I have been seing this guy for the last two months, he calls me every other day and we ocassionally hang out, he´s the perfect gentleman, he´s sweet, and nice. But whenever we are getting closer, he pulls back and he stops calling for a few days so I´t confuses me. I know he is not married, he tells everyone he and I are dating, he isn´t dating anyone else, he´s not hidding anything so I don´t know what to do, I really like him but when he pulls away I feel dissapointed and he does it everytime we start getting closer.I know he had a previous nasty relationship but it was a long time ago. What could be making him pull back and how can I fix this? I don´t want to talk to him about it because I don´t want him to feel I´m preassuring him so what can I do?
2006-11-06 12:18:35 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would say you already know the answer. Every time you get closer he pulls back. He is afraid of getting hurt again. Maybe you can find a way to talk to him about it and tell him how it makes you feel. Just don't make it sound like you are hurt or accusing. Let him know when he goes for several days you begin to doubt his feelings for you. He may not even realize that he is doing this or that it hurts you. He may not even be able to verbalize why he does this. Personally I think you need to address it with him. It is obviously bothering you a lot. If it makes him mad and he breaks up with you, you are better off knowing now rather than later. If he cares for you he will consider how this makes you feel and think before he does this again next time. Just try not to come across controlling or demanding. Keep the conversation focused on how it makes you feel (the good old "I" statements) not on what he needs to do.
Good Luck
2006-11-06 12:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by tlking70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If, as your question stated you want to know: why he pulls back You are going to have to ask him. WHY !!! Why would you settle for speculation of why he pulls back??? You'll get as many different case scenerios as to why he pulls back from as many people who have their own guesses based entirely on thier experiences. You've stated that you don't want to ask him because: you don't want him to feel like you're pressuring him boo -hoo get out some tissues. If you can't communicate with him then maybe you'll just keep being a co-dependent to this guy who can only go so far and then pull back. How about you consider what a big girl might do if she were faced with this relationship challenge....next time you're together...you say...Frank I hope you know how much I enjoy hanging out with you. I always look forward to our time together...etc, etc..but I need to ask you something..You seem to pull back and even stop calling me and I can't help but wonder if it's something I'm doing that makes you feel uncomfortable or if you're seeing someone else...listen to his response. REALLLY listen! Then tell him how it makes you feel when he does this...tell him it gets you so confused and upset that you wonder if maybe you should stop seeing each other and start dating other people...It's the only way you are going to get him to hear that from your perspective there is a problem and you want to know what it is, True friends can be real and talk to one another.. by sharing your thoughts and feelings and asking him to respond you are not pressuring him..that is a lame excuse for you not to be assertive. If you want the answer to your question ASK HIM!
2006-11-06 12:55:22 · answer #2 · answered by Brains & Beauty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe hes afaid of getting hurt again......and even though his old relationship might have been awhile ago it still holds painful memories.... just let him do it and when he pulls back YOU should make plans with him and call him or you might be stuck like that for a while.....but go easy on him because hes scared that you'll hurt him just he was hurt last time....
2006-11-06 12:22:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
INTIMACY SCARES THE SH*T OUT OF HIM!
Maybe the problem started with his family. Maybe it started because he witnessed something that made him think twice about the risk opening himself up.
Who knows.
The one thing you must do as a responsible person (onto yourself) is to find out why.
Whatever the reason is, you should protect yourself and start dating others. Tell him that you need to separate till he gets a handle on his problem before it becomes your own.
You don't want ownership of his problems that will eventually lead to you having intimacy problems. I know that sounds selfish, but you have to protect what you want in a relationship.
Good luck.
2006-11-06 12:23:20 · answer #4 · answered by monkeymustard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing to do i find the solution to the problem. most men like their space when they've been hurt or taken advantage of. if he's the one like you say he is then now wouldn't be the time to back down. get him thrilled with happiness then open up to him tell him something to get him to open up to you. men feel better when they're not on the line or in front of a grand jury so best keep this conversation for when you're alone
good luck . . . go get'em girl
2006-11-06 12:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by epicwarrior 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually this a problem i just went through and it ended up in a break up, check this out, i didnt talk about it for a year, you better leave now because its gonna hurt bad when you finally do talk about it a year later and he gets all weird and breaks up with u, basically he either has emotional issues that he hasnt dealt with in his life or is definetely scared of getting hurt, so i suggest you talk now, better than later. I know cause I made that mistake.
2006-11-06 12:25:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From my point of view ( A guys Perspective) Slowly start fading away, not totally but stop calling him, every other day, slowly pull back yourself and see if he notices, otherwise it us to talking for you..... Best of luck hopefully he is the guy your looking for like my girlfriend is to me!!!!!!!!!!1
2006-11-06 12:28:46 · answer #7 · answered by nsguy_2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like him you wait until hes ready. In the mean time ask him if there's any reason why hes pulling back. Maybe there's a really good reason.
2006-11-06 12:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by tazzle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although the pony is blind... I am lovely definite he knew different horses weren't there. If you near your eyes, you'll be able to regularly inform if any individual else is within the room.. given that you'll be able to listen them breathe. Same factor with a horse.. he used to be most of the time sitting there considering to himself "mann... that farmer definite is dumb!"
2016-09-01 08:20:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds sick when you said "why does he pull back" lol, it's kinda like a sick joke but anyways...It's so typical... they dude is testing you to see if what you would do next, all guys do that kinda stuff. He wants to play the "silent-game" :), if you call him back, he knows that you got "hooked" lol. Well... the dude doesn't want to look all desperate, so he waits to see what's your next move, that's all. Simple actually :)
2006-11-06 12:23:11 · answer #10 · answered by Tank D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋