24 year old virgin?

Question

I'm a male, hetero virgin. I used to be fat. I lost some weight and now girls like my looks but think I'm weird. When I was in the 6th grade I was falsely accused of sexual harrassment, and as a result I avoided doing anything that could even possibly be seen as flirtatious for years and years. This developed into a full-blown phobia at least 8 years ago.
I didn't have any female friends in high school, and then went to a tech school where the male:female ratio was 3:1. Then I gained a lot of weight and dropped out because of depression related to this issue. I finally managed to lose over 70 pounds and get to the point where girls find me attractive again, but I feel like a bleeding child swimming in a pool of sharks when it comes to male-female relations. This has poisoned my whole life, literally.

Answer 1

Young you still are,do not be afraid,they are not gonna eat you.Just be yourself is all that you can do.....unless you're gay.

Answer 2

First of all, congratulations for taking control of your life, getting over the depression, and losing some weight. What a great story! I'm proud of you, man!

Now, stop fretting about the awkwardness. Take some deep breathing exercises along with your weight control and turn up the sense of humor. If you can make a girl laugh, you will never have to worry about relationships again. And, laugh along. Laughter is a great relaxer. Have fun. Stop worrying so much (people with depression tendencies tend to take everything too personally, can be overly sensitive, and too self-conscious).

You life has not been poisoned. There's just a little need to filter out some of the past (that sexual harrassment episode must have been a real bummer) and get on with life.

Good luck. You've got everything going for you!!

Answer 3

I really think the best thing for you would be to seek out counseling. A phobia like this is not something you can just turn off at the drop of a hat-you are going to need to undo all of what you have built up since the 6th grade, and that you should not take on alone. Don't worry, we all go through some horrible and awkward moments in life, but you will get through this the moment you seriously acknowledge that this is a problem for you and you want to overcome it. Good luck and stay strong, the right woman is out there for you, and you want to be sure you are 110% emotionally available to her when she comes around!

Answer 4

Watch 'the 42 year old Virgin' on DVD, that should cheer you up! Also if you're attractive now just be kind to girls, they'll soon become tour friends by seeing what a nice guy you really are! Maybe to help you regain some confidence you should go an talk to someone about it! This doesn't mean you're crazy, it means that you're dealing with your phobia like a man!
Good luck!

Answer 5

Dude, that SUCKS! You need to find a kind, compassionate spirit who can gently lead you into the wonderful world of sex. Thats the only way your confidence is going to get where it needs to be so you can enjoy this wonderful and beautiful pasttime our nation is so obsessed with.

Your situation is not unique, I've had several friends who had similar trauma (getting caught palying "doctor" when they were little and forever marred with the sex-is-evil lecture etc...)

Would you believe in Japan they have special services to "deflower" folks just like you, who for one reason or another bloomed a bit late? They have a super strict screening process of the actual escorts, making sure they are very compassionate, caring people with no sketchy pasts...

In South America some dads will give their housekeepers an extra big tip for helping their teenage sons learn how to become a master in the bedroom so he's not all awkward and inexperienced when he finally meets the girl of his dreams.

I'm writing all this to tell you that the number one most important thing is to...

1.) find some way to make friends with girls. You need to be around them. Some suggestions: church, theater groups, yoga classes, ballroom dance, hiking clubs, art classes, cooking classes...these are ALWAYS female dominated...I have a friend who went to massage school and met tons of girls...ooohhh massage school....
2.) Rent 40-year-old virgin, its very applicable, but you could learn something from some of the main characters shortcomings in his quest to deflower...
3.) get some experience, no more holding back, get SOME
2.) get some sex in some way or with some person you can trust...this will be tricky, as we are not in Japan and I don't know if you have a housekeeper looking to earn tips in that way. Really, no more waiting for the right person. Get it out of the way or it'll become a bigger and bigger issue.

Some ideas....hmmmm...the Internet might be a good starting point, start by just doing some harmless chatting...who knows, you might meet someone who understands and takes an interest in helping you out (I have a girlfriend who was really into that kind of thing, unfortunately she is now married ;)

Good luck!!!

Answer 6

Dear friend, during your life you will find people trying to take advantage of other people. You stated being accused of sexual harassment without justification. I wish I knew the details, but I know it happens. But what you got to understand is no everyone is out to get you. Money is a big lure for a lots of $ hungry histrionic females who will yell sexual harassment for nothing. Why don't you seek help with a group of people that understands a bit about depression social phobias or weight issues. Maybe some interpersonal relationship seminars. Also expand your social realm to academic, social, school clubs. Community volunteering work, sporting weekend leisure activities such as hiking, biking, canoing, running, jogging, skating, church social activities; look in the local papers for activities and believe me alots of good doors will open up for you. As far as girls no all are there to get you, just the bad apples. If you are shy then try a bussines group that meets in many cities to promote speaking in public is like a club and it is free, you will have to find their name. It helps from fear to speak or shynes!.Cheer up my friend also remember as much as you like girls measure yourself when dealing with them. Read her signals but make sure you are reading Right. It is not all about sex!. As far a being a virgin we all were and somehow we move into the non virgin status. Just wait the Right girl will come along and do not respond to peer pressure from friends etc. Be Happy and enjoy someone who appreciates you and likes you, and please treat her as you would like to be treated yourself. This is the key rule and do not let the label virgin gives you anxiety. It is not like you are going to die from this.

Answer 7

Being a virgin at 24 is perfectly fine, actually commendable. But your having a problem with girls is something that needs to be resolved. I would suggest that you talk to a male family member who you trust. If you feel that may be a bit too close to home for comfort, then look for a good counsellor who can help you wiith that.

Answer 8

My dear boy, you simply lack trust.
Deep inside you, were you really guilty of this sexual harrassment??
No, you were not.
You should bear in mind that you are able to date girls because it seems that you looking great. Why don't you simply ask a gal if she wanna have a drink with you but for this you must be simple and sincere. Am damned sure there must be a girl who is waiting in hell for you to invite her. Cool down, a girl is like a rose you need to take her with care koz its fragile.
Ok if you need help I'll be here okay.
Take care bye

Answer 9

there is somewhat no longer something incorrect approximately being a virgin. i individually think of that it is greater captivating, co'z it merely potential which you're actually not merely an consumer-friendly guy and which you're careful and picky. possibly females and relationship are actually not your priorities precise now. i think you merely have not somewhat discovered the desirable female which you're somewhat fascinated in bodily and emotionally. I additionally think of which you view intercourse in a different way. And there are different aspects, like the form you have been reported. possibly you got here from a conservative relatives and intercourse subjects are actually not allowed to be reported. yet once you think of there is greater previous that i think you ought to pass see a physician co'z they comprehend greater useful. nicely i think that's all I ought to declare. Take care!

Answer 10

The past is the past! You need to talk with a therapist and get counseling so that this does not ruin your life. I'm sure you will be so glad you did! Depression is easily treated and counseling will help you put the past behind you so that you can get on with your life. Life is too short & you are to young to be burdened with so much. Good luck

Answer 11

Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. If you are really struggling with this problem you might want to see a psychologist. It may help you to work through this problem. Also don't be discouraged by women, about 95% of them are going to skeezy whores anyway. Just wait for the right one, if she's the right one she'll be patient and work through things with you.