I am 19 and a virgin and I have been hanging out with this guy that has been with a lot of girls but is respectable in a relationship. He is a great guy and I would like a relationship with him but he says that I am too innocent for him. I think he is practically saying that if i wasn't a virgin then he would have a relationship with me...because he knows it will take a while in the relationship to get me to have sex with him and I won't give in. I guess my question would be do guys like virgins? and do you think that me being a virgin is an excuse for not going out with me?
2006-11-06 09:22:14 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all, I'm a married 45 year old - don't know if this devalues my response to you so I figured I'd state that right up front.
After guys in our sex-crazed culture have premarital sex for the 1st time, they are encouraged by their own lust and the world around them to make that the primary focus of their romantic relationships. Perhaps not the ONLY thing, but certainly the primary thing by which they measure how 'successful', how 'stable' and how 'long-term' they view it. Sad, but very true.
Consider this - if this guy has learned to 'be respectable' before you have sex (since no girl wants to feel pressured), but that is really the primary thing he's after - and the primary barometer by which he measures if he wants to be in a relationship - then what does that make you?
Now, I don't want to string this guy up as some sort of malevolent demon - he's learned this from the culture as much as I learned it from the culture and every other guy learns it.
It's taken me a long time to UNLEARN it, and to start to look at relationships based upon transparency, openness, trust, respect...and to view physical intimacy as just that - a natural aspect of non-physical intimacy in the relationship that is a CONSEQUENCE of real, non-physical intimacy.
Too many guys look at sex as the means by which intimacy is accomplished, which is completely backwards. And I'm certainly not claiming I have it down at all...I'm as flawed and screwed up as the next guy.
But I hope this will give you some food for thought. Stand true to your convictions - no matter what the cost. Trust me - there really is a guy out there who will respect you for that...and consider the consequences of how you'll look at yourself in the mirror if you don't.
Best to you.
2006-11-06 09:31:56 · answer #1 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
To answer you question, "Do guys like virgins?" Yes! The trouble is we also like non-virgins.
You will know when you are ready to do it, be it before or after marriage. Don't let people treat you like being a virgin is a disease.
As long as you let guys know who you are and where you stand, the decision is there's to make.
I have been with my share of women and even the most promiscious women will not give it up if she is not feeling you.
Just relax, go with flow, and tell all guys to do the same. If its right you guys will do it. Don't let it be an issue everytime you guys are in contact with each other.
2006-11-06 09:46:07 · answer #2 · answered by BionicNahlege 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, we don't like virgins. First, we like a girl with some experience that knows what shes doing and how to have fun in bed. Second, virgins tend to be very clingy after you finally do get them to sleep with you.
He reasoning for not dating is valid. Most guys want a girl that actually enjoys and wants sex. You're old enough now that you can have a healthy sex life and not be considered a slut. So what are you waiting for? Go out find a guy that you like and have sex with. You might just find out that you like it.
2006-11-06 09:32:08 · answer #3 · answered by Jason S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys like virgins. It's just that some guys aren't into looking for relationships and lots of dedication to get some p***y. So yeah maybe he's a good guy, and maybe he likes you, but he'd rather go get some p***y for now rather than invest time and effrot into a person who may/may not put out for a prolonged period of time.
Which is not to say that what you do is wrong. I highly respect you as a person with great morals and self respect. For me, my girl being a virgin, I would wait for ya if I loved ya. If ur in L.A. drop me a line.
2006-11-06 09:31:48 · answer #4 · answered by MisterO 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he's not willing to go out with you because of that then there might be something going on you're not aware of. This may be his way of protecting you from him because he knows how he might act. By "been with many girls" can that mean he's a cheater? Sorry to sound so pessimistic but I went through something similar. He kept giving me BS reasons for why we weren't together similar to what this guy has been saying and I was persistent, telling him I was the girl for him. We dated for 2.5 years, during that time he cheated on me with 7 girls, and with one of them continuously for a year.
Even if that isn't the case, that is not a good enough reason for not starting a relationship with you. He should want to be with you because of you, not because you aren't innocent. By saying that you have to think, what type of girl then, does he need? Sleeping together early will make your relationship based on sex anyway, and that is never good.
2006-11-06 09:54:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys like virgins cause they are "tight" but some guys like non virgins because they are "Experienced", so it could go either way. I don't think you being a virgin is an excuse. I was a virgin till 18. My girlfriend was not. She never pressured me or anything and thats how it should be, no pressure.
2006-11-06 09:26:44 · answer #6 · answered by unglory2006 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It depends on the guy. To some guys it doesn't matter...because they don't base their relationships are the sex. Other guys...its all about the sex. Which isn't a guy you want to be with anyway. If all he wants to do is get in your pants...run far away! And don't give in, if your virginity means something to you, keep it that way, don't give it up just so a guy will like you. Girls aren't items, we're people too.
2006-11-06 09:25:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I mean this guy sounds like an *** to me. How can he claim to really like you if he won't stay with you because it will take longer for you to have sex with him? I say forget about him. As for the other part I am a virgin too and I have met different reactions. Some think the same way like your guy but mostly they are either fine with it or think it would be hot to be the first guy. Personally I avoid the latter group.
2006-11-06 09:26:24 · answer #8 · answered by kupumentira 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well i have no problem with being with a virgin ,because a relationship isnt all about sex and if he dosen't want to be with you for that reason then he missing out on what a great person you probably are.
2006-11-06 09:30:33 · answer #9 · answered by Nicky 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you're not what he's looking for, you're not what he's looking for. It's not his fault or yours, your just different people wanting different things.
There are guys out there who would love to date a virgin, and do the whole "no sex" till marriage thing, or aren't quite ready for a sexual relationship.
If someone is not looking for a virgin, then you being one, would probably be a turn off. Just respect yourself and stick to whatever you want to believe in.
2006-11-06 09:27:39 · answer #10 · answered by -J 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋