommend you be at the birth if you can be. father1 now pays a little toward her up bringing and sees her once every two months or so. It has been hard because I once loved him very much and his rejection of our child I still dont understand. Father 2 was there at birth and regularly paid ten pounds a week and had her at his one weekend a month until last christmas. Daughter 2 knows her father and step mum and half bro/sis well but resently told me she didnt want to see him anymore because he is always in the pub. What a dilemma! I want her to see her dad because I believe it vital she knows her family in the mean time I want to protect her and respect her wishes (6yrs old).
You sound like a mature man who will be a loving father. My advice would be after the birth be there at least three times a week for a couple of hours, take baby out at weekend for few hours. When baby a bit older offer to have over night, buy essentials for baby and mother you might not be together any more but little gestures show you care. Work hard at being friends.
I am married now and preg with third child and my husband is fab with the girls they have a wonderful dad in him, they both can talk openly about their bio dads. Any man can be a father it takes a true man to be a daddy!!!! good luck

Answer 4

Well, my ex husband disappeared off the face of the planet 3 years ago. Being a single mom is a fantastic experience for me. I love my Son more than anything in this world.

The difficult part is trying to explain to my Son why he doesn't have a father... I have never said anything bad about his Daddy in front of him, even though he is NOT a good person.

I pray every day I find a nice man to love the both of us.. until then????

I am glad to hear a father wanting to be involved. I really hope your ex realizes what she has.. there are so many of us that would love to be in that position right now!

Answer 5

im a single mother of 2 1/2 year old twins, there father and i had been in a good strong relationship, and he was the person who instigated the discussion of having children, but as the pregnancy progressed the more he shut down, when they were born, he done nothing, didnt help in any way shape or form, cheated, and the final straw he came home from work, im cooking, holding one screaming baby, with another one screaming and i asked him to pick her up .... he asked why!!! that cemented it for me, they were a mth old. Since then sometimes he sees them, sometimes he doesnt, he took no interest until they were walking and talking, now he might see them twice a month for a month and then nothing for months, he supports them when he feels like it and has money left from the pub.

I would say as a single parent, you learn to adjust and do things so you can cope, but i would say support is invaluable, if you want to support them, be there for your child and i mean set something regular so your child growns up knowing what day and time they see daddy, then everyone is clear and there is no confusion ... stick to it, never defer from it, this is your child and should come before everything!! with regards to your ex, offer her support, offer to take the baby so she can sleep or go to the hairdressers, or even a bath. and as the baby gets older offer to babysit so she can get out once in a while. try and get on with each other as it makes things easier, and just be there so she feels she can come to you for help.

Answer 6

I'm not a single mom, but I do have a 3 1/2 month old baby. I can tell you that even though I am lucky enough to have a wonderful, supporting and involved husband, that it is still extremely difficult. I can't count how many times I have said "I don't know how single moms do it!" I truly have a lot of respect for these women!

I think it's wonderful that you want the best for your baby as well as your ex-girlfriend. Just remember that it is equally important to be there financially as well as physically and emotionally. Go to doctor's appointments, let your ex have some time to herself when she's ready, ask her frequently if she needs help with anything at all, and make sure you spend lots of time with your new baby.

My mom and dad got divorced when I was very young and although my dad always paid child support, he was an alcoholic and didn't have a lot to do with me. Now that he no longer drinks, he wants a relationship with me and I don't really care to have one with him. I don't hate him or anything, but I really just don't feel anything for him at all.

Also, I always hate it when men say that they have to "babysit" their children. It's not babysitting when it's your own child.

Answer 7

I had a little girl when I was only 17 I realized I needed to grow up and take repsonsibility and he didnt want to so I ditched him..I went thru my whole pregnancy without him and became very close to my own mother who helped me out alot. Only two months after having my daughter I was outside talking to some of our neighbors..I live in an apartment complex...and I met a really nice guy who had a 2 yr old son..we hit it off well and now lets just say we are engaged and expecting a baby together and he is great. he massages my feet helps clean up around the house and doesnt mind helping take care of my daughter. As for her sperm donor as I call him..he never comes by..he never calls..he has bought her one thing and that was a basket on valentines day with candy and teddy bears..she was only 3 months old...like she can really eat candy..his mother called the hospital before I even had the baby and told them I was a drug addict and they had CPS there giving my baby a drug test...before they let me see her...Which just pissed me off more because the reason I quit doing drugs was because I found out I was pregnant. She came to visit a few times and only once did she bring a stupid outfit that said "daddys little girl" on it..I burnt it by the way...they have never offered to by her diapers wipes anything..so now I have nothing to do with them..they dont know where I live or my phone number..thank god..I am happy with my new husband to be and would rather them stay out of our lives..Maybe things would have been diff. if he would have actually tried. The best thing you can do is buy neccesitys, things the baby will need, and if you two go to court and you get visitation rights make sure not to send him or her home in anything that has to do with daddy..while your at home its fine but believe me after she has the baby she will probably feel lost and hurt and it will take alot of time for her to accept everything thats going on.

Answer 8

If you want to be there - that is great. Just remember, things are going to get tough, you are going to get tired, money might run thin. And it isn't just here and there, you are making a commitment to her, and your child. When I was pregnant, my son's father said he would be there - no matter what. That he wanted to help raise our child together. My son will be 3 in 2 weeks, and hasn't seen his father once. Either way, I think that is the best thing his father could have done for him - but that is just because of who his father is, what kind of person he is. I would rather him not be around ever, than to be there, and walk out. Or show up here and there- I don't want that. Good luck, and congrats on your little one. Think of what kind of father you want your son to see. Then shoot for that. Good luck.

Answer 9

i was a single mum (im now in a new relationationship and we hae a new baby)firstly well done for supporting your ex,you are one in a million,my daughters father lives in essex and we live in eastbourne,she only sees him two weeks of the year because he says we live to far away,also ( she is 8 now),he has never paid for her upkeep,even though we went through the csa,he treats her like a trophy.
Thankfully my new partner and soon to be husband dotes on my daughter and loves her as much as i do.
my advice is keep suporting your ex and baby,do whatever you can for them,what ever you do be there for your baby,a long way off from now but go to the parents evenings and plays he or she maybe in,my ex has never seen her in a show or asks how she is doing at school.I hope you can both stay good friends for the babys sake and brinh him or her up knowing you both love him or her,please fell free to e-mail and i can advise,as i have been there myself,good luck and well done im impressed.

Answer 10

Hi am single mum to a 3yr old. Her father left me for somebody else when I was 3 months pregnant because we argued and couldn't afford a baby!! Then took me to caught to force me to sell our house!
Been living with my parents ever since and he has never once contacted me or asked about her.
I told him when she was born etc and all he said was he wouldn't put hes name on her birth certificate and wanted a partenity test. we had and he's her dad but he still has contacted be or given me a penny.
Best advise to you is always support your ex, stay friends and let her know you wanna be involved. As your child gets older you can help look after it and be a good dad. All kids need dads, even mine! She keeps asking me when he's coming home!!
You need to remember that your ex may start another relationship but don't let that interfere with you being a good dad!
It takes a lot more than sperm to be a dad!!
Good luck!

Answer 11

Well my daughter father wasn't around at all. He didn't meet her until she was 3 and only saw her three times then took off again.

Its great you want to be there even tho you and the mother aren't together. The best thing to do is just be supportive, make sure she feels like she can count on you. And when the baby is born just be there. Buy diapers...change diapers for that matter lol. Don't say you'll be there and put them off, your child should come first.