my father really pisses me off- he is extra sensitive and it affects everyone else in our family..?

Question

He works as a teacher and spends my mother's money (she comes from a rich family)
he is always complaining about HOW much work he has and he says its the most tiring job EVER... (how could it be? hes been teaching history classes 20 years now) .
He is obese, eats like an animal, doesnt exercise, and smokes like crazy.
He has pretty bad temper and never goes out. and he doesnt like it when anybody else goes out. (myself)
My mom really works hard to please him, cooks everyday and shes very outgoing, but never goes out because HE wants to sleep.. he complains about EVERYTHING.. the food, the service in my house, etc... i have the BEST respectful boyfriend and he treats him like **** because HE DOESNT GO TO MASS EVERY SUNDAY (wtf??) its the only excuse he could come up with...
my dad doesnt want a shrink or any other type of medical help, even though he creates chaos at home when the rest of us are HAPPY and HEALTHY... what do i do?!?!?

weve talked to him a MILLION times... its like he doesnt even listen
it breaks my heart because my mom is so SAD and and i ont want her to be...
i know they dont get a divorce because of me and my siblings- but i know my dad cannot stand my mom.. even though she tries SO hard..
and i dont think he would have a divorce because of the money and also because of us..

oh and im really afraid of marriage- could this have affected me somehow?

Answer 1

Unfortunately, teachers have been taught by their unions that the whole world sucks and is out to make life hell for teachers.

He's been spoiled. Seems like everyone cleans up after him.

You must start with your mother not your father. Tell her that you and her are going to start treating him differently.

Instead of letting him behave like a child, you are going to EXPECT him to behave like a man.

If he wants to eat, he'll have to cook. If he wants money, he'll have to earn it.

Your mother is the weak one by letting him get away with it. If she is committed to working with you, it'll be better.

Your dad will be super cranky in the beginning but you have to keep the adjusted behavior. Tell him you love him and a year from now he'll be thanking and you will all be much happier.

Then make sure the union doesn't tell him that he's a super hero!

Answer 2

Oh Honey, how my heart goes out to you! There are several traits in your father that were in mine...(the anger, never satisfied, always complaining, never able to please him...never knew when he was going to get angry or over what). In my father's case he was severely beaten by his father and step mother, and while he never lifted a finger to harm us physically, this abuse, (because he was really just a helpless little child inside still raging against the injustice done to him), came out in anger, as it so often does, which can be just as harmful. Once I came to understand my father, I fell in love with him, like I never loved him before! Actually, I could have very easily gone down the same road as him, had God not intervened in my life. If Your father chooses not to seek help for himself, you and the rest of your family can always get help from your preacher or a counsellor to help you deal with the way it's making you feel; SO THE CYCLE WILL BE BROKEN! I'm sure it hurts you very much what he's saying about your boyfriend, but understand, that your dad, for whatever reasons, is a VERY unhappy person. That is no body's fault but his own. Your mom didn't make him miserable, and neither did you. Take care sweetie....God bless you all!

Answer 3

It's difficult to love a family member who is always mad-I would know from experience. I have a family member who complains about everything too and this family member lives in my house too. What I do is keep my distance from the person and don't speak to that person unless they ask me a question.
Talk to your Mom about how you feel and I think y'all should leave him a note and tell him what he is doing is wrong. Tell him how every person in the house feels and have them write down why they feel that way. Tuck the note into his lunch or tape it to the steering wheel of his car.

If that doesn't work have everybody in the house go to a friend's house so when your Dad comes home nobody is there. Nobody is there to cook for him or be there waiting to make him pleased. Come home when it's a little after dinner and see what happens. Have your Mom come in the door in a wheel chair or with crutches and you could walk in with an arm full of groceries. Then he will be forced to help you; as well as make himself some dinner.

Maybe these 2 tricks will help. good luck!!

Answer 4

It sounds like you may not be able to talk to your father at this point, but I believe in a gentle way you must ask him why he is so unhappy in life and ask him if he can ever remember feeling differently than he feels in life today. Basically you must expose the predisposing imbalance of his beliefs in order to establish a normal, healthy balance. He may not, on a conscious level, even be aware that others look at him as having a real problem(s), because he is so caught up in himself. Thought and self image do not change over night and it does take diligent work, but change can come when the goal is right and good.

Answer 5

You are a Prime example of a Spoiled Brat that is always in other people's business. Your probably hang with people that agreed with you, like most people that hang in Groups do. By going on how you write, I can tell many things about you. As it is said, "Right Off The Bat".

Here We Go...Sounds like it is time for you to grow-up, stay out of your parents' business by acting like a little kid, and get your own life and place to live. If you was my daughter, I would kick you out. Your mother married your father by making her own decisions in life and they both, respectfully agreed to have you; be glad that you are alive and show some respect.

You need your own life and stop thinking it is fine to be in-between others' relationship. People like you start young with the Bad habit of Not Minding Your Own Business. Be careful in life, Remember, some people take it seriously when someone is always in their business. Especially people that are not your family. Your bad habit will spill into every aspect of your life. Soon, at work, you will be in your co-workers' business.

Answer 6

He just seems like a very unhappy man that can not be pleased no matter what you do. If your old enough then leave, and if not count the days...He is old and set in his ways and unless your mom stands up for herself and says something nothing Will change...

Answer 7

If your mom really can't stand it she would have left him a long time ago since she is well off. The only thing you can do is to get married and leave home.

Answer 8

ignore and avoid him. do what you want. don't talk to him at all. talking will just get him even more angry. the best thing to do with people who are like that are to just leave them alone. i am sometimes like that. it's only because they want to be left alone. let him cool down, he'll become less sensitive, and you'll have a happy life.

Answer 9

You can't change other people. You can try to understand them and accept them, but sounds like it's your time to work through who you are and what you can deal with. You need to talk to someone professional. Please call a free service for help.

Answer 10

Guess what????Thats between your mom and dad.You should be thinking about school,friends,and having fun.Leave the adult stuff to the adults.