My father abused me growing up and is still very verbally abusive. I always call him on his birthday, but he always uses it as an opportunity to put me down and make me feel bad about myself. Recently I have decided to cut ties because the abusive behavior was really causing me to be depressed. I know it might hurt his feelings if I dont call, but I've made alot of progress after cutting ties from his behavior and I know a bunch of his insults will only set me back. Should I call or not? And if so how can I get off the phone quickly wihtout allowing him to put me down?
2006-11-06 13:45:37 · 22 answers · asked by BossHogg R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No. It is not worth it. Spare yourself the pain.
2006-11-06 13:46:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you worry more about his feelings than he does yours. For your own sake don't call. If he gets upset then he will get over it soon enough and you will spare yourself the pain he gives you. Have you ever told him that you will not tolerate his abusive behavior? That might be a start in taking your life back. Don't let him get away with it anymore. Go out and enjoy that day and don't worry about his feelings. If you do decide to call and he starts his insults tell him you will not take his insults-and when he can talk like a civil adult he can call you. Then hang up the phone. Good Luck
2006-11-06 14:01:48 · answer #2 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has not earned a call from you, nor does he know what a loving relationship truly is. You must continue on your path of progress and freedom, and there is never a need to visit something old that doesn't fit into the new life. He has not touched his spirituality yet, but you have and are ahead of him now, so he will be able to learn what works in life from you. Remember, do not feel guilty and don't believe that you are "supposed" to call just because... You are moving to higher ground - keep going!
2006-11-06 13:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him a card and leave it at that. You know that calling him and talking with him will eventually lead to talking down to you so save your nerves and feelings and just send him a card.
If you choose to call him just say happy birthday and hang up. If the insults start then cut him off and let him know that this will be the last time you will be calling him. From now on, the only he will hear from you will be by U.S. Post. Then hang up.
2006-11-06 14:17:25 · answer #4 · answered by NyteWing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't why would you back step. He now will experience the consequences of his behavior and it may help him in his discovery and behavior. Bravo!!! For a good job! You should be proud of yourself if you decline this momentous date! Your decision to not call will speak volumes in the future for this man. He will no doubt be angry and a bit vengeful but it will also plant a seed for him to realize his behavior is unacceptable. Be sure to let him know why when he asks the real reason you decided not to call is because it only evokes abusive responses and you're looking for a happy one. Good luck !
2006-11-06 14:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by crkristy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should call him. If you don't, you'll just stew on it, and you will feel worse.
Although happy endings, where father and son hug, and a lifetime of misunderstanding melts away in a manly hug ,only happen in books, you sound like you need to talk to your father in order for things between you to improve.
Just don't do it on his birthday. Take a deep breath, ring him, tell him many happy returns, and if he starts with his usual, tell him you have to go there's someone at the door, and put the phone down.
Then have a glass of wine and congratulate yourself on retaining the moral high ground.
Good luck
: - )
2006-11-07 04:57:14 · answer #6 · answered by Banwa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say forget HIS feelings!! He has been hurting yours for years, and continues to do so. Unless you don't mind the abusive put-downs, I say DO NOT CALL HIM. If he wants to know why you didn't call on his birthday then you tell him why. Spare yourself the pain this year when you have made so much progress!! Take care!
2006-11-06 13:52:13 · answer #7 · answered by vanityspice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey, good for you.. you are a really forgiving person. Its great that you have such a heart that you still care.. but if he does that to you when you're trying to reach out and do something nice, then i think tis best to just cut ties with him completely. if you wanna better yourself, then take this advice. if you do decide to call him, just let him know that you are just calling to say happy birthday, and you're thinkin of him and say goodbye. hang up before he has a chance to hurt you again. good luck
2006-11-06 14:00:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
God bless you! I went throgh the same mainly beatings now that I am older it is verbal. I would send a card, that way you avoid something that might hurt you again. You are so precious that you feel in your heart that you want to do something good for him. Your an angel!
2006-11-06 13:53:02 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww...I'm sorry! I know it may be hard to hear this, but I don't think you should call him. If he is putting you down when you take your time and call him, then don't bother because you don't derserve to hear that! You shouldn't have to feel bad because of him! If you still feel bad about it, you could maybe send him a card where you don't have to talk to him directly. Hope that helped! :)
2006-11-06 13:51:40 · answer #10 · answered by Yanks4Life23519 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't call! If you continue to put yourself through this, you're only going to hurt yourself. I know it may be difficult to understand and there will always be an inner struggle but you should look after your well-being. If you still have the need to reach out, send him a Hallmark. You can't please everyone. And you don't need everyone's approval; especially his.
2006-11-06 16:13:12 · answer #11 · answered by jackie_jackie_bo_backie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋