I'm 18 n i just started first yr of university. I find the subject i am studying very hard and i don't like it at all. I live with my mother only, n she is like the only family, support, for me. I told her i don't like this program, that i can't do it, that i want to switch, every time i tell her this she becomes angry, yells at me, says she spent her life on me n i'm a loser n throwing every thing she did for me away. She is like abandoning me, she doesn't talk with me, she doesn't come to home when ever i'm home, she doesn't do the things she used to do, she doesn't love me any more just becuz i can't study this freaking course, i hate it, i'm not who she wants me to be, i'm not a nerd, i don't wanna be one, but she wants to hav a nerdy kid, she wants to go show off to her family n friends, she doesn't care a single **** about what i want. It's so hard for me to see rejected becuz of who i really am. Who is right? me or my mother? what should i do?
2006-11-06 23:06:38 · 13 answers · asked by kitXcat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I see both sides. It is just your first year, maybe you need to give it more time, and ask for help from the university to make it not so hard. Maybe you need to switch the subject to something that you find interesting. I am sure that she still loves you. She is probably overwhelmed by her fear that you will struggle (maybe as she has as a single mom) I am sure she just wants what is best for you. I never got to go to college, and didn't want to when I was 18. But I am 36 now and totally regret it. I would almost give anything to go back and get that degree. Besides I read that ANY college degree automatically gives you at least $23,000 a year in salary more than a person without one! That's amazing. You need to sit down with you and talk about the options. Maybe you can come with some alternate ideas on how to succeed. Maybe something else is going on with her? If you haven't been around so much because of college, I am sure it's hard to deal with as well for her if you two were really close. Try to get her to talk, and let her know that you understand her fear, that you won't get a degree. Tell her that you want to figure out how to get that in some other way.
2006-11-06 23:14:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
may be your mum is scared that you will lose this opportunity that she never had (or throw it away in her eyes). she's just scared and doesnt want you to struggle like she has. but if you dont like this course then talk to your tutor and see about changing it, discuss if you can change now or if it is too late what can you transfer to next year and go straight into the second year (that way u don't waste any time). or will you have to start afresh in the first year, in which case, if u really don't like this course then maybe it would be best to leave now and work until u can go back. have your tutor write u a support letter for changing courses.
your mum is just scared - this wanting a nerdy kid to show off is just how u are reading it, she wants u to do well, not only so that she can be proud of u, but also so that u will achieve as high as u can. she's just not communicating it that well - but that's parents for u.
maybe she doens;t know how the uni system works so when u tell her u dont like it she thinks u will drop out and go and work in a store or something and lose your potential. find out your options by talking to a tutor and then discuss these with her. tell her what u have decided. she probably gets angry bcos she cant help or advise u in any way bcos she doesnt how to.
good luck sweety, don't give up on your mum. it seems all the harder bcos of the stress u are under at the mo'. and your mum is not rejecting or abandoning u but is prob frustrated at not knowing what to do and so is avoiding the situation altogether.
get some advice and hopefully things will calm down. and when u find a course u want to do u will love it- trust me!!
2006-11-07 07:19:22 · answer #2 · answered by third space 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The course may be hard, yes, but is it truly impossible for you to learn? If so, you have little choice but to drop it or suffer a failing grade. Secondly, if it is a 'required' course for you to obtain your degree, then bite the bullet and hit the books. The problems you are having with your Mother seem typical, so I wouldn't worry too much. As a parent, she wants and expects the best for and from you, though she should never degrade your intelligence or efforts. At this point in your life, your Mother may very well not like you, but I guarantee that she loves you nonetheless. Arrange a quiet evening with her, and sit down together and calmy discuss your feelings, but do not drag any pending issues into the conversation...only feelings and emotions. Hopefully, she will hear you with her ears as well as her heart. Good luck, doll.
2006-11-07 07:21:47 · answer #3 · answered by Decadent Musings06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your mother doesn't understand that, that is what college is sometimes. You have to keep trying things until you find what you want, people do it all of the time. Besides you are 18 and it is your choice anyhow. She most likely still loves you and is just upset right now cuz you are not making the choices she wants you to make.
2006-11-07 08:23:34 · answer #4 · answered by sweetheather79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your mom thinks you want to quit all together and that is why she is so angry. Check with school and see what course you could switch to that you would enjoy doing. You're old enough to make those choices for yourself in this area.
As for mom, just love her and give her confidence that you can finish what you start and work hard, be good and have faith that you can do anything you put your mind to.
2006-11-07 08:06:28 · answer #5 · answered by Alterfemego 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you go for it if you dont like it? Can you not get extra help to get through it? If my daughter wanted to do a course that i had paid for then she had a fit an didnt want to do it anymore i wouldnt be impressed either. How long into it are you? There really isnt enough info for me to give a totally informed opinion and what i have said is assumptions so dont jump on me
2006-11-07 07:22:49 · answer #6 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_of_3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to her, tell her how u feel, if not try writing, she may need counseling, mums to some certain age, are always acting like these, seen too many cases, they may just be afriad that you are all grown up, and wanted to leave her, or couldn;t suceed in life. Or maybe, she is just a high achiever. I suggest a counseling session, communication always works.
2006-11-07 07:59:37 · answer #7 · answered by goldware 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand up for yourself, and find a course of study that interests you. You can't live your life for your mother. What's important is that you find something that you can do, and do well. Eventually, your mother will take pride in your success. Good luck!
2006-11-07 07:21:31 · answer #8 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother loves you , like all mothers she wants that her child will grow and will be very clever and more lucky than she.
Maybe she wanted to study this subject when she was young and it was impossible and now she wants that you will realize her dream.
You must just explain her that you're not her property , but you love her and you want that you and she will be very happy.
Tell her that you respect her wishes but it's your life and only your choice.Just try to find compromise with her ,I hope that she'll understand you.That's why you must be very polite with her.
I wish you good luck , I hope that news will be good! :)
2006-11-07 07:18:02 · answer #9 · answered by woo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. poor you.
your mother sounds a tad off the wall.
actually she sounds like she is blaming you for her
faults,
maybe you two should sit down and talk things out
talk to your teacher,,or a guidence councelor
maybe they can find you a tutor...
don;t run and hide,face your problems head on
2006-11-07 07:13:14 · answer #10 · answered by rottentothecore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋