despite the fact he is a good man and has stepped up and filled in where their own father has failed? I am told this resentment is normal...I just would like other opinions
2006-11-06 23:39:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It takes time, I saw some of the other postings where the people says you should have thought about that before remarrying..people are ignorant and you have the right to be happy..as long as your new husband is good to you and your kids, and doesnt try to replace dad, they will come around, like most things in life it just takes time.
2006-11-07 01:30:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It takes a long time and differs on the age of the child, the gender of the child and how good the relationship is with their biological father. Eventually everyone should at least be friendly if not family. My daughter was in 5th grade and my sons in 6th grade, 8th grade and 9th grade when I remarried 12 years ago to someone who didn't have kids. At the time, my kids had a good relationship with their biological dad and were very reluctant to admit anyone new into their lives. It took a really long time for things to be different. It helped that the new guy made me happy and let me parent my way. He didn't try to change things and relied on my "expertise". The boys were the first to come around and it took my daughter much longer. I think maybe because the boys could do guy things with him. As the years have passed, biological dad has become consumed with his new family and step-dad has really taken his place in our family dynamic. All of my kids are close to stepdad now and go to him with questions and concerns. My granddaughter even calls him grandpa : )
2006-11-07 02:39:47 · answer #2 · answered by KEAS1 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is normal. Just remember to be firm and fair with them, no matter what...explain that he isn't trying to take their Dad's place. Let nature take it's course. I have 3 children of my own and a stepson....the key is to 'not push' each on the other. My middle child has had a hard time adjusting to her new step father-3 years now, she says he's too hard on her, why does she have to do this or that....but if he left today...it would hurt her and she will tell you that.....Just make sure that you and he treat all the kids with fairness and honesty...My step son (age 4) says he hates me one minute and the next minute he's hugging and kissing me, telling me "I need you, Momma ReRe" It just takes time and patience and not letting games get brought into it. Good Luck.
P.S. I found out last night the girl my ex married 6 years ago, left him....my kids are devestated...pretty odd for them to have been so rejecting of her...but one stayed up all night crying about it.
2006-11-07 02:27:31 · answer #3 · answered by ReRe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel please don't listen to those who said you shouldn't have brought this guy into your home. If he is a good man and taking care of you and your children that is a good thing. Just whatever you do don't bad mouth their real dad. I have 3 girls and only my youngest one is from my husband my oldest 2 were 6 and 8 when I married my husband and he too is a good man. yeah they get thick headed with him but give them time. just have a sit down with all of you . let them know he is not trying to replace anyone he just wants to be another person to love and take care of all of you.
2006-11-07 06:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by Janet F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very normal. I've been through it. Sometimes a child feels as if the new man in your life is trying to take the father's place and they become real angry and vindictive. But you have to keep telling them that he can never take the place of your father but he's a good man who loves us and want to take care of us. usually with boys as i have it's a little harder because they feel like with the absent father away they should be the one that takes care of mommy and i truly believe that jealousy sets in with them. Just keep talking to them and doing things together as a family so they can see what kind of things they have been missing out on. Good luck!
2006-11-06 23:55:00 · answer #5 · answered by 2sweet4u 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the children will accept the new man sometimes they don't. I wouldn't push it right away. Word of advise, don't put down their real Dad in front of the children. That will do nothing but slow the progress down accepting the new man. I'm sorry the real Dad didn't spend more time with his children. He will regret it later.
2006-11-06 23:57:48 · answer #6 · answered by Texan 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
did you know before getting married your kids did not like him? how long have you been with their step father? some times kids can since bad things in people and distance themselves away from them. just because he is your husband doesn't mean he is daddy material any one can play the part but if doesn't show love he will never be a father to your kids.
2006-11-07 00:03:44 · answer #7 · answered by lisamarie7901 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Children like their real Dad. You can't change that just because you want a new honey in the home. Sorry! But the real Dad good or bad will be their first choice and there isn't much you can do about it.
2006-11-06 23:43:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
They never do really...you are always the man sleeping with their mother. YOu will forever be the evil stepfather. The most you can expect is an uneasy peace, and it causes most 2nd marriages to fail because of kids...and mothers always taking the side of the kids..I do not recommend anyone trying this.
2006-11-06 23:43:00 · answer #9 · answered by David B 3 · 4⤊ 2⤋
It is normal. Maybe, you and your husband can have a family talk with the kids and let them know that he is not trying to replace their father, nobody can, but he does want to get along with them and be there for them if they need anything. Good luck!
2006-11-06 23:42:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 8⤊ 0⤋