anyone the same prob with father?

Question

i dont really know my father very well. i have only seen him once when i was young. i travelled from england to scotland the other year to see him but he did not want to see me. i have not heard from him since and it really upsets me. i dont know why this is because he seemed keen to see me before hand. i wont to get back in touch before its maybe to late or do you think its a bad idea

Answer 1

Men, and I am one, frequently experience huge challenges in relating to their estranged offspring, and I am one of those too. I have scarcely any contact with my daughter, and none at all with my son, who are both "grown up". I believe that is ALL my responsibility. I take the view that, having been entirely inadequate as a father to them in their youth, I have no right to impinge myself on them as adults. I would love to be close to both, but don't deserve or expect that to happen. I would love for my daughter, particularly, to keep in touch, because we had reached a level of understanding. She hasn't contacted me for many months, and her mother tells me that's because she has been through some extremely difficult times during the last couple of years, when, incidentally, I have been away (she is now 30, and not at all immature). But I would LOVE to hear from her - or from my son, whom I have had no contact with for 2 decades. I suppose that what I'm saying is that I won't contact my kids unless they contact me first, because my, frank, neglect of them when they were younger disallows me that prerogative, but, I do wish they would contact me. It has to be that way round because I would be imposing myself on them otherwise. Write him. Leave a mesage with a friend, Tell him, ever so gently, because he's male, and therefore pretty hopeless at those sorts of things, and may be scared, that you would like to know him better. Maybe he really doesn't want to know, but you won't know that unless you do try, and you will surely kick yourself if you don't. I, with the very greatest sincerity, and a tear in my eye I am not ashamed of, wish you the very best of best fortune in this matter.

Answer 2

Go and visit/get in touch with him if that is what you feel is right for you. You are wanting to make a link and going by what you have written about your father in the past you should know what to expect from him. At the end of the day do get in touch with him, no matter what the outcome is, at least you know you made the effort. I don't think its a bad idea or will stop you being upset but if its what you want to try when your ready do it.

Answer 3

you will do what you want to do regardless of what anyone says.
i met my dad for the first time when i was 17 years, he was saying how he wished he hadn't lost contact and so on, then he stopped contacting me, i was upset, yes...i cried myself to sleep night after night as i only wanted a dad, he left when i was a baby and he left again, it hurt ill tell you, i blamed myself, i wasn't the daughter he wanted etc, but the truth is...it's him with the problem! he is not capable or responsible enough to be a father so why should i be bothered with him, he was the adult and i was the child it was up to him to see me, if he couldn't be bothered then that was his loss, what right does he have getting called a father?
If you are happy with your life now, and he can't be bothered to see you, then forget about him, its his loss, you have done nothing wrong, he is the one who has missed out on a wonderful child!

Answer 4

its good that you want to keep in touch with your dad, though he is avoiding you for years.you had no chance to get to know your won father-as you did not grow up with him around.this had certainly created a huge gap between both of you. let him know that you want to catch up all the times you both had left behind and how you had been feeling about it for years.tell him how much you are affected on not knowing your own father, though you have one.tell him how you feel.i'm sure there will be a change.even if he might not change on the spot,it will help him to, atleast? he will think about what you have said-maybe he had been feeling the same too?

Answer 5

im 36 & iv not seen my mum since i was 8,
iv learnt to live with it,
go with your heart

Answer 6

You have nothing to lose by trying one more time anyway

Answer 7

I'm not surprised he doesn't want to see you, its because you went to Scotland.

Answer 8

don't worry, some dads are like this, mine only sees me if I contact him and he struggles with that!!

Answer 9

try your best to contact him again...if he does not reply then stop trying...good luck