How do you tell your bf to stop digging into the past?

Question

My bf and I are together for 3 years. We are also planning to get married soon. However, there are things that I have not told him about my past and it is obvious that he is interested to know about my past. However, i think my past will only destroy us. Since we are already talking about marriage (and I have this idea that your husband should know everything about you), should I tell him about the past knowing the risk involved?

Answer 1

Does he want to know to clear the past, or because he doesnt trust you?

the past is the past. I have things in my past that would shock my wife, but I am hers now, and that is that. as long as your past isnt a risk now, I wouldnt bother.

there is love and trust, but that doesnt mean you have to share the times that existed before you met.

telling the truth doesnt mean you have to talk. dont let a guilty society dictate the terms here.

if you want to have a clean slate, then no matter what the result, you will at least know you came clean.

or be silent and know the risks.

I chose not to talk about it all, as my life started with her the day we met. and thats the most important thing.

Answer 2

What is it that makes him want 2 know ur past? Does he really loves u?Most of the times the past is a dangerous wapon that destroys relationships bcos u both will always refer to it once u mistaken. So u both should b careful of how much do yuo wanna no of each other. It sometimes good to no the persons' past just the way u no it. Stop wanting to no how many relationships does(s)he has or things like that bcos that will always remind u of terrible mistakes of ur life& that will weaken u to stand for what makes u happy.

I also think u musn't "want" to know ur partners past if (s)he isn't ready to tell bcos other thing we did in the past are always the stumbling blocks to our happiness. Something we are not proud of them and by settling with someone ur trying to build urself a new life. But if somebody keeps reminding u of ur past, you sometimes feel down to continue. So 4 me I would say talk to him and don't hide how you feel. If he really loves u he will give u time until ur ready.If he doesn't listen call it a day.

The other thing is if u want 2 tell him it is ur choice bcos even if u do not tell him he will find out soon or later and that will cause the end of ur your relation ship. And again i think it's best if yuo tell him b4 u commit to each otherwise it will break your heart if he finds out anyway. Give him what he wants and c how he will react. If he loves u he will continue with you but to what extend, nobody nos!!

So this is like a game,"u take it ur guilt;u don't, u still are!!!

so do what feels right with u!!
Goodluck!!

Answer 3

Yes, don't hide anything he has a right to know just like u have a right to know about his. Flip a coin to see who goes first and do it in front of a counselor so that niether of u get hung up in the past. Also if u r going there pls be adults about it don't do it to look for ammunition against each other and after it's all out in the air pray on it together forgive each other if need be and support one another on what they went through, then close the door to the past. Any of u who brings it up after wards lied to the other from the beginning and doesn't deserve the other. That way niether of u have any skeletons to worry about and u r both clean from day number one.

Answer 4

You should tell him every thing now as it is the best way to clear your past. If it is revealed after your marriage, it will destroy your marital relations. You should do it now without getting further risk in marriage relations.

Answer 5

Tell him that the experiences you have been through make you the person you are today. If nothing in your past puts him in risk of disease or death...then he needs to back off. Were you using intravenous drugs, having unprotected sex, or working as a hooker? If not...he needs to check his attitude with HIS emotional baggage. You can't "carry on" but so much and pack it in the overhead compartment (his brain)!

Answer 6

WHAT THE HELL DID U DO IN UR PAST IT DEPENDS ON WHAT U DID BUT IF U REALLY TRULY LOVE HIM U NEED TO TELL HIM, WHATEVER IT MAYBE BECAUSE UR PAST MAY COME TO HAUNT U IN THE FUTURE AND THAT WILL MAKE IT EVEN WORSE TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATION.

Answer 7

i made that mistake with my boyfriend, now i can't go one day without hearing about my ex's. it's awful and makes me shameful, even though i shouldn't be ashamed of them. it makes me feel guilty, like i had cheated on him or something.
i say keep the past in the past, don't tell him anything. he will just bring it up all the time. I wish i had kept it to myself.

Answer 8

i guess you have to tell him about your past before he knew it from other people.. well if he really loves you then he will accept you for who you are. but if not, then its time to move on. tell him the truth and tell him that it is really not that important to dwell to your past. what is important is the present and the future for both of you.. goodluck...

Answer 9

You should tell him. He isn't going to get less curious that is for sure.

Look at it this way, if it is going to cause problems, surely better that it happens before you are married.

Answer 10

If you are really envisaging a marriage, then the best thing will be to tell the truth. If you don' t tell him now and he comes to know it (I don' t know how) one day, then it will be worst. If he really loves you and cares for you, he' ll understand........so go on... and best of luck n courage.