My boyfriend is a single dad with full custody of 2 kids, 6 and 4. Their mom is hardly in their life, she gave him full cutstody after the divorce and doesn't pay child support and maybe see's them once a month. They're not well taken care of when they go vist her, they come home at 9pm on sunday and say they haven't eaten supper yet and when asked what they did, they say "nothing". He wants to take her to court for payments but he still owes money to his lawyer for the divorce and doesn't qualify for legal aid. To make matter's worse, his daughter (6) requires special attention. He's up at 6am to get them going and half the time he leaves late because of chassing a 3 y/o and dealing with his daughter. He's had to go back to working at the bar on the weekends to make ends meet. His mom takes care of the kids when he can't. I work evenings and can't change my schedual to help more. One morning he said he felt like he was having chest pain cuz of the stress. I'm really worried.
2006-11-06 17:43:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
We don't live together and I'm not ready to take that step. When I come over after work, I help in the mornings but I have class and can't always be there. He's constantly sick, and doesn't have the energy to talk when I call him on my breaks in the evenings. His mood has changed drasticly, he used to be fun loving and he's very grumpy now. I want to help him but I don't know what to do.
2006-11-06 17:45:47 · update #1
people make choices in life. you are not willing to move in which means that you are not that committed to him and his situation. social services could help him. notify him to call social services.
2006-11-06 17:50:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a special person to care so much for him and his children. He is lucky to have you in his life.
He needs support, which you are giving him. To raise 2 children is a lot of responsibilty, along with two jobs. He needs to pay attention to his and his children's nutrition, health and fitness. Good eating and regular physical activity are very important for physical and mental health. Even a daily walk or 30 minutes of moderate running will be a big improvement. It is also very important that he see his primary physician and discuss the chest pains - he needs a checkup to rule out any heart problems.
He would also benefit by developing a schedule to better use his limited waking hours to care for himself and kids, to commute to and from work, and to do the weekly chores that are needed. The 6 year old can chip in and help with light chores. Perhaps on weekends, you and him can do grocery shopping (twice a month) and cooking 7 days of meals on one weekend day to better use your precious time. Make up a 14 day meal plan and rotate among your favorites.
The financial situation with his ex-wife should be dealt with through the family court. His lawyer should be told about the ex's failing to feed her kids - maybe her visitation rights can be cut back or eliminated if she is not acting responsibly, or actually harming the kids. A full accounting for all the paid and unpaid support payments should be shown to the judge - perhaps her wages can be garnished, or money taken from her savings accounts. But your BF should not cut back visitation rights in retaliation - the judge will consider that a violation of the order, so your BF must let the judge decide when and how to change the visitation schedule.
Good luck and best wishes to all of you.
2006-11-07 02:20:28 · answer #2 · answered by Tom-SJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Phew! He does need a helping hand. I am a working mom with only one 10-month normal healthy baby and my husband helps a lot too and still I feel so tired sometimes. I have hired a boy too for helping us out. Can you take care of the children in the mornings, him in the noons and his mother in the evenings and can he afford a maid or a helping hand? He does need that because he really has his hands full besides all the stress and mayhem he already has in his life. Perhaps some of his friends can take care of children, once every two months or help him with chores such as bringing his grocery in along with theirs, help him do the laundry or such. He needs to lessen the workload very much and take time out to meditate or at least be able to sit and talk about himself for half an hour daily or just rest and sleep.
2006-11-07 01:50:48 · answer #3 · answered by Smriti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That does sound very stressful for him. You should get his mom to watch the kids sometime and then you pamper him. Make or buy him dinner, give him a message, things like that. It may only be one night, but it will make a big difference for him. Or you could take the kids just for a day and let him spend his day doing what he wants.
2006-11-07 08:27:48 · answer #4 · answered by sweetheather79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't cost anything to file for support. Also there should be supervised custody with the mother. He can get a subsidy for daycare if he applies for it. There is aid available. He just needs to find it.
2006-11-07 01:54:20 · answer #5 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then quit your job,marry him and raise the kids with him.Or find another job that allows you to be there even if it's for less money.If you love him enough.
2006-11-07 01:47:47 · answer #6 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he needs help
can u?
2006-11-07 01:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by q6656303 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋