i mean really funny ones?
2006-11-06 10:50:07 · 13 answers · asked by beans 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
OK here goes (no offence to the blondes)
Ok there was this blonde. she was minding here own business, just walking along. When she saw it.........
A pure white steed...... With a Golden saddle and accessories....
Well the blonde had never ridden a horse before, and there was absolutely NO one to tell her that she couldn't......
"what the heck " she thought to her self, "I have always wanted to ride a horse before..."
So not easily, she some how got her sel f into position.
"Hey this isn't so bad" she thought <----- thought
But then something went terribly terribly wrong..... The horse started bucking.... Flinging the poor blond her hair got into here eyes and she couldn't see a thing... one of her feet came out of the stirrup! (She started screaming!!! For the horse to stop!! But it kept barreling on.
She saw her life flash before her eyes.....
Her head stated bobbing and hitting the hard hard ground....
just then When she thought that her Life was at its end, when she thought her lif was DOOMED
the secuirity guard at wall-mart pulled the plug of the horse
2006-11-06 11:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by Choir~Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's one that always has me laughing!
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
2006-11-06 10:52:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here is one that was sent to my e-mail this morning...
"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.
With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.
Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning,gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.
The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick t he one you want."
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.
"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.
"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."
The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,
"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest little thing you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen consideri ng the beauty of the parents.
"Well," explained the Redneck "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...................pregnant when you met her."
2006-11-06 11:39:28 · answer #3 · answered by crzyfiregirls 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one of my favorites:
President Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland."
George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."
The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." Bush said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them."
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair, with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
Bush was a little perplexed by this, and said, "But you don't look like you're handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be, after my dad finds out I saved your as s from drowning."
2006-11-06 10:57:53 · answer #4 · answered by akelaamy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the smartest U.S. state?
A: Alabama -- it has four As and one B!
What did one pencil say to the other?
A: You're looking sharp!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom
What kind of outfit does a house wear?
A: A-ddress!
2006-11-06 11:27:21 · answer #5 · answered by ♥still luvin u♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said, ''but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy, ''but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
2006-11-06 10:55:33 · answer #6 · answered by Shorty 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Man 1 : Hey man, what's up?
Man 2 : Hey buddy! I just bought this very expensive hearing aid, I'm not deaf anymore!
Man 1 : Really? How much was it?
Man 2 : Just yesterday.
2006-11-07 00:25:38 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay
so theres this bear and he has this problem with poo getting stuck on his fur,
so he walks up to this dear and says "hey do you have a problem w/ poo gettin gstuck to your fur?" and the dear says," ya i know wacha mean that happens to me all the time" so the bear walks away
he comes up to this squirrel and asks, "hey do you have a problem w/ poo gettin gstuck to your fur?"
and the squirrel says "i hate it when that happens, it is disgusting!"
so the bear walks away
he sees this porrcupine and starts to ask and decides not to, and walks away
then he spots this rabbit, he says, "do you have a problem w/ poo gettin gstuck to your fur?"
and the rabbit says, " no i poo in little pellets so it doesn't get stuck."
the bear grins and says, " good cause i do!!!"
he takes the rabbit,takes a dump and wipes his butt w/ the rabbit!!!
2006-11-06 11:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by Dani California 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep
2006-11-06 10:59:40 · answer #9 · answered by minidude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
2006-11-06 10:58:53 · answer #10 · answered by Dr Know It All 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋