To begin with, much of this unwanted advice comes from my step-mom. I am sure she means well, but she really makes me angry sometimes and I find myself staying away from her for longer and longer periods of time now a days. We used to have a good relationship, then she married my dad earlier this year and it all seems to have gone downhill. For example, today, she tells me I NEED to have my tubes tied (which made me very angry). I just turned 28, am pregnant with my 2nd child, responsible, married, own a home, both kids have the same dad, and we have talked about having one more kid someday. She was insisting that I do it, telling me I am too old to be having more kids (huh?), birth control is bad, and I have no business having kids 12 years apart (my first son is 12). I totally argued with her, telling her it was none of her business and I would do no such thing. She just kept going on and on, so I got up and left. How do I deal with crap like this - I am really mad!!
2006-11-06 12:09:05 · 10 answers · asked by Michaela 4120 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Just to clear one thing up, I never asked her what she thought about this subject or anything like that. We were just having a cup of coffee, I hadn't seen her in about four days, and she started going on and on about me NEEDING to do this for no reason. I was in shock at first - like WTF??? I understand she had her tubes tied after two kids, but I am not her. Plus the I would rather be on birth control than make a permanent decision like that. I know too many people who have done that and regret it. It just seems like everytime I get around her, she starts spouting off some dumb stuff and I never even asked her opinion or for her help.
2006-11-06 12:40:33 · update #1
Oh man, that's the worst part of being a parent it seems sometimes. I can not tell you how my in-laws and step mother have cursed my family. I tried talking to my dad about it, thinking he could help my step mother not cross the line with me - and it only made her worse.
Please ignore what she is saying. Smile, maybe say "interesting" and walk away when people give you unwanted advice. You are the mother and you know best. Often when people act strongly it is because it is what they think they should have done or something they felt was a lifesaver for them and they are really trying to help - but they are not. They are not even really focused on you, but their own previous experience.
You have every right to be mad. You are surely not too old - I had my 1st kid at 33 and my second at 36. Birth control can be dangerous - but if you are comfortable with what you are doing, it is not anyone elses business. There are lots of folks who have and benefit from having 2 children far apart from each other, agewise. I keep saying if we have another I will wait til my girls are 12 or 13 so they get a great lesson it what it's like to take care of a baby (I think it will be the best birth control for teen girls that I can find!)
Peace!
2006-11-06 12:19:01 · answer #1 · answered by carole 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first thought was to tell her that is is none of her business. You already did that. So my next thought is to tell her the subject is off limits and if she insists on continuing to tell you how to run your life, you will leave the room and refuse to converse with her at all. Tell her you want to have a good relationship with her, but that depends on her willingness to recognize you as an adult who is in control of her own life. Also tell her that you miss the times when you were closer and would like to rekindle that friendship.
Sue
2006-11-06 12:13:47 · answer #2 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell her that she needs to respect the decisions that you make. and the oldest you should prolly be before you stop having kids is like 50, not 28. (no fence to other people who have had kids over 50, just quoting statistics) or you can sit down and talk to her and ask her why shes butting in. OR maybe its because shes trying to get involved in your life
2006-11-06 12:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I learned a very valuable, mouth-shutting response: "Wow, ok, I'll keep that in mind, thanks."
It shuts them up because there's not much to say after that. However, if the person is particularly irritating and pushy, you may have to throw in a couple of silent head nods and a thoughtfull expression, as if you really give a sh*t about what they are saying.
2006-11-06 12:55:07 · answer #4 · answered by edkolover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nest time she brings it up tell her that it is your body and that when you and your husband decide that you don't want anymore kids you will get it done. There are women in their 40's having kids still so you are definately not too old.
2006-11-06 12:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would have done the same thing. if you ask your dad to step in maybe he can just bring up a point about how she's treating you. maybe she doesn't realize it and then when you start to argue she's too proud to just drop it. i really don't know, it's just a guess.
2006-11-06 12:12:07 · answer #6 · answered by aprillindee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the answers here are confrontational.
That will only throw gasoline on the fire. Here's what to do:
When she gives you advice, pretend to pay attention, and then say something like, "That's good advice. I'll think carefully about it."
Then do whatever you think is best.
2006-11-06 12:18:58 · answer #7 · answered by silvercomet 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know That you probably hate to involve your dad but.. if she won't listen to you and you have tried to explain it to her tell your dad it has become uncomfortable to be around her because she will not let go of her opinion which is fine.... but she should not push her opinions on you especially if your life is fine and you have no problems with your husband... you are grown and you father seems to be o.k. with your life so she should take your father's lead....her opinion are fine but she needs to keep them to herself... I'm sure your father would agree.....
2006-11-06 13:02:00 · answer #8 · answered by Andi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just remind her you are an adult. Tell her when you want her advice you will ask her for it. My favorite for my step mother is "thanks but your aren't my mother!"
2006-11-06 12:12:25 · answer #9 · answered by JS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont ask unwanted annoying questions
its just that simple...
2006-11-06 12:32:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋