After 3 1/2 years with a guy, whom we both lost our virginity together with, I broke up with him (went to college, long distance thing got to me). In that next month I dated another guy and had sex with him. Then I realized I made a HUGE mistake and got back together with my x. He took me back right away, said he had been crying while we were apart and all his family said he was depressed too. Now I love him more than ever, but the guilt is killing me. even though we were not together, I feel like i cheated cuz sex means a lot to him and he swore to only do it with one girl. I never told him because it will only hurt him, and there is no way he can find out unless I tell him. I think about telling him but then when I imagine how crushed and broken down hes going to be, I cant ever imagine to go through with it. I know everyone make mistakes and I should let it go BUT HOW???? HELP PLEASE!
P.S. I swore never to do anything like that again, I want to marry this man and I made up my mind
2006-11-06 18:42:12 · 8 answers · asked by Mari 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just wanted to let everyone know I somehow decided to tell him.. and I did! I told him, we had a night of crying.. he scared me a little but then said he loved me and was not going to leave me. Now we're both a little hurt but we can do it. Thanks for everyone for the great advice!!!
2006-11-08 18:10:30 · update #1
*sigh*
Tell him... but you must now be willing to face the pain of his reaction. It's only fair. He loves you, I'm sure... but he might also say some unloving things if he does get angry. It will take time for him to trust you again. But you must tell him you're willing to do whatever it takes to try to earn back his trust again (like, being careful how and with whom you spend your time with when apart). Some here may think this is too "controlling". I don't think so... not while your focus is trying to help heal a wound that needs to be addressed.. This is your test now to see how far your love does go.
2006-11-06 18:51:17 · answer #1 · answered by Daniel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you guys were not together he deserves to know. You shouldn't feel guilty about having sex with someone else becasue you never cheated, however the view of both of you is that in a way you did cheat. When you had sex with the guy at college you were needing that closeness that your 3 1/2 year boyfriend provided for you. The main thing in your situation is to tell him and let him decide what happens next. If he leaves it will hurt, but then he didn't care enough about you to work over your guys' problems. Don't feel guilty for having sex with someone else if you two were not together. It is not cheating but let him know and have no secrets between you two. If you have no secrets from each other you will have a long healthy relationship. I hope this helps.
2006-11-07 02:51:18 · answer #2 · answered by go_blue34 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you lose yr virginity to some one, you feel a certain amount of attachment to them. Although i know this is not your case, but my best friends' "first" is an abuser, but she keeps going back to him because she has that attachment. The way you can look at your situation is that you had to make sure that you did truely love this man, and that its not just that "attachment" that your feeling. It was not a mistake. Although you are in a committed realtionship, you still have to look out for you. Imagine in 5 years time when you are married. you would always have wondered if he is the right guy. rather you find out now, and know you have made the right choice.
2006-11-07 02:54:49 · answer #3 · answered by chickyboo222 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell him, if he loves you, yea maybe he'll be hurt but then atleast he'd know you were honest with him and know he could trust you, tell him that's when you realized you lost something wonderful because it didn't feel right and special, like it was with him, that you made a mistake and you're sorry but you love him and hope he can accept it and you two can move on.......if he takes it badly, then he doesn't love you enough
2006-11-07 02:50:31 · answer #4 · answered by evers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ME PERSONALLY U SHOULD TELL HIM BECAUSE IT WILL KILL U SOFTLY INSIDE AND IF HE HAD DID IT TO U, U WOULD WANT HIM TO TELL U. I GUARANTEE U THAT U WILL FEEL 100LBS. LIGHTER ON UR HEART IF U TELL HIM. THINGS WON'T BE EASY AT FIRST BUT AFTER IT WEARS OFF HE WILL LOVE U AND TRUST U MORE BECAUSE U WERE HONEST WITH HIM.
2006-11-07 02:48:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should watch "kabhi alvida na kahana" you are going through same it is going to happen to same with you
2006-11-07 02:50:18 · answer #6 · answered by richi_richer2007007007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm... just tell him this.. you thought you were done with him, but you didn't realize how much you love him and he loves you until now :) :D
2006-11-07 02:45:26 · answer #7 · answered by Tank D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask the lord
2006-11-07 02:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by a_bike_guy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋