if ur dream girl(and current gf) was molested about a year ago and she went through counsling, would you expect her to have had sex with you after 9 month of being together??
On the anniversary when she feels most vulnrable(sp?) would you let her cry/talk about it?? How would you comfort her??
Would you let her sleep(not sex) with you for comfort??(ie- fear of being alone.)
How would you and her spend this day??
All answers appreciated. Thanx!!
2006-11-06 14:03:33 · 5 answers · asked by Makoa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Would you treat her nicely and gain her trust at the begining?? Or would you use her like some1 else??
2006-11-06 14:05:50 · update #1
first of all i wouldn't have sex with her until after marriage
and as for the comforting thing i would just be supportive and let her handle it however she wants to
if she wants to cry let her and just be understanding
really don't even bring it up unless she does
2006-11-06 14:07:56 · answer #1 · answered by coolpotatoeslive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a hell of a lot slower than some guys, so this doesn't apply to everyone
Personally, though, I wouldn't expect to have sex with you after 9 months. I would be a shoulder to cry on. I would spend the day with you, and I would stay up all night while you rest your head on my chest... if you want. The day would be spent in our favorite place having some fun.
2006-11-06 22:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by pat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most guys want sex. it's just a fact. depending on the guy and how much he likes you, it could be an issue or a non-issue. if you explain to him that you're thinking about this previous vague molestation, he will give you the comfort you need... and that's by no means erotic... he won't be looking for sex if he's comforting you. depending on how you guys interact, the day could be cuddling, watching movies, talking... something low-key and intimate... or a day out, something distracting to make you cheer up. again, depends on the guy. in the most non-twisted way possible when referring to a horrible anniversary... have fun.
2006-11-06 22:10:01 · answer #3 · answered by DracBoi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak to your specific situation, but I do have a similar one. My wife was molested as a child, but didn't start remembering it until shortly before we got married. Making our sex life work required a lot of understanding on my part, but I was willing to make the necessary sacrifices.
That said, there were some things that I demanded from her, too. The foremost of which was not sex -- it was a promise that she would make a good faith effort to deal with her issues instead of using them as an excuse to withhold sex or otherwise punish me (who had nothing to do with the problem). While your bf needs to be understanding, it's important that you realize that he isn't the one who hurt you, so there's no good reason that he should be made to suffer for it. Resist the temptation to take it out on him (if you don't feel that now, you probably will in the future). A good man will be understanding of your pain and is willing to nurture you when needed, but that's not the same thing as hanging around for abuse or neglect.
The key here is mutuality. He needs to be understanding of your needs, but it's just as important for you to be understanding of his. He needs to be patient and wait until you're ready, but you need to let him know, in no uncertain terms, without hinting or equivocating, that he won't have to wait forever.
2006-11-06 22:14:12 · answer #4 · answered by D'archangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the crap? Use her? Why would you even CONSIDER doing that?? Comfort her, damn it!! Be there for her.
Hey, I really think you shouldn't even be THINKING about sex. Especially when she has been molested for crying out loud.... comfort her in this time of need.
And honestly, I've also been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we're not having sex till the day we're married... I haven't been molested....
2006-11-06 22:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋