his kids are 20 and 18 they wont except me at all ,but they easily excepted their mothers knew husband.his ex sent word 3 yrs ago when we 1st dated that her kids would never except me and they hate me ive always been respectful to her and them and we are married now 1 yr and they have made it clear my son and i arent good enough to except.they are nasty to my son and me, i dont know what to do sometimes i want to blow up and tell them what selfesh little, spoiled rotten ,ugly brats they are.for 1 yr they wouldnt even have anything to do with there father because he was with me.any help out there....any advice is welcome,please be nice..we started dating 1 yr after his divorce.the son 20 said he wants me gone that me being dead would be good for him.
2006-11-06 15:58:08 · 10 answers · asked by susan w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My mom died when I was a teen and my dad married another woman about two years later. I didn't like her, nor did my brothers and sisters. We ignored her, disobeyed her, and were even outright mean sometimes. My poor father was stuck in the middle, but one night, he had had enough. He sent my stepmom out shopping and then he gathered us kids (aged 14-18) and said, "Listen up. You are all going to grow up and leave and have your own families soon. I don't like being by myself. I love your stepmother and she is my wife and she will be here long after you've moved out. So if you force me to choose between you and her, I am choosing HER! I will not allow you to hurt my wife, try to wreck my marriage, or destroy my future happiness. She is my companion of choice and if you love me and want me happy after you're gone, you will honor and respect me and my wife." That's all he ever had to say - we straightened right up and years later, as we grew more mature, we learned to love and accept our stepmother and became very close.
Part of the reason the stepkids may dislike you is because they are bitter about their parent's divorce and they can't take it on on THEM, so you are the scapegoat. Hang in there and have your hubby say something to them like my dad did, and hope it works! If all else fails, be nice to the stepkids, ignore it when they are snots, and be happy with your husband regardless of what the rude people around you do. They'll only continue being jerks if they know it bothers you, so don't let it!
2006-11-06 16:25:02 · answer #1 · answered by Rainfog 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you ought to know is that young people at that age can be very mean and wil definitely take advantage if they know their attitude upsets you. I think the reason why they get along with their stepfather is because he's a man and not so easy to intimidate than a women. I don't know how old you are, but if you're much younger than their mother, it could also be a reason for their resentment.
Whatever the case, as long as you pay attention to their nasty behaviour they will go on making your life miserable. With your husband's support you should change your tactic completely. In stead of trying to win them over, next time they're rude or threatening to you, tell them very calm but very firm that you love their father and for his sake you had hoped that they would accept you, but seeing that that is not the case, you want them to know that nothing they'll do will make you leave their father. So either they must accept this or go to hell! Be adamant and demand the respect you deserve and if they don't budge, tell them to stay the hell out of you and your husband's lives. I can assure you in future they will think twice before harassing you again! There's no need for you to be unhappy because of those two brats!
2006-11-07 00:32:45 · answer #2 · answered by ina W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some how these kids got the message that Dad was to blame for all the problems that caused the divorce... and they wanted Dad, either councuously or sub-counciously to suffer just a tad, while wanting Mom happy.. some how kids got the notion that a step dad is less of a threat than a new step mom... maybe because of the step mom fairy tales growing up ?? who knows !!! but, if they are adults then they need to act like it and be talked to like it.. You first need to talk to Dad about all this and come up with a plan of action for talking to these 2 ADULT children.. Dad needs to understand that the 2 of you need to stick together.. sit down with kids, you and hubby, explain to kids that you are there to stay, invite them to be part of the family, but even it they dont wish to do so, that you and dad are still going to be married and plane to stay that way... ask them what the difference is in Mom being happy and Dad being happy ? if nothing else this will give them pause to stop and think... God bless
2006-11-07 00:37:16 · answer #3 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what a lovely family. Your husband needs to law down the law. If he won't, you'll just have to limit your time with them. This is why 75% of all second marriages with kids end in divorce. It's no Brady Bunch. There are probably some good books on "blended families" you can read.
2006-11-07 00:15:50 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
chances are their mother is putting things in their head. has your husband sat down and taked to them ? kids go through a lot during divorce and they may have lived with the hope that their parents would get back together and when it didnt happen this pissed them off. If there was some way for you to show them you want to be their friend and not replace their mother this couold help. you really need the supprt of your husband though before anything good can come of it. good luck i wish you the best.
2006-11-07 00:04:08 · answer #5 · answered by brookesingsalways 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel that your husband should intervene here. He should really take the time to let them know just how important you and your son are to him and that you're a part of his life. These brats need to be mature about this and accept you, maybe not as a friend but as the woman that their father loves. Good luck...
2006-11-07 00:04:07 · answer #6 · answered by jackie_jackie_bo_backie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands kids are adults. Since they are so nasty towards you I wouldn't have anything to do with them,ignore them,stay away from them. You don't need to subject yourself to the nonsense. This is just my opinion and what I would do. Good luck with what ever you choose to do.
2006-11-07 03:06:59 · answer #7 · answered by Deerrunner 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really want to live with your husband then forget all the misbehavior of the children .And you have to realize them that you love and cares for them.
2006-11-07 00:04:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man...! typical stepchildren story. Just ignore them and live your life with your son if you stil love you husband.
They are just sick kids thats all from a broken family and trying to blame you for everything instead of their sickening parent!
Poor you!!!
2006-11-07 00:03:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seek professional help. Get them to express there true feelings to someone.
2006-11-07 00:02:24 · answer #10 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋