If you were dating someone and he was nice and cute and had his career all set and when you two would talk, he made a statement about not wanting kids period. He had his reasons and he was sticking to them. Would you continue dating him and have sex with him and hope he changes his mind about kids or would you stop dating him because you knew if you have sex with him its a chance you might get pregnant. Even if he is wearing protection and you are taking birth control, but there is always a chance, would you still sleep with him knowing that chance is out there and if you did, he wouldn't want the baby at all.
The reason I'm asking is because some women feel if you didn't want children then you shouldn't had laid with me but my question is if you knew from the begining he didn't want children why lay with him. I am having a group discussion with my girls at a book club and I wanted to see what others thought about this before I bring this up tonight. IF I MISSPELL ANYTHING SORRY..
2006-11-06 12:02:29 · 11 answers · asked by msleya2002 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
This might not be a good section for this question, but I am going to try it anyway, thanks.......
2006-11-06 12:05:27 · update #1
I would like to thank everyone for your answers, this was a great topic for my book club after we talk about the book - lol. I log on and let my friends read some of your answers and they agree with some people and the didn't with others. But that is what makes a great discussion. The reason I ask this question was I have a lot of friends and family that have tried to hold a man by having a child or by not caring what the guy said when he said he didn't want any children, why don't some women listen. If a man told me he didn't want children and I did what is the point of me taking this relationship further or me having sex with him knowing that I could get pregnant, even if we were using protection. I feel women need to think about this and put their life goals first before bringing a child in the world with someone. Sometimes you can do everthing right and it still dosen't work, but at least you know you tried and you did it your way and with the person you wanted to do it with.
2006-11-07 04:53:25 · update #2
If he is comeplete dead-set against having kids and you definately want them then you should leave him and try to find someone that wants kids.
2006-11-06 12:05:49 · answer #1 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think if you want to have a lasting relationship with someone, you need to have similar wants and needs in life. If he does NOT want kids and you do, it will not work. He could change, but chances are he won't. A friend of mine got in a situation like you described, then got pregnant on purpose thinking she could change him. Guess what - he left, has nothing to do with the kid, and she had (has) to fight like heck to get child support (find him and get a DNA test). She still complains today about what a deadbeat loser he is and blah, blah, blah, but the truth is he told her he didn't want kids and she tried to trap him and she will even tell you that is what she did. I don't feel sorry for her in the least bit - I think it is just sad and desperate. Sure you could say if you don't want kids, don't have sex, but being realistic that might not be possible if the guy is a real horn-dog.
2006-11-06 12:34:18 · answer #2 · answered by Michaela 4120 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I guess it would depend on what you are looking for in the relationship. If you are purely looking for companionship with this man, and you have both agreed that the relationship will not result in any children, and you are both taking precautions against a pregnancy....and you enjoy sex with him, then there is no reason not to *lay with him*. BUT....if you are hoping that someday this man will change his views on wanting to have children, and you are sleeping with him just to satisfy sexual needs of his, or for both of you, I would suggest that you move on and find a man that has similar goals. It seems to me that continuing a relationship with a man that does not want the same big picture is a waste of time and emotions.
2006-11-06 12:14:30 · answer #3 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are talking about two different topics.
One thing is that he dont want kids at a specific moment.
The other thing is the opinion on the abortion subject. (personally I am against it)
My point is that you should clarify if he just dont want a kid but in the event you get pregnant that would be different, based on his ideas of life respect.
Of course, if he is having sex, even with prevention, he should be aware that there is a possibility of being a father.
2006-11-06 12:26:02 · answer #4 · answered by mfacio 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmmk, first of all, you're in a book club and I seriously doubt you'd spell anything wrong even if you wanted to. And i'd like to counter arviy2k. If you bring that situation of "what if", he might be really upset if it happened and may blame you for actually planning it out like that. And I agree with April. You may want to seriously weigh your pros and cons with this guy. But I think you should find someone who actually wants children. Oh, they're out there. Go find him! Karma
2006-11-06 12:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by Karma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never marry someone who didn't want kids and I would never have sex with someone I wasn't already married to.
Seriously, marriage can be challenging anyway. You don't want to go into it with an agenda in mind to change him. That's not fair to either of you.
2006-11-06 12:12:04 · answer #6 · answered by AerynneC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whose priorities do U take most importantly, His or Yours? I think that he is being selfish for not considering your feelings towards the matter.
Think of all those lonely nights the two of U will spend when you're all old and sickly. Who will care for U then????
2006-11-06 12:19:57 · answer #7 · answered by daisy770 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is always something called language and the use of it is a must. In case you are having sex with him, you should discuss with him that there is a general possibility that you get pregnant. Ask him in case you get pregnant, will he accept the child.
If he wil, then all is fine.
If he doesnt, i dont think you should be dating him any further..
2006-11-06 12:06:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO you want kids is what you should be asking your self. But if you think you could live with out any and you love him saty with him but if you want kids then you need to decide what is more important
2006-11-06 14:51:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should only date people with the same general goals. if you can't change his mind, and if he hasn't changed yours, go find someone more in tuned with your goals.
2006-11-06 12:09:29 · answer #10 · answered by aprillindee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋