Me and my boyfriend were both virgins when we met and we didn't start having sex until 1 year into the relationship. I dated my boyfriend for 2 years when he broke up with me. He wanted me back within the next two weeks but I said no and made him wait for a whole month before I took him back. Then after the next year and a half I started to feel distant and broke up with him. In that next month I dated and had sex with one guy. Then I realized I made a huge mistake and got back together with him. He took me back right away, saying he missed me with tears in his eyes. I feel so bad and regret it more than anything!! He asked me couple times whether i did anything with another guy and I said no because I knew it would destroy him. I feel really guilty but I don't think I should tell him cuz I deserve to feel bad and if I tell him I will only make him feel bad when he doesnt deserve it. What do u think??
2006-11-06 17:33:37 · 29 answers · asked by Mari 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
And there is noooo way he could find out ( it was while I was in a diffrent city for the summer. But I feel like if I tell him it will only be to get rid of my guilt and thats selfish. Also I am positive he has not slept with another girl. Too long to explain how but just take that into consideration.
2006-11-06 17:50:43 · update #1
No need to tell ... as long as he never finds out ... what he doesn't know won't hurt him ... I think it's enough that you feel a little guilty and realize you made a mistake and really want to be with your BF ... so all is well ... enjoy your life and I wish you all the best
Good Luck :)
2006-11-06 17:38:32 · answer #1 · answered by deadkelly_1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you say that you are positive that he hasn't slept with anyone else, and you also say that you're sure he wouldn't find out that you did. It sounds like basically in the relationship, you're the informed one, and he's the naive one. Maybe you should consider balancing that situation by telling him the truth.
He's bound to ask at some point anyway. It's human nature. Let's say you stay together and 5 years down the road he's contemplating your relationship. He's going to wonder about that time you broke up and were away in a different city.
Anyway, I don't agree with these people that say to not tell him and that it's all over with and in the past. It's true that's all in the past and over with, but you've got it on your mind. Not only that, but why doesn't your boyfriend get a say in leaving the issue in the past too? If it's REALLY done and gone and unimportant, than maybe he should be able to agree with that statement.
It just seems a little dishonest to me to continue the relationship without telling him, and eventually you're going to have to deal with it, so might as well do it now.
The only sort of situation I could imagine not telling him would be if he's already figured out that something may have happened and he's told you that he doesn't want to hear about anything that happened while you were away. In that sort of case, he's accepted that something may have happened and is just choosing not to hear the details.
2006-11-07 03:30:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell, if you plan on your relationship lasting.
There should be no secrets in a relationship that you want to work out. Chances are, it'll eventually get back to him, and then he won't be able to understand why you didn't just tell him in the first place.
It might seem like a stupid thing to do, because he might not want to be with you anymore, but you're well within your boundaries since you weren't together when this happened, and he really has no reason to be upset with you, unless he was lead to believe that you were still together for some reason.
Your fear that he might break up with you has to be overcome, and if he dumps you for sleeping with other people, when you weren't dating, perhaps you're dating the wrong person anyway.
'He asked me couple times whether i did anything with another guy and I said no because I knew it would destroy him' Dishonesty can ruin a relationship. If you care about him and about being with him, you'll tell him.
2006-11-06 17:40:45 · answer #3 · answered by kenniemcooper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No WAY don't tell him. Clearly, it didn't mean anything, so as far as you're concerned, it never happened. Telling him will only bring unnecessary hurt and pain, and he might never be able to get the image out of his head, destroying what the two of you have. Getting back together after breaking up is a super delicate, fragile process. This news would blow it to pieces.
On the flipside, some caveats to consider:
1.) If sleeping with the other guy DID mean something to you (which it really sounds like it didn't) then yes, of course you should tell him and maybe you two shouldn't be together
2.) If you and the other guy had unprotected sex and there's a chance you now have some sketchy STD or are carrying his child. You definitely MUST bring it up then. No excuses.
Otherwise, you can absolutely, positively scratch this other sexual encounter off your list altogether. Every girl gets a free pass. This is yours. Use it ;)
Good luck!
2006-11-06 17:42:28 · answer #4 · answered by SummerPixie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look, the only reason you would tell him is to get you off this guilt trip your on, it will serve no other purpose.
If your relationship was over at that time and not just 'on a break' then you were free to do what ever you want, telling him will only make him think it didn't take you long after the split before you were jumping into bed with another guy.
Only tell him if you think there is a very good chance he will find out from someone else, if not then he's better off not knowing.
2006-11-06 17:40:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No You should not tell him. Can you think of anything good that can come out of telling him? Your guilt is still going to be with you even if you tell(I really don't think you have anything to feel guilty for). What is that old saying: " What he doesn't know won't hurt him, but what he doesn't know and finds out later is going to hurt you." Tomorrow is another day. Just go on from now and forget about the past. Good Luck To You!
2006-11-06 17:45:27 · answer #6 · answered by sunshinesue_1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...well, if you're confident you'r boyfriend won't run away should you decided to tell him, do it. You'll feel bad for a while I think, and it sounds like you atill have to come to terms with what you did. I think, before you say ANYTHING about it, you have to have accepted that it happened yourself. If you think he doesn't deserve the pain, then keep it to yourself. MAybe tell him when you feel ready. Which could be a while, and it would give you both time to settle down again. Be mindful though. You WILL have to tell him eventually. You just need to decide when's the right time do to it.
2006-11-06 17:41:14 · answer #7 · answered by <*) ) )>< 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing is just to be honest with him. I did the same thing. I was with him for 3 years and split up for about a month. I dated another guy and had sex with him and then got back together. I told him right from the beginning though. It did hurt him but he got over it and realized that he was just happy that him and I were back together. What they say is true...honestly is the best policy! Good luck!
2006-11-06 17:38:02 · answer #8 · answered by Angela M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do realize that an anniversary is a yearly thing, right? You've broken up and gotten back together with him in the space of a few months and are considering calling it off again. Clearly you two aren't all that close. Just tell him the truth.
2016-05-22 06:33:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This seems to be real hard my dear.
Well,I think as you said that this guy deserves the best, you are right. But do you think he deserves the right thing through a lie?
I know how hard it can be. Because I almost face the same problem as you. Before dating my Bf, I had many guys before him, and one only with whom i had sexual affair. For one year, I've been telling him that he was the first guy to whom i have a sexual affair and he trusted to me.
As time went by, the more he said he loved the more I was feeling guilty. I asked myself if it was the right thing. This guy is the one with whom I wanna spend my life.
If you let guilt take over you, you will certainly destroy you couple. It happens to me.
After I told my Bf about what happened, He was astonished but he took my hands and said that he is for sure angry but his love for me forgave me for it. He did asked me many questions but now things are going for the best. He knows everything, he is still with me, he still loves me.
So think well, for a such relation to be built, he needs your trust as you need his.
Better you tell him.
Take care.
2006-11-06 17:48:49 · answer #10 · answered by SHA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋