How do I deal with my sometimes negative and judgmental sister?

Question

I care a lot about my sister, but when we are together for family gatherings she usually makes jokes about everything I say. It makes me nervous about going home for the holidays and about telling her anything. She and I were born several years apart and my parents gave me more than they gave her and my other older siblings. I feel like she holds this against me and has dumped a lot of her negative feelings onto me without realizing it. I want to be close to her without feeling nervous about telling her stuff and without feeling guilty for the things I have. I also want to feel like my own person and not feel like I am under her thumb. Do you have any advice on this? Has anyone gone through something similar? What are ways I can deal with this on my own and also possibly talking to her about it? I would prefer to work through this on my own at this point, but am open to talking to my sister about it eventually.

Answer 1

First, if she doesn't respect you as a person, nothing you say or do will make that much difference, until she does. I'd simply say that after all these years the jokes and the put downs are wearing a little thin. I would refrain from sharing my "life story" with her until she realizes that this behavior is not acceptable. It's unfortunate, but you may have to distance yourself a bit until you both are ready to work through this.

Answer 2

I know where you're coming from; I dont have any siblings, but I get the little negative & judgmental comments each & every time I speak with my own mother! and she wonder why I never call her, hmmmm... lol
I realized her behavior many years ago but I have always just bit tounge & tried to let the words go in one ear & straight out the other,even though on the inside I was boiling mad. But just a few days ago I was thinking about it (after yet another call from her which was nothing but a game of 20 questions), I realize that all she calls for is to ask me things that she already knows the answers to, so when I say yes or no she has a reason for getting on the subject & giving me a lecture about why & how I need to start or stop doing what I do in my life. Your sister seems to be the same way from how you describe it. just fishing for a reason to belittle you simply because she needs the high that putting you down & controlling your life a little bit gives her. I finally made a promise to myself that next time I speak with my mom and she begins her usual roast of me, I'm going to fight fire with fire and kinda turn the tables on her.I suggest you do the same; just take charge of the conversation & start putting her down, make fun of her for any little thing she says or does, or ever has done, even if it was years ago. Sure it will be tough, but promise yourself that will do it because you will probably only need to do this one time & it will be well worth it. People like this will not stop until they realize you are fed up with the abuse & are NOT going to take it anymore. If she gets mad - good! She may even decide not to hang around you for awhile, but just know that she chose to do this, because you beat her at her own game and shes ashamed now. She needs to (and will!!) come to realize thats shes in the wrong, and that you arent just her sister she can kick around anymore, youre a human being who deserves respect!

Answer 3

If she doesn't know her behaviour upsets you, she's not going to change it. Therefore, I recommend talking to her about it. If she's jealous of you, maybe you need to find things about her that you value to build her up and make her feel like she's on even footing. Well, worked for me. Not that my sis was rude or a bully, but she said when we were younger she was jealous and resented me a bit because she thought our parents were better to me and I had more friends (which was bollocks, but it's how she saw it). I told her about *my* eperience of that time in our lives, and reminded her of her own qualities and what she had gained through her own effort and it seemed to bring us closer.

Answer 4

she probubly noticed you a lot and you got more so she would nt keep forgeting she had a little brother because she didnt live with her parents any more and when was at school was kinda on her own because she knew someone els that lived with some one older than her

so she probubly doesnt know what your talking about at faamily gatherings and knows that relatives expaect her to say some thing to you and you donyt know it and she doesnt know how to explain it to you without you first thinking she told her parents she doesnt like you because if she really doesnt like you youd know and you ask us for on advise on how to get her back at it.

Answer 5

i do no longer understand what to declare. basically please do no longer tension your self right into a popular marriage. understand that i'll be happier for you while you're content with your female. the full Orthodox subject is quite confusing. What in case you seen "your purpose as a woman" as something else? ie. help the those in choose, the worldwide, make somebody happy. in the experience that your mum and dad are not supportive, you need to purpose permitting them to bypass. i'm no longer suggesting something right here, basically a theory. ~sturdy success.

Answer 6

Ignore her. If you want to talk to her then don't make it a confrontation. Just say I have something I want to talk to you about. My brother does the same thing and even though it was mentioned to him he still does this. I ignore him.

Answer 7

the only way you can deal with this is to talk to her about it. you are never going to feel comfrotable telling her things unless she stops being rude. you can't work out a relationship problem on your own, it takes two.

Answer 8

don't worry about it she will have to grow up soon. Whatever she says about you - you do it too. She sounds like she jsut wants attention and she is finding it easy by teasing you because she knows she's getting to you. Ignore her- she needs to mature some more

Answer 9

My sister and I are the same way. she always bullies me. one day we will be nice to each other and the next we'll be ripping each others hair out. there is really nothing you can do about it. Sorry.

Answer 10

Just be honest and do not be confrontational.

Take her to lunch and let her know how you feel