Would you let your son live with you if he was disrespectful to you?

Question

Disrespectful in the things that he says to you or about you, in front of you, to his friends. He won't help out around the house & gets mad when I ask him to help out. I am at my last straw & about to give him & his girlfriend the fast friendly plan to the front door. I think he needs to take a little life on his own & he will have more respect. The only thing is, his dad & I, really want to help him if we can. We know it is not easy to get started but I am not willing to listen to the disrespect he is showing towards me, his dad or his little sister. Why does it have to be such a dramatic thing? I don't understand why he thinks all of the sudden he doesn't have to be respectful of others. He was not raised this way & it seems to have turned into this when he got his new girlfriend. They have no idea how finished I am with the whole thing. I'll visit them at their place & maybe return the favor of letting them know how low they are! That's what they've done here!

Answer 1

He is old enough to be out on his own! Kick him out! You are his mother, you deserve to be treated with respect, especially since you are letting him & his girlfriend stay with you!

Answer 2

You have every right to show him the door. You see the little brat would not be showing me disrespect, because he would be in a whole world of hurt and obviously when he was growing up, you gave him a time out, and said when he needed to go to bed, you said time to go to bed, and ended the so called command with OK? It is all in how you do the little things when he grew up, like when he wanted something you said, ok here you go. If you do not show him discipline when they are little, they will show you no discipline when they are older like he is doing now. I am right on this and you know it, just because I can tell with what you say with wanting to kick him out, but yet you want to c that he is not really going to suffer without having anything in his apartment and how he will pay for it. You know I do not pity parents, that give timeouts, and say ok? at the end of a command and always feeling sorry about the little child, and defend him when he does wrong in school, or anywhere else. Then you wonder why the little child disrespect you when they get old enough to take on dad.

Answer 3

There was a very low point in my relationship with my eldest child where she wasn't being honest and she had persistently lost the the trust her father and I had always had in her; it's like overnight she became someone we didn't know anymore. She was an adult, had a job, so we (after the same go-round and broken promises), changed the locks on the door and told her she wasn't welcome back home with her current behaviour. (We already knew she had loads of friends to stay with, so it's not like we had her roaming the streets, plus she had money). My point being is that if the time comes when a child is no longer a child living under your roof, and living in a way that you cannot approve of, sometimes ya have to practice tough love. We can't dictate to them how to live as adults, but we can CERTAINLY stop enabling them from doing it blatantly in our own homes!
On the positive side...it didn't take long before she "came around" and understood what we had been trying to make her see with all our talks. Sometimes it takes a little action. We couldn't be closer today!! (She was 19yrs then, she's 25 now).

Answer 4

If he is over 18 then kick his *** out! After 18, help from your parents is a priviledge, not a right.

If he is under 18 then send him off to boot camp, or start taking away his luxuries. Remember all that you HAVE to provide for him is food, shelter and clothing.

My cousin started getting out of line, and my Aunt really brought the house down on him. First she took away all of his designer clothes and gave him $50 to spend at Goodwill for replacement clothing (for a 15 year old, this is the ULTIMATE punishment). Then she cleared out his room, sold all of his stuff (CDs, TV, everything). Took everything off the walls, so he had a blank, boring room. THEN, when he was still being a jerk, she took away his food priviledges. The rest of the family would eat a delicious hot dinner and he was only allowed a sandwhich and milk (but his nutritional needs were being met). At that point he was like an inmate, he ate when and what she said and he was stuck in his room unless he was doing chores. But he straightened up real quick. It only took a couple of weeks. And when he did he slowly got to earn back all of his privileges.

It will feel like torture to him, but its not of course. There are many many people in the world who don't even get this basic care. Once he realizes that you are the hand that feeds, maybe he will stop biting you.

Answer 5

I kinda know where you are coming from my brother did the same thing to my mom. When him and his girlfriend first started dating he was still the gentlemen that we knew he was. After a couple of months that all changed he started being mean. He would disrespect all of us. It was sad. So my mom booted him and he didn't come around for about a year and when he did it was the same disrespect. So he didn't come around for a little while longer until they broke up, then he came back to live with my mom. He was still disrespectful at first and my dad told him he better straightnen up or he will have to leave. It took about 3 months and he is back to being a gentlemen. So what I am trying to say is it may take some tuff love before he straightnens back up. Well I hope this helps.

Answer 6

It sounds like he is having separation problems and hasn't figured out that he doesn't have to position himself with a nasty character to just move out on his own, so someone will have to help him out by telling him it is OK to pack his bags right now. His disrespect should not be allowed, and now it boils down to tough love. Of course you want the best for him and love him, but now he needs to learn some life lessons the hard way on his own. There is no other way he will learn them. So give him the rental ads section and this will start to wake him up to the fact that he is too big for the nest now.

Answer 7

If he is over the age of 18, give him a choice: to be respectful of you in your own home, or find another place to live. Put a time limit on it. When he is facing homelessness, he will either take responsibility for getting his own place or cooling his jets and bringing respect back to you in your space.

He may even try to force the issue, but the fact is, you can have the police remove him from your home if you absolutely HAVE to.

Answer 8

First loose the anger, I am a single dad of 5 children and I can tell you this is what they door. no matter how well you raise them they always find a way to rebel and this is his. Now Yes if he is old enough and able to support himself then send him on his way with love, respect his home to show him the right way and be ready for him to come home for a while, after life teaches its hard lessons. good luck and enjoy

Answer 9

...o, dear - you are really tired - really try to get some rest before any drastic desitions!!
If your son is an adult over 18 - ask him to move - but don´t force him out on the street unless he is dangoures
If he is still younger - try to bare with it - but make sure you get PEACE for yourself now and then.
Remember how very short life is - and how presious our children
This is of course impossible unless you feel well about yourself
You must make yourself strong to solve this difficulties - but don´t escape into anger however hard it gets
Love your children - but not by deleting your true self - is my advice
And maybe try to change something else in your household if you can´t make your son change for the moment? To make his rediculous behavior less difficult for the rest of you?

Answer 10

That boy needs a taste of manhood.He will never grow up if you keep babying him and your also taking care of his girlfreind he is no man and you are to kind you helped him 18 years hes a bum
and leaching off of you so get rid of them both

Answer 11

if i was like that, my mom would smack my face for being that disrespectful. if he's under 18, i guess you'll just have to be more strict. if he's over 18, i'd kick him out. why should some person live in your house rent free and not even do any work??