Should I get married right now?

Question

He's in Iraq right now & and we'll be engaged shortly after he gets back.

I'm 18. he's 20.

I know that everyone says this (especially when they're young)..

but it's different for us.

we've been together for 3 years.

For almost 1/2 of our relationship he's been in boot camp, AIT & Iraq.


Everyone is amazed by our love for each other.

But like I said. We're 18 & 20. I know that divorce rates are high when you marry young.

He wants to get married next year.

But we're young. We don't have money.

I don't want him to spend all his hard earned Iraq $ on a wedding that is only like 7 hrs long. By the time we get married we'll have enough money. but I kind of want to wait.

If we don't get married next year, we will have to wait another 3 b/c he'll be deployed again within 2 years.

I'm a virgin, we've never had sex. He's my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first love, everything. Should I wait or should I go with my heart? i know we'll make it regardless.

Answer 1

I'D WAIT UNTIL NEXT YEAR WHEN HE GETS BACK AND SEE HOW EVERYTHING GOES. WISHING YOU BOTH THE BEST.

Answer 2

I will say YES WAIT! I will be honest and say because you are young, but that's not the only reason. You said he has spent half of your relationship AWAY from you. Regardless of what the two of you think, really ask yourself, do you REALLY know each other? How could you really know someone who is away from you most of the time. Yes he's doing an honorable thing (I wish him a safe return), but you already seem to have doubts. If there are ANY doubts in YOUR head, then I think you know you should wait. So what if you wait another couple years? Married or not, he's still going to be deployed again. If this is meant to be, it will happen when you have no doubts and you are ready. Marriage is forever, or should be forever. Give yourself some time... I say wait til he's home for good, give it a year or two, and if you still want to get married, then go for it. Be honest with yourself because only you will live with the choices you've made. Good luck!

Answer 3

I got married when I was 17 and I am now almost 21 and I wouldn't change it for the world. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to not spend a ton of money on the wedding. It can be a special time without spending thousands and thousands of dollars and you will be happy you didn't once bills start flooding in. We didn't spend very much money and we now have a nice house and nice cars. I think you should go for it. You only live once and whether you get married now or 5 years from now you're marriage will work if it is meant to. I don't see the difference between getting married young and waiting. As long as you keep your head street and remember you have responsibilities everything will work out. Don't let someone else tell you what you want. You know what you want now go for it.

Answer 4

How is different for you? It doesn't matter if you've been dating 3 years or 3 weeks. You're still 18 and he's still 20.

The worst mistake you could make is to get married right now because he's leaving.

Like you said--you're young and you don't have money. Congrats that everyone is amazed by your for each other, but your relationship isn't for anyone else but you and your boyfriend/fiance.

Wait--don't turn this isn't a drama. You love him, and that's great. GO to college and finish college. Get a job, get involved in his family. At least you know that divorce rates are higher for couples under the age of 22. Good.

Communicate with each other. Talk about it, and also involve your families. Don't just get married now because you think it's the right thing to do. You have your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you--why rush things instead of have your dream wedding?

Answer 5

i dated a guy that was in the army. we were together for a long time before he left. i was always the first and last to see him when he had to leave on a mission. we were together the whole time that he was over in Iraq. i loved him and he loved me. but when he got back he changed, and so did i. they see a lot over there and some have a hard time adjusting to the civilian life. if you love him stay with him but before you tie the knot let him be home for a little bit. you do not need to rush. i am now 20 and married. i was engaged at 17 to a different guy, we ended the engagement when i was 18... looking back we both are so happy that we did not get married, we still talk, we just knew that we were not right for each other. now i am happy as ever with my husband. you do not have to become like 50% of all married people. to to classes and learn how to deal with conflict, anger, money, babies... everything. when you are ready to get married you do not question it any more. you just know.

Answer 6

If your heart/ head is telling you to wait then you should. It is hard to be a newlywed and not even get to be with your husband. You should wait until after he gets back. I know it seems like forever away but you will still be young. You will also have matured more. Most people change so much in between 18 and 20. Whatever you decide good luck and I hope everything works out. It is hard to be in a relationship with a soldier who is gone all the time and only the strongest of people can do it.

Answer 7

Hey, just to start out, I'm 16. Now, there are two ways at looking at this situation. You could marry him, and live with him for about a year, he gets deported, and please don't be made at me but he might die and you would be a widow at 19 or 20. Or if he did survive, do you feel your really really know him? Are you really willing to spend the rest of your life with him. Look over your time with him and see the way he acts with other people around you and also how he acts with other women with and without you. Have you gotten any negative feedback? The thing I am always being told by my family is to look at the parents and what do you see? Love, kindness and a warm family atmosphere, or do you see tension, any sign of hatred, because however he was raised, he will bring into the house you guys move into. If you are unsure of anything else, talk to a trusted someone and get their opinion. I don't know what you are getting at about the sex, has he tried to have sex with you before? Has he said anything about it? Or are you just saying that because you want him to be your first for everything? And if you want him to be your everything, are you marring him just because of it? I defiantly would not rush anything, but do what you feel is right. Just think about the consequences and how it would change your life, for the better or worse.
Good Luck
~Anna~

Answer 8

If it was meant to be, then it will happen when the time is right...if you both would like to marry with the JP for now, that should be okay. Then when he gets back from his deployment, you can have the big wedding that you both want, even though at 21 & 23 it is still early to get married. Wait until you've gone through college, graduated and gotten a steady job. There is no reason to rush into anything, especially marriage. Good luck with whatever you both decide to do!!

Answer 9

If you have to ask, the answer is no. Getting married isn't something you do just because that's the logical step in the relationship ladder.

You are young, but I was only 22 when I got married. Money and weddings aren't important in the grand scheme of things. If you can wait, and the relationship make it through this really hard time of seperation, anxiety, and danger, then the marriage has a chance.

Answer 10

No!

You've already pointed out that the divorce rate for people in your age range is very high.

Also, you two have been apart for half of your relationship.

You two have no money and YOU have no career.

What are your goals? Going to college?

Wait until he comes back where you two will be with each other full time. See if you two can bear that...

If you do get married, do NOT have children. You may start resenting him for not being there and you're stuck with the kids.

You asking this question show that you are thinking which is good and that you're not going to jump into this on a lark.

A good general rule is to wait until you're over 25 before getting married.

Good luck with your decision.

Answer 11

Forget anything anyone says about following your heart. Your far too young you may think that its a good idea right now but it really isnt. You still a lot of growing up to do, well the two of you still do. Yes you love him and you are great together but you are far too young people change you have to remember that and especially that young in a couple of years you arent going to be the same people you once were. You'll start to develop different views on life and how do you know that they are going to be the same. Trust me you will be a different person then you are now and so will he. As we grow older we take different on different perspectives and views but where you are in your age groups its a very confusing time and so many mind altering views on life. I hope that you dont jump into to something because you feel obligated to your far too young in my opinion and you still havent experienced things in which you can say you like or dont like. Just give your self the chance to get to know the things that you like and dont like.