question for the girls only about relationships?

Question

i am just coming out of a 4 yr long distance relationship, and the reason i do not feel is due to the distance, however i feel totally used, i really loved her and made every effort to travel to see her 20 odd times a 7000 mile round trip, however my love was blind, she never would say she loved me, never came to visit me, hardly kissed never stayed over and we didnt sleep together even though i tried to move all these things forward and we discussed it, however tghe worst thing was that she created this dream for us about living together and slowly she coaxed more and more money out of me for rent and a car and then tried for a house deposit, then i couldnt afford it, i feel a complete ******* idiot so u dont have to tell me, i just want to know how i can stop this happening again, how to say no and to stop being manipulated like she did, i feel i am too much of a nice guy, the more she talked to me the more she conned me i feel, sensible answers please

please note i didnt start splashing the cash to impress she started asking

Answer 1

What a bi tch doing that to you...when something like that happens to a person they tend to look out for the warning signs the next time and put up a barrier..Im sure you wouldnt let a woman use you like that again....people take kindness for daftness and use them.

Answer 2

That's tragic, poor you, but just wanted to say, been there, done that, bought the t-shirt etc etc. and it's not very nice. It was the bloke that done a very similar thing to me :o(

My advice would be, yeah you are gonna feel like you have been a total prat for a bit but it won't happen again as you will see the signs if it were to happen again (hopefully not!). You do learn by your mistakes, that's what life is all about.

There are some real devious women out there and it's so unfair that it's always the good guys that get s*** upon. You're better off without her, you'll know when that special person comes into your life cos it will just feel right, she will tell you she loves you, she will kiss you, etc, etc - all the things this nasty piece of work never gave you, so don't give up on us women, we can be an odd bunch - but hey, there are some good ones out there!

Keep your pecker up and keep smiling :o)

xx

Answer 3

Oh you poor thing that is devastating.

We are ALL f**king idiots when it comes to love. I look back at the things I've put up with from guys and I cringe!! You are not the first, and you won't be the last, so don't beat yourself up.

And don't change! You're a great guy So you're gullible, you might need to work on that, but with age and experience we learn these things. Don't become cynical or distrusting, just keep your wits about you and learn to look at things as an outsider on occasion. It's a tough lesson to learn, but people can't always be taken at face value, sometimes you'll need to use your head and not just your heart.

But for now, go out and enjoy yourself and all that extra cash you're saving. Meet new people, spend time with your friends and re-discover all that the single life has to offer. Hopefully next time around the girl you choose will be worthwhile. If not, at least after this you'll spot the signs a little quicker.

Best of luck!

Answer 4

People learn by their mistakes and being soft on the loved one is the biggest one am affraid, there is so many people in this world that are taken to the cleaners so to speak because they trust their loved ones, then it ends in tears when you have no money left to give them. Believe me I have been there, To stop this happening to you again, you have to harden up, am affraid, saying no isnt difficult to some one you love, if they have any love or respect for you, when you say no then they would understand why you have said no. One tip is if you are in a long term relationship and you think that it is going somewhere and they want money suggest to them having a joint bank account, sounds a horrid idea, but until you get to trust them YOU only put in the account a small amount (NOT YOUR ENTIRE WAGES), that way you both have access to the account and you can monitor it, then after a while if it is them that is using all the money and clearing the account and not contributing to the account every time then am affraid you have your answer, but if things go well and the money stays stable in the account and your partner is also contributing to the account then you will know that they are trustworthy.

Answer 5

you learned the hard way hun!
You must have known there was problems there from the start in the fact she didnt say these things and didnt do these things.
Also - a genuine lady will never ask you for you money or ask you to buy her things - of course you should treat a lady now and again - and you sound like a great guy that you were so prepared to spend money on her the way you did.
However - you should have had the cop on to realise that this relationship was only one way.
To protect yourself in the future - dont be so lose with either your wallet or your emotions.
You know the signs to look for now - lack of emotion - lack of commitment - lack of proper conversation - lack of physicality - greed and selfishness - just steer well clear of all these and youll do fine!
You're not the first to be conned - and you certainly wont be the last - chalk this down to experience - get your life back on track and Im sure you'll meet someone fab in no time. xx

Answer 6

Just remember, not all us gals out here are like that. You will meet someone who returns your love. Sorry to say this, but this girl didn't love you at all! Next time, if your girl starts asking you to fork out the money, little bells will go off in your head. A lesson learnt and all that. You sound like a really nice guy, patient (wow 4 years no sex!), kind, giving and loving. You will make some gal a very happy woman. And don't put yourself down about being an idiot and all that - alot of people have been in the same boat.

Answer 7

Best thing to do is go with your instinct in these situations but it can be hard sometimes because you're blinded by love. It seems the good guys always find the bad apples though. There is nothing wrong with showing love and being generous. If your next partner starts to expect money, show them where the door is. You'll find a nice women who will want you for who you are not your wallet just keep looking :)

Answer 8

Yes it does sound like you've been used. The only way that this can be stoped is if you stop it ur self. It's wonderfull and all to have a nice kind heart but sometimes you have to know when to gaurd your heart. To not let it make your decsions for you. That is a tell tell sign in a relationship. Early in she's already asking you for money for rent are whatever. Didn't she have these bills before you came along. So she was paying them then. Now she just wonts you to pay them so she has extra cash. But as I said you have to be on ur p's and q's you can't let women use you just for your money. And sweetie as long as you let women get moeny out of you there always gonna do it. Not until you stop will it stop. Your the one who hands out the cash. They just ask for it. So to stop it say NO NO NO. Like saying no to drugs.. hahaha Say no to giving women money.... Sorry to hear. Good luck.

Answer 9

Yea obviously why does not`t or not that is,. If both of you want one yet another and want to be at the same time then why shouldn't you. there are allot of human beings accessible who imagine that it really is incorrect yet they don`t comprehend what it really is like. they prefer the option sex and that is in basic terms as typical to easily like an same sex besides. they say that you're born gay or instantly so there is not something incorrect with being your self and having the braveness to stay your existence the way that you want to and not in any respect the way that society and human beings say is `the right way`or more effective suitable to them. in case you want to be in a relationship with yet another woman then opt for it i'm hoping that it quite works out for both of you. i'm hoping that I were of a few help to you.good luck.

Answer 10

I do believe that you have hit the nail on the head so to speak, this is a woman who wanted you for what you could give her, the brutal truth is that she never really loved you for you at all....the hard and fast truth is that you have to learn to protect your heart, and not fall for the deceit, and lies....you have to learn the word no, and learn to stop giving so much of yourself until you are sure that the love is for you and not about how much you can give all the time...you learn to hold back sometimes other wise you will be taken for a mug time, and time again, and it's only after the fact, that you had realized, but let this be the biggest lesson that you learn from, if nothing else. good luck.

Answer 11

Im really sorry to hear tha happen with you. Some girls can such biatches. The only way i think you can avoid this is, don't feel you can't be in a relationship or put a complete shield up, if your with someone make the effort but make sure you're getting the same back too cos it is unfair if your putting in the effort and she isnt.