why is my 3.5 year old giving me so problems with eating lately, and why the sudden temper tantrums?

Question

she has recently been giving me a really hard time when it comes to eating. normally, she eats A LOT! it used to blow me away at the amount of food she could consume in a day, now i'm lucky if i get 1 meal a day in her. i know kids will eat when they are hungry, but it seems that she just isn't hungry. this has been an issue for the last 2 weeks. also, she has NEVER thrown a tantrum, until last night. she threw such a fit, and got so upset, and screamed so much, that she made herself cough until she threw up...3 times! what's the deal here?

Answer 1

Wow. The first thing I would check is her interaction with people over the past couple weeks. Is she in Daycare? Does she have a play pal she's spending a lot of time with? Does she have a caregiver at home if you work outside the home?

Sometimes kids at that age have observed another person behaving in a particular way in order to obtain the desired result
(ie. a tantrum that gets a child an ice cream or toy they want). She might be trying out this new negotiation technique.

Another thing about 3 1/2, they are learning a zillion new things each day and their little heads are full, full, full. Imagine if you worked in an office and you had 20 projects you needed to complete and your boss came in and dumped a huge stack of stuff in your inbox and said, " I need this ASAP". You might grumble after the boss leaves, but a three year old faced with a proportionally simliar moment will fling themselevs onto the floor and scream and cry until all the bad stuff goes away.

Try simplifying her schedule for a couple of days and try going on a food field trip to the grocery store. Take your time and show her all the pretty produce and things she might like and get a cheap little notebook to carry around to write down the list of all the things she likes. Then when you do your shopping, you can get a few things off her favorite list each time so she has some say in what goes into her tummy. You could go through magazines and cut out pictures of food or use the google image option and make her a "Menu" like she's got her own restaurant. You can split it up in pages of breakfast, lunch and dinner and special snacks. She can go through the picture book and select what she will eat and then you can show her how to spell that word and maybe how to make the food item (like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich)

Both of my kids went through the ridiculously picky eater stage about that age. They will survive! My son is 6'2" and a college rower and my daughter is 5'10" and a volleyball player and coach. The month my son would only eat cubes of baked potatoes, Stouffer's spinach souffle, pizza, Cheerios, PBJ's and hot dogs I thought I was gonna lose it! She will move through it.

Temper tantrum solution: This is weird but IT WORKS. When kids are out of control, it scares them as much as it scares you.
Get an ice cold cup of water and very calmly tell her to take a sip and calm down. If she won;t, tell her she can drink it or wear it. If she continues to flail and scream ( and I know this sounds bizzare) toss the water right in her face. She will come to a complete stop and you will have her full attention.

Go and get another cup of ice cold water and ask her if she is now ready to have a sip of water. She will drink it- trust me. And the cold and sipping motion will calm her down enough to regain control of her self.

I only had to do this ONE TIME with my kids. Any time I saw a tantrum coming from then on, I would ask them if they needed a glass of water and they would calm down and even go get themselves a cup.

It's a Horse Whisperer moment but I swear this works every time.

Answer 2

I also have a 3 year old who will not eat. Don't force her to eat because it won't work. Let her drink Pediasure which has all the nutrients she needs in a day and just let her eat when she says she's hungry. As for those tantrums, ignore them. Although mine has not had any (thank goodness) my niece did when she was about that age. What we did was ignore her when she had them. For example, she would have them in the store when she didn't get what she wanted and we walked away from her and let her stay on the floor (small town everyone knows her) until eventually she came around the corner with someone. She did this for about a month and that was it. If you show her that you aren't phased by her tantrums, she'll stop eventually. It will be a trying time but stand firm.

Answer 3

Ahhh welcome to the terrible two albeit a slight delay. She is becoming independent, and showing you the only way she can with her limited vocabulary. We (parents) tell our children NO a million and a half times a day. (yes because we love them) but it wears them out so they get to a point where all they can do is have a meltdown. Here's what I do.....I stay calm (or try not to laugh, cause face it sometimes is so ridiculous that it's funny) I try to either soothe my Son or distract him with something else. (the great thing about a 3 year old is there attention span is very short. If the vomiting is a new thing and it only follows an all out fit i wouldn't stress it. Also be careful she is developing her eating methods if she is a all day small meal eater don't discourage this, it's a healthy and lean way to eat. She may be having a head or ear cold and may not have much of an appetite. Be patient and loving she'll come around and things will resume to she gets bit by the boy bug!!!.

Answer 4

Being 3 is the tantrum.

The food thing could be snacking during the day. Do you let her have a apple here, piece of candy there? My son was so active he never like to sit down too eat, so he never at a lot. Not good, but sometimes one meal a day and several snacks throughout. Like you already stated, we as human beings have to eat. When she is hungry she will eat. Don't force feed her, could cause eating problems (maybe disorders) later. I know I still stuff myself trying to finish my plate every meal. Not good at all since I usually get large portions.

Answer 5

Well, the first thing to do is to have her checked out by a doctor to rule anything physical out.

If the check up is fine then I wonder if something is stressing her out? What's been happening lately? It can be very difficult for a child of this age to verbalise their emotions but with some clever conversation with her you might be able to find out something.

Give her drawing paper and let her draw away lots of pictures and praise her and ask HER to tell you what the pictures are (don't assume that you'll know the meaning behind what she draws), this technique can be helpful.

In the meantime, be very casual about food. Put out a finger buffet for meals and tell her you're having a buffet and then ignore the food talk. Let her go and help herself to bit and pieces when she needs to without any pressure.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

You're quite lucky if you've gotten to 3 without a single temper-tantrum. Sounds like she is merely asserting her independence. Somewhere around her age children begin to realize that they are separate individuals from their parents... and like to see how far they can push their boundaries. Allow her to make some decisions (within reason... i.e. would you like to have broccoli or brussel sprouts with dinner tonight). Don't worry about the eating thing. If she is hungry she will most certainly eat. Trying to force her will only create a nightmarish power struggle and perhaps leave her with issues around food and control.

Answer 7

Sounds like it could be that she really isn't hungry or doesn't feel up to eating. If she's going to be that adamant about not eating, something's going on. Try starting simple, like with juice or something. Ask her what she wants to eat. And, if the problem persists, ask her pediatrician.

Answer 8

Ask yourself what has changed recently that is upsetting her so much. It could be a result of some sort of traumatic event, or major change. ASK HER. She will tell you.

Answer 9

The deal is that she is three years old.
Good luck