I was dating this man and got pregnant. he told me he did not want the baby but would support whatever I decided. He was good for about a month and then he started acting like ajerk, never coming to any appointments even when there was a fear that the unborn child had a heart defect. He refused to work and I gave him alot of money in an effort to help him. Throuhout my pregnancy he stressed me out, treated me badly and wasn't there for me so in my 5th or 6th month I eneded it. When I was 8 mths he confessed to me that he really lives with another woman and had been lying to me the entire time we had known each other (we haven't spoke since then.) He has several children, none of which he supports financially, and my baby makes number 6. My baby is now 3 months old and this man is contacting me via email & stating that he needs to talk to me. He hasnt provided one cent of support for the baby. i dont know what to do. i've given him millions of chances & he always screws it up.
2006-11-07 00:17:02 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Get an attorney. If you cannot afford one, go to Legal Aid. You are entitled to child support. He can go to jail if he doesn't follow through. It doesn't matter what his other obligations are, or whether or not he meets them; you are entitle to support for your baby. E-mail him back, tell him that you will talk with him after he pays support, and if he doesn't follow through, take him to court. He may need a jail term to help him see the light. Let your attorney help you decide about visitation. Wishing you the very best luck with all this....
2006-11-07 00:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by Sher 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't deserve to see 'his' child. That baby is so much better without him. I went through the same thing when I was pregnant - and he said the same things. He has never seen my son. He still calls or emails here and there, but that's it. I finally got a child support order in place, and I get it here and there - not much. I don't know about any other kids he might have, I do know that when I was 7 months pregnant, that another girl was pregnant by him, too. Therefore, now my son and her daughter are 3 weeks apart...I wouldn't let him. And be CAREFUL. He might pull the 'if you give me the babys SSN I will be able to get more - we can split it.' Don't give that number away. He can use that number and ruin the baby's future so bad. My son's father tried it on me, it sounded so good - 3grand more! But I didn't do it, I got nervous, and was glad I didn't do it. Good luck on everything.
2006-11-07 03:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by Kate 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he wants to be in the childs life then yeah you should let him see the baby.I understand he treated you badly and he sounds like a deadbeat.But this is no longer about you and him.It is completely about your child. I grew up without a father.I am 27 and never even seen what my father looks like.When a child grows up not knowing their history from both sides it can make him feel like half a person.It's not a good feeling. When your child gets older at least give him the option of seeing his father if you don't feel comfortable with it now.I wish I had been given that option. And don't bad mouth the guy around your child because always remember he's half and your half of the child.bad mouthing him can make the child feel awful because no matter how bad a person the daddy is he's still your baby's daddy.
2006-11-07 02:06:43 · answer #3 · answered by l.clark79 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For the sake of yourself as well as your baby...don't give him another chance to do this!!! Ignore his e-mail. Better yet...block all e-mail and offline messages from him. Regardless of what he wants to "talk to you about"...it won't be about paying child support or being an involved parent. Look at his history, and the fact that he has 5 other children he doesn't support. You have made it this far without his support (financially and emotionally) so get on with your life and give yourself a chance to meet someone who will truly care. AND DON'T give him more money!!! You need this money for YOUR baby
2006-11-07 00:53:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar situation, not quite as bad, but somewhat close....
The problem you're facing right now is this.....Your child doesn't know this man, and will not miss him until he discovers what a "father" is. Additionally, if you allow him into the child's life, and he later skips out, what effect will that have?
If your child finds out, when he/she is older, that it was you who made the decision to deny him his father, and not his actual father, then it is you that will recieve his anger, even if you are acting in his best interests.
This is a tough lesson that too many children have to learn. Let the man see the child. If he turns out to be a good dad, Fine. If he gets the child knowing and expecting to see him, and then skips out, comfort your baby the best you can and explain that you still love him, and don't know why his daddy isn't there.
Do NOT speak ill of the father in front of the child, even now at such a young age. Do NOT tell the child his daddy isn't there because he doesn't love him. Be a good mom and let your child discover what kind of man his biological father is for himself.
The best answer I have heard from a mother, when a child asked why his dad didn't care for him was this...."Your father has some things he needs to work out right now, as a man, and when he's done with that, you can ask him yourself why he made the choices he did."
Also, don't hinge him seeing the child on financial support. Visitation and Child Support are two DIFFERENT ISSUES!!! Get involved with a child support agency to get your monetary support, and if you need to, go to court with a lawyer to set up appropriate visitation if the two of you cannot agree outside of court. But don't tell the man he has to pay you money to see his child.
2006-11-07 00:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Can you support the child completely on your own? If so, I would not reply to any of his attempts at communication. He can not take care of the children he has. He lied to you the entire time you were together. Consider him a sperm donor and move on. A man should only have rights if he can be a father. He doesn't sound capable of this. Just be prepared to live with your decision and don't feel guily about his feelings. After all, how has he treated the baby?
2006-11-07 01:31:13 · answer #6 · answered by luvbuggies 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Take him to court and have him pay child support. As to whether or not he should see the child, i think he should. I say this because if you are taking him to court for child support, the judge will ask if has been visiting the child. So you want to look like the good guy.
Even if he sees him once then that is okay, just do not look for any miracle where he is concerned.
2006-11-07 00:29:43 · answer #7 · answered by Osunwole Adeoyin 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
do not let him see his child! he is a worthless, deadbeat daddy & if you have givvin him so many chances & he hasn't done anything in return then that is his fault he made the mistake for not bein there when you needed him the most so why should he get the pleasure of bein there now. I hope you & your baby the best of luck.
2006-11-07 00:55:46 · answer #8 · answered by Rebecca F 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this guy can't take care of his other 5 children, what makes you think he is going to take care of #6. Change your phone no. If his name is on the birth certificate then drag his butt to court, and get child support. Let the court be the judge. Good luck.
2006-11-07 00:24:14 · answer #9 · answered by kathleen c 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should go to your state and ask for help in establishing paternity and to start support. Although my oldest sons dad is a jerk and is $30,000 behind in support, I never deny him from seeing my son. I do it for my kid and he should know his father and make his own judgements about his dad as he grows up. Unless your ex is an abuser or violent person, I think you should let your child know his/her dad. You don't have to have a relationship with your ex, but respect the relationship of father and child even if you don't like it. lol..I could go on and on...anyway...good luck to you
2006-11-07 00:30:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋