just found out 2 days ago an my mind is blown.i was so upset I've never lost my cool like I did when she told me yea,and I'm sorry.It's been so quiet around here since I found out.I feel like a BIG part of me has died.all I've been doing is crying.she won't come out of her room,to talk to me she's 17.damn I Love HER AND ALL I WANTED IS TO PROTECT HER.We've always has an open relationship,,,where did i go wrong ???????
2006-11-06 15:59:58 · 33 answers · asked by hl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
maybe she just needs to be reminded about the sanctity of sex and the risks of having sex at such a young age. i think it's good that she told you - that shows that you still have an open relationship and she cares about your opinions.
2006-11-06 16:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by mighty_power7 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i am sure that you are very upset but did you think to talk to her about this to ask her if she was alright. she is probably ashamed that you found out and is having a hard time coming to you about any ?s that she might have . it has already happened so put that part behind you and just talk to her and tell her that if she has any ?s that she can always come to you, that way she will not feel like you are beating her up about a choice that she made rather that coming to you in the future. just think back when you first had sex she can't be that different sex is sex and it usually happens when it is not welcome for the first time. i was almost 19 when i first did it was prom and when i got home my mom didn't say anything to me that night but the next day she said that she knew as soon as i walked in the door. i am 31 now and have always been close to my mom because she always talk to me and i could go to her anytime for anything and knew that she was on my side. so even though your and your girl are fighting or not talking doesn't mean that she still needs and wants to be able to talk to you. but not if she has to defend herself. hope that helps, i really wish every girl could have a mom like mine it is the best feeling to know that no matter what you do she is still there when you need a mom or friend good luck
2006-11-06 16:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old were you, the first time? By the way, if all you wanted to do was protect her, you should have discussed sex with her a long time ago and taught her how to protect herself. Hopefully, she did. You act as if her having sex was the ruin of your life. Being a little selfish, aren't you? It is her life and all you can do is try to help her through it.
There is a difference between protecting and confining. You ought to be thankful she didn't start at 13. Had you planned on keeping her locked up until she turned 30, or what?
No wonder she won't come out of her room to talk to you. How the hell do you expect anyone to talk to you when you are being hysterical? Get a grip.
2006-11-06 16:07:59 · answer #3 · answered by GORDO BLAKHART 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just needs some time. Let things cool off a little bit. Not sure if you've had the safe sex talk yet, but now is as good of a time as any. Talk to her about birth control and condoms. You may be disappointed in her, but I have some friends who have daughters that lost their virginity when they were 14. Apologize for losing your cool and whatever you do don't talk to her about the actual event. Just make sure she knows how to be safe. It sounds like she had sex before the two of you had the talk and that you're worried about all the things that go along with being sexually active.
2006-11-06 16:07:09 · answer #4 · answered by jmethod81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't do anything wrong,she is growing up and your finding it hard to accept.It was going to happen sooner or later and you can't stop her from growing up.She may be your baby,but she's not a baby anymore.Accept it and move on.How old were you when you had sex for the first time? Close to her age weren't you?And it's happening everyday.The world is changing daily,keep up with the changes.Now I'M not saying what she did was right,but it's no reason to lose your mind over it.Now that she has,teach her to respect her self,make sure she's not pregnant,continue to teach her that having sex is a big responsibility and the one thing she doesn't want or need right now is a child,then trust her to do the right thing.
2006-11-06 16:11:07 · answer #5 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not been bless to have children but I think that's something that just takes a lot of time I haven't cope with my little sis losing her virginity yet so I can't imagine how you feel all you can do is hope you raised her right and that's she's protecting herself and her heart try talking to her calmly and tell her how you feel and you just want the best for her I never listened at the time when my parents did but I always regretted when things blew up in my face Good luck to you both and God Bless
2006-11-06 16:06:48 · answer #6 · answered by Young and Wise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember your baby girl is growing up. Now all you can do is help her to make the right decisions... going on the pill or some other form of birth control. Be supportive of her to a point... setting a curfew, some ground rules for the household and what is allowed and not allowed. But you also have to realize that it will and can happen anywhere. Best thing to do is say I'm sorry and that you only want the best for her. You did nothing wrong.
2006-11-06 16:04:22 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mom to Mom-you didn't go wrong.
She is almost an adult and old enough to make some decisions for herself. Her decision to TELL you that she had sex is a testament to the good foundation of your mother/daughter relationship.
When as parents we try to keep our children-CHILDREN because we love them we do them a disservice.
The world can be a big bad place and parents are the last line of defense. When we try to instill our values to our children we need to give them reasons for those values.
By freaking out and losing your cool you have damaged your daughters trust in your relationship. You may disagree with your daughters choices but you have to make sure she knows you still love her and you ALWAYS will no matter what.
The horse is already out of the barn so take her to the doctor and get her tested and give her INFORMATION so she can make better choices. Her having sex is NOT the end of the world-it may seem like it to you-but in the grand scheme of things-it really isn't.
Advise her that you are against her having sex but make sure she knows that if she does choose to continue to be sexually active she needs to be a "grown-up" and use what is available so she will be safe and responsible for her sexual health.
I have a 16 yr old son and I do empathize.
Sex is better reserved for your spouse but in todays world that is unrealistic.
In 2005, 47% of high school students (grades 9-12) reported ever having had sexual intercourse, down from 54% in 1991.
http://www.teenpregnancy.org/resources/reading/fact_sheets/genfacts.asp
My thoughts are with you and I wish you luck in picking up the pieces
2006-11-06 16:25:38 · answer #8 · answered by rwl_is_taken 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did not go wrong-this was her decision. What's done is done. Start talking calmly-no judgments,no drama,no why did you do this,etc. The main thing now is to get her on birth control-quick.She is almost 18, has already given in, so it's too late to think that wll encourage her-love her enough to make sure she is protected, even against herself.Discuss diseases,etc too. Look them up together on the computer. Use this to draw closer to her on a different level. She is close to adulthood-make sure you are the one she turns to.The past is over-start looking at the future with her.She TOLD you. She is not a sneak.This is a good kid.
2006-11-06 16:09:17 · answer #9 · answered by life coach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is nothing u can u do when ur daughter decides she is ready to have sex. The decision is completely hers and hers alone. U have to trust u and the school has taught her enough about safe sex, and that she practices it. All u can do is love her no matter what and accept the fact that she is growing up. I bet ur parents weren't happy when they found out u had sex for the first time. It is one of those things that u know will happen eventually but are never prepared to hear about it when it does.
2006-11-06 16:04:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she waited until she was 17 ? count urself lucky.. I know that sounds strange and all, but just think about it... look how many girls a lot younger have sex and are soooo unprepared for it.. and she is a legal adult... why should you feel as if you went wrong in any way ? sounds like you did more than a good job of raising her to me... as parents we make plans for our children from the time they are born, unrealistic plans I might add... they are NOT us, they will live their own lives at a certain point, all we can do is set the foundation and pray that at least 20 % of what we taught them will guide them.. so do NOT be so hard on yourself or on her... do not shut the communication train down now, you have done GREAT up till now, so keep it up.... she still needs you to take her the rest of the way........ God bless
2006-11-06 16:08:19 · answer #11 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋