My husband wont help me around the house even though he is home all day. How do I make him help me?

Question

I will admit that my husband was not the most help around the house before, but since he has been on medical leave for wrist surgery, he has just added to the mess instead of helping clean it. I know that he can't do a whole lot of chores with only one hand, but he could put dirty clothes in the washer, put clean ones in the dryer and dry clothes in a basket, so I can fold them later. And he most certainly could pick up the stuff around the living room. He hasn't done anything since this leave started at the end of Sept. He sleeps late everyday and watches hunting shows on TV all day long. I have been expecting him to watch our daughter 3-4 days out of the week, to save on daycare since he is only bringing in a percent of his normal pay, and all he does is complain about what a brat she was all day. Funny how I dont have that problem with her on my days off and neither does her sitter. He just seems to want to treat this as a vacation and do nothing. How do I get him to at least help?

Answer 1

I'm kind of in the same situation. My husband hurt his back at work and isn't working. We have a 7mos daughter and I'm 5wks preg. He stays up late because he was used to working overnight, but I talked to him last night and told him that I need him to keep more "normal" hours. That way, our daughter can get a little more interaction and I asked him if, since he isn't working and I'm working full-time, I would need his help more around the house.
He told me that if I would keep up with the dishes, which I'm really bad at since we moved and don't have a dishwasher anymore, he would do the rest of the house.
I know that it can be very depressing for a man when he doesn't feel like he is "whole" when he can't do the things he normally can. Try to understand his perspective, but also try to work out a deal with him. If he watches your daughter and cleans up after themselves during the day, helps with what he can, you'll do the dishes since he can't etc..., you'll make sure to do what you can in exchange. It's a tough situation, I know. But just because you have this one disagreement, that's no reason to rush to counseling. This isn't a very uncommon situation...trust me just ask around.
Good luck and don't fret. You'll get it figured out~

Answer 2

This is definitely a serious problem if he doesn't want to help and doesn't even want to watch his own daughter. The thing he needs is a rude awakening you need to take charge of the situation and show him you mean business. What I would do is get the cable disconnected since you don't get to watch it all the time and he shouldn't be watching it all the time, and tell him since his pay is less right now you can't afford the added expense because you really don't need TV. As for getting him to clean stop doing things for him only wash your own clothes and your daughters make him do his own, and then tell him that you work still and he has way more time to clean and his not cleaning is very inconsiderate. Tell him if he really loves you than he should be helping you since he can if that doesn't motivate him to clean I would say you married a bad choice. And about not wanting to watch his own daughter I don't think you can change that if he doesn't like to watch kids you should have known that before you had any with him.

Answer 3

You know your husband better than anyone out here in cyberspace, but it seems as though he might be depressed.

He's used to having a job and being the bread winner in the house, and now he's been demoted to this shell of a man, whose recovering from an injury and watching your child. To most men, this is a very immasculating situation, and probably he doesn't feel much like a man.

Try your best to recognize this situation. I still would approach him in a very gingerly manner and politely suggest that he do certain things around the house. We women have the great ability of suggesting things in such a way that a man thinks it's his idea. This is a perfect time to use your gift.

Answer 4

You know something, I hate to say this but what you are describing sounds a lot like me. I feel really bad for it. Our son is 3 and a half and ever sinse he was born my wife has done like 95 percent of everything. True, I was busy with work and college and all that stuff, but even when I was home with nothing to do for extended periods, I selfishly let her do everything. I never helped change his diaper, or feed him, not anything. Maybe just a few times. But in my defense, i was real depressed, too. But I feel real bad. But I've been in Iraq for a year, and am getting ready to come home, and I cant wait to get home and make up for lost time. This will be the first time though that I won't have the burden of of college or work, sinse he was born so we'll see how it goes. I think it will be good. Also, our son screamed.....constantly. I mean not stop. She says he doesnt even do that anymore. I think just a bunch of factors came together to make me act that way. I'm just glad she never left me because of it. I'm not sure what you can say to your husband, to make him help, because I remember when my wife would say to me...."why don't you have any interest in your son's life?" and I would just take that as her wanting to start an argument or something. Its difficult. Just pray he comes around, and he will.

Answer 5

Well I work full time. If I had an injury, I'd want to do nothing to and make my hubby do everything lol But we don't have kids, so different situation. You should stop doing everything. Let the house get really dirty - when he needs something clean and it's not there, he might wake up. lol although I've tried this method, and I always cave in - so be strong honey!

Answer 6

If he wasn't most helpful b4 injury,why would u expect him 2 b helpful?Don't u think u expecting 2much frm a guy who isn't used 2 using his hands? I don't think there's anything u can do to make him do anything, unless he's acting out of depression!

Most of the time men find it difficult 2 come 2 terms with this kind of situation. Try to find out what is eating him and encourage him that u 2 should go to counselling(accompanying him). Try to be more supportive and surely he'll come around! It's a bit tough 4 him seating around the whole day without doing any thing.

Goodluck!!

Answer 7

Girl u need to tell him to stop being lazy and get up and do something before u stop doing all the work. IF he doesnt listen then you need to let him go i dont care he aint doin nothing but sittin around that house looking at the mess you will be cleaning up.

Answer 8

put your foot down! Stop washing his clothes. Tell him if he cant help you around the house more then you're gonna let him wear dirty stuff and live in a pig sty. Try leaving a few days just to see if he will try to do anything to help. He's got a wrist problem he's not paralyzed.

Answer 9

Sit him down and tell him (do not ask, do not plead) that you expect him to do certain things that he is able to do for the family sake and if he does not do them, you will consider that he does not consider himself a member of the family, therefore, you will treat him like an unwanted guest. This means you will not wash his clothes, cook his supper, help him with things he cannot do for himself nor have sex with him. I think about a week of this will convince him that he should help as much as he is able.

Answer 10

Sounds like he may be a little depressed. Have you talked to him about it or just nag. Men do not respond to nagging women. Otherwise I don't know what you can do other than nothing, do what he does and do not wait on him hand and foot. We have a tendency to create our own situations. As for your daughter sounds like he is having a problem being a Dad.