What do you do when your supervisor attacks your self-esteem?

Question

My supervisor, asked if I was "packing on the pounds?" She is a woman and as a woman myself I just know that, that is not a question you ask a woman or anyone for that matter. Now this woman and myself are not close by any means, just co-workers, if you can even call it that. in the past she has been rude, but this is the first that it has bothered me I feel like she is attacking my self esteem. Should I say something?

Answer 1

Say something to who? Her boss? Better to let it slide I think.

In the end, nobody can hurt us without our permission. If her comment hurt you it is because you let it. If someone said that to me, I'd laugh. It is only rude if you decide to take it that way. How she behaves has nothing to do with you. It is purely a reflection of her.

Best of luck!

Answer 2

Your supervisor is not a co-worker she is your supervisor, having said that she has overstepped the work ethics bounderies. You should tell her to keep conversation limited to the business at hand, she is attacking and that is not considered a good mark on a supervisor.

You could say don't look now but your unethical part is showing. Your self esteem is yours and only you can highten or lower it, you know what kind of worker you are, and this is the only thing your supervisor should be concerned with, this is her job.

Check your companies policies regarding supervisor expected behavior and if she is in violation of these, speak up, its not right and she will continue if she can get away with it. Good luck, I hate it when women get after each other that way, it is difficult to work for women bosses, I have had many people tell me this and it is so true, somehow they always start off right but as soon as they feel threatened,usually occurs if the supervisor is young not many years of experience as supervisor they will take it out on their staff.

Hope you have a better day.

Answer 3

I have been a Supervisor for many years and I cannot imagine why a person with authority would make such a comment.

Are you in a job that physical appearance was part of the job discription prior to employment?

Has she been recently promoted, so she has not gone through any sensitivity training?

If the above answers are no then some boundries of what is proper and not proper should be established.
Be polite and respectful, but assertive and let her know that you do not appreciate comments like that.

Be the person that takes the highroad in this matter, look for the positive in her and you may get positve results back.

Keep up the good work.

Answer 4

When I was employed, a senior staff kept calling me and my friend "doing nothing" or "doesn;t want to work" and we never told any HR about. One day the boss was upset because this senior staff didn't put away something he should put away so that others can use the place, and guess what, he reported the boss to the HR!
I guess it depends on the HR in your place, can they really take care of the matters or it will only end up making things worse with your supervisor.
My supervisor once said that if I made things difficult for him, he could make things difficult for me. At the time he made a mistake with my paycheck and when I asked him, he said he didn't. So I went to his boss and guess what, things get even worse between me and the supervisor.
I hope things are better where you work now. Now I have my own business. Good luck with your job.

Answer 5

You have two options. Talk to her about it or not. Either way, you should DEFINITELY keep a very detailed written record of any inappropriate comments or actions that she makes towards you. Write down the date, time, location, what happened and who witnessed the event. This will be VERY valuable if you have to go to court (for example, if the harassment escalates and affects your mental health).

If you want to talk to her, wait until she makes an offensive comment again. Keep a totally neutral face and say, "I don't think that type of comment is appropriate for the workplace." She'll get the idea that you take things seriously, but you won't give her reason to flip-out. She might try to make like you're being overly serious and she was just joking, in which case KEEP your neutral face and just go back to work. If she's looking for a reaction, she'll figure out she won't get it from you.

Answer 6

You just said it, now say it to her. You will never change anyone's behavior. All you can do is assert and empower yourself by taking charge of how you choose to feel. Stating to your supervisor what you just said above about how it makes you feel, will usually stop them from putting you down. They usually become speechless because no one has confronted them before. You will come out the winner everytime you do this because you know you have done all you can to preserve your self-esteem and get your emotional needs met. Besides, she may not know how much this hurts you and it may not be intentional on her part. Talk to her with your head up, direct eye contact and professional attitude. This will show you mean it and she will take you seriously.

Answer 7

Tell her kindly that you don't think it is professional to make a comment like that about a co-worker or just say something like, "Actually, we BOTH look like we are packing on the pounds." <--say it even if you don't mean it. She'll feel what it's like to be told that. haha.

Or just privately tell her that you feel as if she is being unprofessional with you and is attacking your self esteem. Tell her with all due respect you would appreciate it if she would stop making comments like that.

Answer 8

Sounds like she has a self esteem problem of her own? But since she is a superior you can either have a chat with HER higher up or laugh the remarks off. Maybe if she sees they don't bother you, she will lay off? Next time she asks about you gaining weight, say something like as a matter of fact I LOST a few pounds!

Answer 9

I guess you could ask her why she would say something so hurtful to someone. Maybe she will apologize.
If she has been rude before, possibly she is tactless and try to ignore it.
Another possibility is she is trying to drive you away. If she treats everyone badly, then she may just have a mean personality.
You might want to request a transfer to get a nicer working situation.

Answer 10

I know it's easier said then done. This is a place were you work to derive the income to support your family. Please do not let your boss or anyone else that you work with make you feel bad about your looks your life style etc......... Don't say anything to her because it may cause you to have problems that you don't want. Somethings are just better left a lone. Feel good about yourself and who you are. You can not allow someone that has nothing to do with your personal life or social life to have any affect on you. You don't sleep with them or eat with them they don't pay your bills. so what ever they think is not important.