I need a few good jokes again! I rate all my answers! Please do the same!?
Id appreciate if you rated my question and others jokes..I need to find an awesome one. Please have some manors, I WILL rate every answer according to how I feel about them...Thumbs down if you dont give me what I need and answer anyway...No thumbs if I dont like the joke...Definit thumbs up if I like or love it! The best will get my over all choice, I use your opinion (thumbs) to deside! Thank you!!!
I have a few other open questions like this, I WILL go back and rate for the rest of the evening...On my first question about jokes, there is a joke about the CIA, I still cant handle reading it, it was too funny..would love it if you would take a peak at it, it will make your day women! Dont worry guys, you will like it too! Thank you, oh, take your time, I need gooood jokes! TYTY!
2006-11-06 14:04:14 · 10 answers · asked by Stacie 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
2006-11-06 14:09:43 · answer #1 · answered by kitten6444 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
back in the day...about 150 or so years ago...At a small county fair, there was a man in the company of an Indian being acclaimed to have the best memory in the world. A city slicker paid the hawker a nickel to ask the indian a question. The city slicker asked the Indian "On May the 18th what did you have for breakfast?"
The indian replied "Eggs."
The city slicker smirked and walked away.
The next year - again at the county fair, the city slicker walked into a saloon and happened to pass the very same indian who he had asked a question for a nickel. Not recognizing the indian and just to be a smarta-ss the city slicker says to the indian, "How!"
The Indian calmly replied "Fried."
2006-11-06 22:42:18 · answer #2 · answered by simplycreative_2115 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One place to look is Comedy Central .com. They have alot of jokes. I will look at your suggestions and rate the best I can. Safe Sex: Grandparent to Teen
A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.
Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."
Drunk Driver
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
''I can't do that, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.''
''Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.''
''Alright, we could get a blood sample.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.''
''Fine then, just walk this white line.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm drunk.''
2006-11-06 22:18:46 · answer #3 · answered by doris_38133 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Little Timmy has been in hospital with a badly broken leg. He is getting ready to get out of the hospital. The doctor walks into Little Timmy's room and asks him "Little Timmy, what are you going to do once you get out of here?" Little Timmy replies: "I am going to buy a box of Tampax." The doctor, more than a little surprised, asks him "Why?" And Little Timmy says "Well, I saw them on T.V. and the ad said that with Tampax, you could bike, swim, run, and do just about anything that you want!"
2006-11-06 22:35:19 · answer #4 · answered by Asterisk_Love♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahahhaha okay this is REALLY cheesy... but one day a snail got a car and painted an "s" on the side ans he loved and admired his car! so when he went down the street people shouted "HEY! LOOK AT THAT S CAR GO!" (s car go=escargo)
haha okay heres another--
why did the chicken cross the road?
because he got a new pair of sneakers :D
2006-11-06 22:07:17 · answer #5 · answered by Guacamole!!! 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
what do you call a cow with a twitch?
a. beef jerky.
what do you call a smart blonde?
a. golden retriever - (no offense to blondes - it's just a joke)
what do you do if your husband is flailing and kicking?
a. hold the pillow down tighter.
2006-11-06 22:24:14 · answer #6 · answered by freakinout1225 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Man 1 : Hey man, what's up?
Man 2 : Hey buddy! I just bought this very expensive hearing aid, I'm not deaf anymore!
Man 1 : Really? How much was it?
Man 2 : Just yesterday.
hahaha!!
2006-11-07 08:17:01 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well Stacy, I'll tell you what. If you go to these sites you will find lots of jokes and riddles.
http://jokes.christiansunite.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokepier.com/index.php
http://iteslj.org/c/jokes.html
http://www.ahajokes.com/funny_jokes.html
http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/
http://jokes.comedycentral.com/joke_of_day.aspx?adjustDate=1
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.jokesgalore.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/bar.htm
http://www.jokes2go.com/jtoday.html
2006-11-07 07:06:23 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if ur a racist:
Q) 5 blacks sell there watermelon farm, use the cash to buy a catelac. they are driving, the breaks give out, and they fall off a cliff and die.
What is the worst thing about this story?
A) Catelac's seat 6
if ur not a racist:
Q) 3 tampons are walking down the street. An old lady walks by, and drops all her packages. How do the tampons help her?
A) They don't, because their all stuck up *****
2006-11-06 22:09:27 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
an indian is sitting at the bar talking to a condom salesman....he says he wants to be with his squaw but has too many children....so the condom salesman gives him a condom and explains how to use it.....next day at the bar the salesman asks how it worked.....the indian says right nut go uhhh left nut go uhhh and condom go cablooey....so he gives him a super duty condom and the indian goes home to try it....next day at the bar he tells the salesman the same story...right nut uhh left nut uhhh condom cablooey...so the salesman gets his briefcase and takes out the super super duty bullet proof version of his condom...next day the indian comes limping into the bar and the salesman asks him what happened....the indian says right nut goes uhhhh condom goes uhhhh....left nut goes cablooey
2006-11-06 22:13:24 · answer #10 · answered by freezerburn 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋