Stalking problems... PLEASE, I need sincere, constructive answers from honest people.?

Question

This is a bit of a long story...
I have had strong romantic feelings for my art teacher since the beginning of the school year. First, I would just smile at him in the hallways... then it turned in to me following him everywhere, having his schedule memorized. The next step I took was to write him a nine-page love letter, hand-written, and basically me professing my undying love to him. He wasn't actually supposed to get the letter, a friend of mine stole it from me and gave it to him, so I went and apologized after school that day.
It only got worse from there. I got a new digital camera for my birthday, and I became obsessed with taking pictures of him and putting them on my walls and on the internet. I created a shrine dedicated to him, where I have pens he's used, a sharpie he had in his mouth, and various samples of his writing and artwork.
The worst was still yet to come.
On Halloween night, he went trick-or-treating with his two-year-old daughter and a friend of his, and I

... followed them around the neighborhood. All the while I felt terrible about ruining a good family moment, and I was crying my head off. I never spoke to him that night. When they went home (I had found his address in the phone book), I felt awful about it and just wanted to fade in to the rainy sky. I laid face-down in his driveway and started crying hysterically. His friend came over and asked me if I was okay, and that I should probably leave. I walked five miles home...
The next day in school, I was called to the office, and my mom was there with the principal, my guidance counselor, and everyone else important in the school.
They informed me that my art teacher had called the police the preceding night, and that his wife and daughter stayed at a hotel out of fear of me. I have NO violent intentions, it's honestly just a crush and nothing more. They say I can't see him anymore, and it's killing me inside. I don't want to scare him, but I know it's just a temporary thing and

just want to enjoy it without hurting anyone. I just want to see him, because that is when I am the happiest. What should I do to avoid crossing the line between 'crush' and 'creepy?'

10 minutes ago
Ehh, I've consequently been sent to several professionals and they see nothing mentally wrong with me.
I am aware that what I'm doing is wrong.
Any constructive advice?

It's just so hard to do...
I don't really even want to stalk him, I just want to see him every now and then.

Shark Gumbo, may I ask what kind of answer that is? o.o

Answer 1

I think we've probably all had out-of-proportion feelings for an individual at some time. It is good that you recognise your 'crush' for what it is - and this means that you will get over it. You need a distraction, and some discipline. You should give yourself a target of not seeing your crush for 24 hours, when you have done that set yourself a target of 48 hours and so on - by the time you have done this a few times, you will know that life is not solely dependant on your art teacher.
You should dismantle your 'shrine' recognising that it represents something temporary and unattainable (sorry, this is fundamental it must go...). You also have a little responsibility to think about the impact this may be having on your art teachers life - relationships are delicate things, he has a daughter who will adore him and if things have reached this point, he and his home relationships will be suffering to some degree and I know you don't want that to happen.
On a happier note, the distraction is down to you - what do you like doing?? Book yourself some horseriding lessons, go karting with some friends - do something exciting as a reward for not doing the stalking....
I really hope you get to grips with this, you no doubt have a lot of affection to give - let's face it you're going to laugh about this in the fullness of time...
Hope this helps

Answer 2

It's too late honey.. You've already gone way over the line into creepy territory. That's seriously not a normal crush and you need help. You may not have a mental illness but you certainly have issues. I feel very sorry for you because I'm sure this is hard for you but if you were an adult male, you would be locked up for this kind of behaviour. The only thing that I can suggest to you is you stay away from him and his family and get whatever help is available to you. You've got issues, big time and need to talk to someone. Perhaps you are having a really hard time adjusting to your hormones and this kind of thing may get better in time but right now, you need help! What is wrong with your parents that they didn't talk to you about the shrine anyway? Perhaps the whole family could use with some help. If you can't afford help, there are advise lines that you can call to find out what can be done.

Answer 3

Make an appointment with a psychologist who happens to be a therapist immediately. These feelings that you have are not necessarily abnormal, but what you do about them is. You cannot intrude on another persons space if they do not want you to. You said that his wife and their daughter stayed in a hotel because they were afraid of you. This is not acceptable behavior, and that is why they are afraid, regardless of what your reasons for doing it, is. If someone says they are afraid of you, you must believe them. They do not have to defend themselves any further, and you must respect others privacy and personal space. Not only is it against the law to stalk someone, it is not morally or ethically correct behavior. You need serious help, whether you just think about him constantly or whether you take action on the same thing. And you had better beware of the person that you do this to, that may not go to the police, but may take the situation into their own hands, instead. People do not like to feel like their lives are out of control and this is what you are making your art teacher feel. It is NOT right!

Answer 4

Okay so you've already had professional help, so don't know what more input we can give, but I'll have a go at it this time around.

You most definitely need another outlet for your affections. I know you really like this guy, but you have to keep in mind he's not the only person out there, There are others around you, you just have to open up your eyes a bit, and I'm sure you'll find someone of a more appropriate age with similair qualitites.

Ask yourself this as well, "Do you really like him?"
If the answer is yes, then why are you putting him in an uncomfortable situation such as this. If you like him that much, do you really want to hurt him? I'm sure this situation isn't making him very happy, and is probably causing him a lot of stress.

Answer 5

Well, part of the reason you may be falling for your ex again (especially since you are falling fast) is because you of your current rocky relationship. You are feeling unwanted, unattractive, unloved, taken for granted.....and your ex all of a sudden pops back in the picture and is making you feel wanted, loved, attractive, etc. You may be projecting your feelings that you do still have for your husband to your ex, just because your ex is actually reciprocating them. If you really feel you are losing your love for your husband, then I suggest you at the very least try counseling. If that doesn't help your problems with your husband, at least you can say that you have exhausted all means of your relationship and you can't then regret leaving him 10 yrs from now. If you two do decide to get a divorce, i would not run immediately to your ex. Take at least a year by yourself, make sure that your heart is healed from the divorce. Even if you feel you are not in love with hubby, you still need time to readjust to not being married, not having HIM in your life, except as a father to your child. You have to give your marriage everything you have, especially since you do have a child together. You deserve it, your husband deserves it, and so does your child that you two at the very least TRIED to work it out. If it doesn't, then maybe the counseling can help you two build at least a friendship to where the divorce and post-divorce life wont be so horrible. You want to maintain at the very least a friendship with him, and if you two get divorced and you run immediately into the arms of another man, that may ruffle the feathers of your relationship with hubby.

Answer 6

if you know what you are doing is wrong, and you think it's just a crush you have on your art teacher then you should try and keep away from him! Are there any other schools in your area? maybe it would be a good idea to move to one of those for a fresh start, you could still keep in touch with your other friends but you'd soon make new ones....you will have to try and realise that nothing is ever going to happen with you and your art teacher as he is married with a child, look at what you are doing to his family, if you really like him and you want him to be happy then make a clean break of things, maybe you will find the right person somewhere new who can love you back! Good luck

Answer 7

sixx: Sincerely; realize first, that you are heading into BIG trouble should you choose to persist in your stalking escapades. You have a O.C. disorder [obsessive compulsive] and the professionals should of picked up on it !!! Needless to say, your endeavours will amount to you getting expelled from school, a court order will be processed against you and you could cause his marriage to break up. Stalking is against the law and you could end up in the slammer and have a criminal record, limiting you to certain jobs and keeping you within your country. Therefore; you need a second opinion about the O.C. thing and get it quick to receive therapy ASAP or you will be on the hunt again. I feel sorry for you and know you can't help it - but you have to do your part in working towards a solution to this dilemma. Good luck to your seeking help "sixx" !!!

Answer 8

You want constructive? It seems like you want someone to okay what you're doing, not going to happen. You must have been pretending for the professionals because what I see is an unnatural obsession. You have to go cold turkey. Stay away from the guy, you cannot have him. I think you need some extra curricular activities to keep your mind off of it. You need a rigid timetable with someone to keep you to it, i.e. mum. But most importantly you need to tell yourself over and over I cannot have him, I cannot have him, until you believe it. There is nothing simple or natural about what you have done, it is not a simple crush, it is stalking and it is illegal for a good reason. See another shrink and be honest with them this time.

Answer 9

This definitely sounds like a problem, especially because it's become a breach of privacy. I mean, there's always the argument "Some call it stalking, I call it love and devotion", but you're being entirely selfish about the relationship. You see him because it makes you feel good, and that's entirely one sided. From the sounds of things, you scare him somewhat, and this is a very bad thing. Respect his feelings, and his privacy.

As much as I hate to say it, you're definitely in the wrong here. You're going to have to start caring about his opinion, and what he wants, and to stop seeing him until you get a grip on yourself. If you don't get a grip on yourself, then you must not see him again. You're just going to have to grit your teeth and take it, because, well, it's illegal.

Answer 10

Listen my sweetie, I am sure your did not intend for things to go that far, you did not mean to ruin the vening of a happy family and you did not mean for your feelings to develop so strongly pushing you towards doing things that you do not normally do and not being able to control your desire to see him.
This is exactly why he considered raising the matter to a higher level, he is just worried that without any bad intentions your feelings for him will drive you to do worse things than you already do. You should put yourself in his place and imagine someone doing the same things you do because he has feelings for you, and how worried that would make you feel and if you’ll wonder whether he’d do anything to invade your privacy or maybe even go further.
The right thing to do in your case is to seek some professional counselling to help you have more self-control. It is not a bad thing to have strong feelings for someone, but we should not let our feelings dominate how we act.