My x girlfriend had a bit of a tummy, which i didnt like and she didnt take care of her appearance. When we strted going out i spoke to her about it, she put a little more effort into her appearance and made it seem like she was trying to loose some weight. I really loved this girl and felt bad about having to speak about such a delicate issue. 6 months down the line the same problem popped up. I spoke to her about it again and she said we should seperate cause we want different things, should i have kept quiet and not tried to change her???
2006-11-06 17:24:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's perfectly alright for you to not be physically attracted to her, and wish that she would make herself more attractive for you; however the second that you informed her that you were not happy with her appearance was the exact second that she realized that you did not love her unconditionally. You should have kept that info. to yourself and tried to help her lose the weight by playing a sport together or working out together so you can both be healthy. You blew it, and no matter what you do or say now, you have already made your feelings known and I guarantee you that she will never forget it. The question is...will she forgive you? It is easier to forgive, than to forget. Good luck, I'm afraid you are going to need it. Ouch!
2006-11-06 17:58:55 · answer #1 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it wasn't wise to keep at her about it. A girls weight can be a sensitive issue, especially if she is aware of it herself and she isn't happy about it either. If all she had was a bit of a tummy then it really shouldn't have bothered you all that much. If she put on 100 pounds or something then that might have been a different story. As girls get older they more often than not do put on weight around their tummy and it is hard to get rid of it. If you truly loved her, unconditionally, you would have accepted her tummy and all.
2006-11-07 01:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by pinkboopy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have taken her to places where she has to get dressed up and compliment the heck out of her. It would have made her feel good and make her want to take care of her looks. As for the tummy, you could have started a work out program with her. Ask her to walk with you or jog. Join a sport team together etc. make it into something fun and not critical on her appearance. When you tell a girl she looks bad we get defencive and think screw you I'll find someone who appreciates me.
2006-11-07 01:29:42 · answer #3 · answered by krissy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the first thing is that you knew what she looked like when you started dating. If looks are a big thing for you and you didn't like the way she looked you should have left her alone. If you love someone it should be for who they are and not what they look like, what's on the inside not outside. My point is that you knew what she looked like in the beginning so you shouldn't have asked her to changed for the fact that if you truly loved her then you would have loved her no matter what she looked like. My boyfriend has gained some weight since we've been together and he knows it, but it doesn't matter to him. I love him for the person that he is, not what he looks like, and I wouldn't ask him to change as long as he's happy with himself. Was she happy with herself? Because that's all that really matters. If you truly love her and want her back go to her and tell her you love her for simply being her. If you want to leave things as they are and stay broken up then do just that, but only take what you've learned on to other relationships you're going to have in the future.
2006-11-07 01:31:28 · answer #4 · answered by Angela M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its quite funny, normally when you meet some one you learn their habits and that what you try to change..like drinking, or fidgeting with their nails. These are things you dont normally see or know about until after a few dates. A big tummy however you knew was there. It was silly for you to get into a realtionship with someone who you knew right away had "something" wrong with them. However you could have tried to tell her she needs to lose weight for her own health reasons and not just for you. :-)
2006-11-07 02:05:06 · answer #5 · answered by chickyboo222 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. This isn't her problem, it's your problem. Obviously she knows what she wants and is aware of her flaws and doesn't need the one person she cares about to bring it up. Haven't you heard, its what's on the inside that counts. If physical appearance is what matters to you then that's what you should look for. I understand if someone is not taking care of them self and you want to see them healthy. But with girls, it's a very delicate issue bc it's their self esteem you're dealing with and there's not an easy way to bring it up.
2006-11-07 01:30:52 · answer #6 · answered by ashstrom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First as long a you were nice about bringing up her tummy its ok as she can bring up things she might not like about you and pretty much you decide if you like being with her more or less then her tummy. When she said you should seperate you could say im sorry it doesnt bother me that much or if not say i think that will be best
2006-11-07 01:37:35 · answer #7 · answered by kingpin420420 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from the start, you shouldn't have told her that. actually you can tell her, but you can't force to change her. if you love her, you should accept all of her, including her imperfections i'm sure you also have some imperfections, but did she tried to change you? hope not. love your girlfriend for what she is. say sorry because you tried to change her. good luck. hope that helped.
2006-11-07 01:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by twenty_four 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are looking for a shaply woman and that is what matters most to you look for that. Don't find a woman and try to change her to your liking.
2006-11-07 01:29:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first and fore most..... THE MOST SENSITIVE SUBJECT TO A WOMAN IS HER WEIGHT..... Sorry it bothered you to the point that you had to mention it to her.... You can never change someoone... Don't even try.
2006-11-07 01:27:08 · answer #10 · answered by Q'S & A'S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋