Hi! Any good jokes for making a speech at a cricket dinner/awards?

Question

I have to speak to a crowd of expat Brits, Kiwis, Aussies & Indians at a cricket awards dinner coming up soon.

Cheers!

Answer 1

"jolly good show, old chap, put some more shrimps on the barbie, mate, excuse me please saheb" dunno bout the kiwis

Answer 2

Two nuns were walking through the Everglades where the heat and humidity were really getting to them when they came across a small hut with the 'lady' of the house (about 22 stone) sitting on the front steps eating a large slice of fresh melon with her dress hitched up around her waist and no pants on.
One of the nuns turned to the other and said "Oh Sister as it's so hot would it be possible for us to take our pants off?" the other one replied "No Sister, the only time we could do anything like that would be if it were a local custom".
The first Sister, ever hopeful, walked up to the local and said "excuse me, but it it customary for people to wear no pants in this region?" to which the local replied "No mam but it sure keeps the flies off my melon"

Answer 3

3 men break down in a car an indian a jew and a solicitor
they go to the local farm house and asks the farmer for a room for the night the farmer informs them he only has a room for 2
and one can use the barn , the indian says he will sleep in the barn and off he goes 10 mins later theres a knock at the door
the indian walks in and says i cant sleep in the barn theres a cow in there cows are sacred in my religion,
so the jew goes down to the barn and 10 mins later theres a knock at the door and the jew walks in and says theres a pig in
there and that there not kosher, so the solicitor goes to the barn
and 10 mins later theres a knock at the door and in walk the cow and the pig.

Answer 4

A tall West Indian cricketer was playing in a local charity ''village green'' type Sunday game when it was time for ''tea and sandwiches''.He got his sandwich and was being served his tea by a little old volunteer lady when she said to him,''my you are a fine young man,how tall are you?He replied six feet four maam.She cheekily asked him,''is everything in proportion son?[wink wink nudge nudge] to which he replied,''no maam,sorry,if it were I would be seven feet six!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

How about these:
A priest visits a man who is grieving over the death of his aged father."I'm so sorry to hear of your loss," says the priest. "Did you take him to Lourdes as I suggested?" "Yes,we did," replies the man."But we,d only been there a few minutes when he passed away." "Was it his heart?" asks the priest."No father," replies the man."He got hit on the head with a cricket ball!"

An expectant father rings the hospital to see how is wife is getting on.By mistake he's connected to Lords cricket ground."How's it going?" he asks."Fine," comes the answer,we've got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch.The last one was a duck."

Doctor,doctor,I've got a cricket ball stuck in my ear.
How's that ?enquired the doctor
Oh,don't you start!

Answer 6

What ever you do don't start your speech with "it's nice to be here in what used to be Englands biggest outdoor prison", or it cost me 600 qiud to get here and all it cost my great grandad was a loaf of bread". Good luck with it.

Answer 7

you could mention the one about the cricket presenter that said the batsmans Holding the bowlers Willie. sorry cant remember who said it

Answer 8

It seems tht Prince Charles is in bit of a tight squeeze, and his wife does not approve of her at all !!!

Answer 9

PATIENT-are my testicles black? NURSE-sir you had an operation on youre leg?PATIENT-are my testicles black?NURSE-if it puts youre mind at rest i,ll have a look(lifts cover has a look)PATIENT-nurse are my test results back......

Answer 10

http://www.jokes.net/cricketjokes.htm