my relationship is serious- 2 years now... but i have some secrets that im really ashamed of... my shrink says its in my past and he has nothing to do with him... but aren't couples supposed to tell each other EVERYTHING? or am i safe with my secret
2006-11-06 16:58:36 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think everyone has untold secrets. I wouldn't tell him unless he specifically asked. Then I would not lie to him. I am sure he has secrets and they should be kept that way. Your shrink is right in saying the past is the past and has nothing to do with him.
2006-11-06 17:02:08 · answer #1 · answered by ru.barbie2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you tell something that (1) is in your past; (2) is something you're ashamed of; (3) is something your shrink says to forget; and (4) may wreck your relationships? Are you setting yourself up for failure or what? Enjoy NOW and forget THEN. Your boyfriend is not dating the OLD you. If he likes you as you are, STAY as you are and forget dragging the past luggage around with you, or throwing it in his lap. Throw the secrets in a closet, lock them in, toss the key away, and MOVE ON. They are no longer a part of you and bringing them back into your life does nobody any good.
2006-11-07 01:05:03 · answer #2 · answered by Rainfog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel you should tell him, then do. But in my personal experience don't bother. Most guys seem very jealous. When I told my boyfriend of some experiences he got really mad, and other times he teased me. I think it is his way of dealing with the fact that he can't be the one and only person I have been with. Which is what most guys like to think. Though don't lie to him. If he asks you a specific question tell the truth, but don't go in to detail. If he knows the people don't give names. In situations like this I think the less you tell the better. Same in the reverse the less you know the better. Jealousy is a bad thing and thinking of the one you love with someone else is not easy. Good luck to you.
2006-11-07 01:05:54 · answer #3 · answered by Emily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your shrink's advice. Don't tell him. And no, couples don't have to tell each other everything. Some things are better left unsaid. If it's not going to enrich the relationship, don't say anything. Trust me. Telling too much can sometimes cause more pain than it's worth.
2006-11-07 01:39:02 · answer #4 · answered by Mmmmm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tend to tell my boyfriend everything, and usually that ends up being too much. He often would rather me keep some things to myself if they dont really add anything positive to the relationship. I know the feeling though, like you want to tell him everything. But unless you dont think you can overcome it, or you feel he ought to know, just let the past stay in the past and move onto today and tomorrow. Good luck!
2006-11-07 01:05:29 · answer #5 · answered by ophierose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The past is behind you. As long as you are STD free you do not have disclose any sexual info other than that.
I have been married 6 yrs now and I have my secrets in the past. They don't hurt anyone, and does not hinder my marriage.
If your secret includes a FELONY, fess up.
2006-11-07 01:14:37 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, do not tell him. The past is the past, and if you are not going to repeat what you did in the past, you should just keep it to yourself. Men don't really understand . He will just not look at you the same way again, it will make the relationship worse, not better.
2006-11-07 01:02:53 · answer #7 · answered by Marti M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dishonesty is a bitter turn-off. If you lie about your past and he eventually comes to learn the truth, it could be devastating to the relationship. To find out you've been lied to is like rolling over and finding a knife in your back.
I would think that if he really loves you, your past life shouldn't bother him. He may even find you more sexy because of it. As long as the past is in the past, it should be of no concern to him.
2006-11-07 01:14:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would say that you have no reason to fret because, and only because, I don't see him asking you directly, "Have any dirty secrets I should know about?". If its two years now, I think he really loves how you are and doesn't mind if you have any "dirty" secrets, he might even be aroused by them!
2006-11-07 01:01:31 · answer #9 · answered by wizard of stealth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if you are totally sure that it will stay in your past and not pop up to bite you in the butt, then leave it there. However, keeping in mind that if there is a doubt,better your BF hears it from you rather than from someone from your past.
2006-11-07 01:02:21 · answer #10 · answered by nidan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋