Is it bad to hate your step children secretly?

Question

I am not mean or unfair I just cant stand the little ogres.

Answer 1

I don't hate them but I have to admit that my stepchildren are a big source of stress in mine and my husbands relationship(with baby mama drama involved too though). The ex-wife uses access to the children in her schemes to control his life still and pull his strings. It causes a lot of arguments cause she demands to be able to have contact with him at a whim like they are still married. Sometimes I do wonder how much easier/better our lives would be if they just never happened.

Answer 2

I know how you feel. Ihave a 8 yr old step son and 12 (going on 18) yr old stepdaughter and 2 little girls of my own. The boy and I actually get along GREAT, we are close, but it did take 3 years. My stepdaughter, she's another story. In the first place Idon't agree with either of my husband's or his ex's discipline techniques, which is nil. We have them every other week and my husband doesn't like to discipline because of that old "divorce guilt", he doesn't admit it but I can tell. The girl back talks and is totally disrespectful to her father, but at the same time it's because he allows it. She also has no respect for the house, she pretty much trashes it when she is here, which is my biggest problem. I always do major cleaning after they leave. She has come right out and said she wants to drop out of school and she is only in 7th grade!!!! But both her parent's allow this kind of attitude. How do I deal with it? I tell myself I have tried my best but I really have no control over the situation,and I am just there for her if she wants to come to me.

Answer 3

It isn't uncommon. I don't even like my sons girlfriend!

If your step children are being shared by your husband and his x, it is not bad! Your husband had something to do with them so, Heads up!

If the step children were his before you were married, learn to accept there faults, you know where they got them and if you plan on adding to the group, the way you feel about the step children should be brought to every ones attention, Now!

Make it obvious, what behavior, from your all your kids, you expect.

Don't be pushy, as long as they know what Mom expects, It will be easier, when you occasionally correct them!

Be willing to accept your step children. You want your kids, weather they are truly yours or they came with the marriage, to see you as dependable and unchanging. If they see you allowing the step kids to do one thing, they aren't going to understand why you expect different from them! Then they'll all be little ogres!

But , what is by far more important than putting your foot down, is putting your feet down in concert with the father!

If he doesn't agree or meet you half way at least, there's a good chance you'll only alienate yourself from your kids and you want to wait until they are older. ;)

Tell yourself," It's not the step-children, but there upbringing that I hate!", while your counting sheep!

Answer 4

It's natural to not immediately have maternal instincts or love for your stepchildren. I know you don't feel that way all the time becasue I've been there as well.

I applaud you for being honest with your feelings. Blended families are very, very difficult. Hang in there.

Just remind yourself that they are innocent children in an equally tough situation. Continue to be nice and fair with them. Some day they may realize what a sacrifice you made for them.

Answer 5

HATE is a very strong word. It's okay to dislike them. There isn't a rule that says that you must love your step children, but as a step-child myself, I think that you should at least TRY to like them. If it's not possible, then it's not possible, but at least you can say that you tried! Good luck with your situation.

Answer 6

Hate is a very strong word. Give them a chance. So depending on their age, the fact that you have taken their mom's place so to speak, they are probably having a hard time here. You are the adult in this situation and hopefully you can work this out. After all if they are quite young you could be in this for a long haul. And how do you think your hubby will like it if he knows that you hate his kids? Good luck anyway!

Answer 7

I am from a split family, i married into a split family, and now I am divorced from a split family!!!

When I was a child, My stepmother was driving a stake between My Father and me, creating boundaries that at the time seemed unsurmountable to me.

I hated her , and my father at the time.
I hated him because he seemed to support her, which was so foriegn to me because before her, it was all about my mom.

I grew up and realized I needed to overcome anything my stepmother said to be able to have a relationship with Dad.

I felt she was jealous of the relationship between My father and I.
I think she thought she did a better job than my mom and she thought she knew better.

In a childs eye, a mom is a mom and to that child, it doesnt matter who does the better job.

With this said, make room for their feelings, and pick your battles.

Because your husband has children from another marriage, it is not a challenge to you to be their mom,(this is important for your sanity) they have one already. It is an opportunity for you to be a friend. And that is all.

I hope your husband does not expect you to be these childrens mom, it will never happen.

Be a friend, not their Mom. The rewards comes after that.

Please keep in mind that these kids didnt ask for you and your husband to be together, so make the best of it.

Answer 8

Well it is good to be honest with oneself and admit that you have this feeling, but still hatred is a feeling with negative consequences, most of all it is really bad to hate children. I see that u didn't ask on how to stop hating them, but still u need some help in doing so. Kids could easily feel the hatred in you and this may create in them the same feeling for you.
When u decided to live with someone having kids by another woman, you should have thought about how to deal with such problems, because kids should come first in a family. It is not easy to establish a working relationship with kids who tend to think that you may not love them and you have taken their mom's place in the family. So, they should be reassured that no one will take their mom's place and it is possible that you also love them. This doesn't come by itself or in a short period of time. You have to work hard hand in hand with the father and the kids, and If possible with their natural mom too, for she can play the role of a catalist to speed up the process. It is very rewarding by itself to be successful in establishing trust and love with a kid, specially a step kid. Good luck

Answer 9

I even have been via stuff like that. i grew to become into an undesirable baby. My mum and dad in no way permit me ignore it the two. i'm 40 8 now, and the two my mum and dad are ineffective. The emotional scars are nevertheless there. even though it wasn't with the aid of fact God hated you. It grew to become into with the aid of fact the devil did. while i grew to become into dealing with the worst time in my existence, I threw away each and every thing I owned and took a hike. That adventure took me to places I in no way even imagined existed. the two good and undesirable. even though it grew to become right into a existence changing existence. Jesus advised his apostles that with a view to rather save on with him that they mandatory to do the comparable, and mandatory to hate their mum and dad. sounds such as you already do this. yet you are able to't be punished for the sins of your mum and dad in spite of in case you're donning a curse. you will locate freedom via Christ. no longer via following the instructions of guy, nonetheless. terrific of success on your endeavors.

Answer 10

step families can be hard but its also hard for the little ogres good luck not bad, i think its prob normal to have negetive feelings