A guy I can't get over was here for a few months working. When he went home to Canada, we kept in touch but didn't say much beyond "how's life." I missed him more and more. Finally I wrote him a letter telling him how I really felt about him (short of saying I LOVE YOU). He never answered and stopped writing. Then he came back a year later (for five days, for work) and called out of the blue. We got together twice. He seemed happy to be with me, but I didn't bring up the letter or ask why he ignored it. I also didn't sleep with him this time. He acted a bit distant and weird before leaving again, said he was trying to get assigned back here again "someday," and then when he went to hug me goodbye he was trembling. That was six months ago, and I haven't heard from him still. Am I crazy to keep hoping? I've never been in love before him, doubt if I will feel this way for anyone else. We're both 30. I know through a mutual friend that he hasn't had a girlfriend since we met. Help!
2006-11-06 16:32:02 · 4 answers · asked by BeenThereDoneThat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Maybe you acted too cool in the beginning, and then confused him by gushing your deep feelings later, after he was long gone. Maybe you're afraid of love yourself, and felt safer reaching out to him in writing when he was in another country. Im assuming you're in Oz? Canada is a long way away. Get on with your life and keep busy, but keep in touch with him now and then. If he ever does come back for an extended period of time, see if you can make a go of it honestly and openly. But if you want to get married and have kids, you can't waste your thirties holding out for someone who may never come back to you.
2006-11-07 05:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by BigCityGirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, yes, you're crazy for holding hope for this guy.
He's not interested in a relationship, he wants you as his booty call. You were the booty call once, he tried his luck again and you didn't sleep with him a second time. He disappears off the face of the Earth. I don't think you need anyone to tell you what that means.
About the trembling: How much coffee did he drink? Was he just excited because he thought he was going to get lucky again? Maybe he was trembling with rage that you weren't going to sleep with him again. Maybe he was tired, my muscles tremble when I'm tired or after a good workout.
The comment about "someday" being reassigned there was a last ditch attempt at getting laid again as far as I'm concerned. He's trying to give you hope so he can try getting down your pants next time he's in town.
Conclusion: Suck it up and move on. A guy who's honestly into you would have called right away after he got that near "I love you" confession. He would have shown somehow that he felt the same way. This guy didn't. He ignored you. I don't buy the "oh, I'm too scared" business, it's a load of crap. He only got in touch with you because he thought he'd get lucky again. He acted weird because you didn't give him what he came for. Unless you just want a fling, drop him.
2006-11-07 00:50:06 · answer #2 · answered by Mmmmm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there, I would use caution. He obviously likes you as one of his "buds" or "mates". It looks to me he is not interested in taking it further. When men are interested, they take the initiative and make it clear. You may have a young new gay male friend in this person. The symptoms look the same as a young gay guy who wanted to start clinging to me when I was your age. Gay men are no different from straight men in that they find women fascinating and are drawn to our nurturing characteristics and kind energy. The only differences is one likes a pole, the other likes a hole. Hate to be blunt, but they're all the same. This guy is not interested in you "like that", and though I understand how you felt and why you wrote the letter, you were wise not to say you loved him. He read between the lines, however. He's sorting out his feelings with you and using you as a gay man's emotional practice partner. One day he'll use what he's learned with an attractive boyfriend and you'll be left with nothing but cruel sneers from boyfriend in question - "thanks girlfriend". Suck up your pride and start distancing yourself from this one; he looks from here to have fangs. If he gradually starts becoming more forward and sexual with you, back off and let him do the pursuing, and make sure he's truly heterosexual before opening your feelings to him. That "he stopped writing" thing speaks volumes. Take it from a woman who's been there: this bodes nothing but trouble. It's going to be hard, but my advice would be cut him off, get some emotional distance from him, spin it like he's interested in more than friends and you no longer are, and get into someone else.
If he truly is interested, and is straight but shy, his loss. Men court women; not the other way around. Each of you tested the opposite and lost. Chalk it up to experience and preserve your self esteem. Love is war.
2006-11-07 00:39:28 · answer #3 · answered by Heather M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT REALLY SOUND IIKE HE MAY HAVE SOME THINGS THAT
HE NEED TO WORK OUT IN HIS LIFE. BUT DONT LET
THIS STOP YOU FROM LIVING YOUR LIFE. HE KNOW HOW
YOU FEEL, SO JUST TAKE THIS FOR WHAT IT WORTH
AND MOVE ON. AND TRUST ME YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN
JUST GIVE IT TIME.
2006-11-07 00:37:47 · answer #4 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋